[sweetelisum]

I didn't realize I joined this site back in 2009. My sanity score then was 127.. as I've aged and at this point in my life.. 134.. and that's not with being totally honest and I dont know what to do. Sometimes my depression/ptsd is overwhelming. I drink more than I ever did before. Even with being on meds.. I feel like I'm only half a person..from the outside looking in. I've been through so much in my life and finally thought I had it together. I got through sexual assault, an abusive childhood, chronic anxiety, duis, my job related stress.. or so I thought and now it seems everything in my life is fear based or full of a compulsive rage. It's affected my relationship to the point where I fear there is no trust in him towards me. This only adds to the anxiety and fear b/c I never know when I'm going to be hacked or ridiculed for things I've said on Facebook, things I've posted to express myself rather than keep it bundled all inside until I'm ready to explode. I feel like I just need insight right now.. The progression over 17 years of crippling mental health issues has finally taken its toll on me to the point where I feel like I just need to be locked up somewhere, though I can't do that due to insurance/the demands of my profession. *sigh* I really just need some support. I've never felt so isolated in my life and the brick on my chest makes it hard to even breathe sometimes..Sorry for ranting.. just felt like if i didn't get that out it would ruin my whole day. Not that it got off to such a great start to begin with

Thanks for listening.
Sweetelisum

[Leed]

Bless your heart. You've come to the right place. I'm sure you know that we DO have a PTSD forum, plus we have a Survivors of Abuse forum too. There are many forums here that would pertain to you but those two are the most pressing that you should take a look at. I'm sure you remember how to get around on this forum.

Welcome back -- I'm so sorry you've experienced so much pain in your life. I really hope you can find some solace here. Everyone is kind and helpful here, so hopefully you'll find some peace of mind.

Again welcome, and I hope we hear more from you. God bless and please take good care of yourself. Hugs, Lee

[Pierro]

Hi sweet, I dont know how you got through all that torment in your life but all I can say to you is that there are wonderfull people here. Personally typing on this forum helps me so much.Im sorry that theres no miracle pill but theres always somebody here for you. Thinking of you, I just wish I could offload your pain. Best wishes to u.

[sweetelisum]

Thanks to all who replied. I'm thankful I found this place again, because there are so many forums that relate to my past issues... I finally started to realize that can't do everything on my own.. I'm almost 30.. Do I want to still be struggling with the same things I've been dealing with since my teenage years in the next 10? I was talking to my sister today who has similar issues with depression and various other mental ailments and she was telling me about a new hypnotherapist, but the prospect of that is quite frightening To see if you are serious about depression/ptsd recovery she has you read a series of books to understand your past depression and how it all relates to your upbringing and can eventually cure your present ailments after addressing your past, but its pretty extreme and intensive.. just talking about it today nearly gave me a panic attack, but as radical as it may seem, that may be the next step if general therapy doesn't help. I don't know where things will lead eventually. All I know now (which i guess is a good first step) is that I don't want to live this way, nor do I want to die this way. I need a moment in the sun.. i need many moments in the sun to remind me why life is worth living.

[Rohag]

Welcome to posting, Sweetelisum!

Originally Posted by sweetelisum

...anxiety and fear b/c I never know when I'm going to be hacked or ridiculed for things I've said on Facebook, things I've posted to express myself rather than keep it bundled all inside until I'm ready to explode.

Hopefully PsychCentral will provide you with sufficient anonymity. 'Rant' away!

[shortandcute]

Originally Posted by sweetelisum

I didn't realize I joined this site back in 2009. My sanity score then was 127.. as I've aged and at this point in my life.. 134.. and that's not with being totally honest and I dont know what to do. Sometimes my depression/ptsd is overwhelming. I drink more than I ever did before. Even with being on meds.. I feel like I'm only half a person..from the outside looking in. I've been through so much in my life and finally thought I had it together. I got through sexual assault, an abusive childhood, chronic anxiety, duis, my job related stress.. or so I thought and now it seems everything in my life is fear based or full of a compulsive rage. It's affected my relationship to the point where I fear there is no trust in him towards me. This only adds to the anxiety and fear b/c I never know when I'm going to be hacked or ridiculed for things I've said on Facebook, things I've posted to express myself rather than keep it bundled all inside until I'm ready to explode. I feel like I just need insight right now.. The progression over 17 years of crippling mental health issues has finally taken its toll on me to the point where I feel like I just need to be locked up somewhere, though I can't do that due to insurance/the demands of my profession. *sigh* I really just need some support. I've never felt so isolated in my life and the brick on my chest makes it hard to even breathe sometimes..Sorry for ranting.. just felt like if i didn't get that out it would ruin my whole day. Not that it got off to such a great start to begin with

Thanks for listening.
Sweetelisum

I took mine 3 times, and my lowest was 154.

[Idiot17]

(((hugs))))