[telb]

ahahhhhahhahhahahhahha
know what scares me to death?
not getting better.
to be in my mid 20's and still be stuck.
to be missing out on all the fun i could be having.
to not be able to get thiese moments back.
to know i am not building a relationship with my father as he lies waiting.
the thoughts i have that he is just like any other stranger...whats the differnts.
to know iam the reason we dont have a relastionship.
to know i have to make the steps before its to late..
to know im not going to make ANY effort.. not because i dont love him. i must if this is causing me so much stress,right? but you know what? i dont care.
my anger towards the ones i love.
going to jail.. getting out and being right back here. f**K it eh
the thought of my mother or younger brother overdoseing.
forgetting my grandmother.rip. whats the point in remembering jf u cant beat the pain.
going insane.
being Alone for to much longer.
being put on the spot infront of people.
looking like a fool.
*NOT getting out in life*
not being able to overcome my fears.
death.
continuing to live like this.........................

this is soo f**king stupid. i know what have to do.
am i wrong for distracting myself from the thoughts of doing things i need to do,if it hurts to think about it?
because i can do thiese things...
but i wont be confertable doing them.
truthfully i dont know whats holding me back.
is it lazyness.
is it the comfert issue.
is it being afraid.
it hurts because i DO care,
I fool myself into thinking things dont matter,
haha this is not a post of somone who is strong.
man this sucks

ok ok....i guess what i want is some insperation some confermation that this cant possibly last forever. maybe some dierction. i feel like i have to make myself strong and feeling better before i can deal with this...
i try by exercise, and taking care of myself but,i have done this in the past and i only gained more frustration.
i dont know where to start i get overwhelmed. please please any suggestions are much appreciated.
simple things like moving out or being sober are to big of steps for me to take. i need to start small.
maybe just taking the the big steps is the first thing i need. i NEeD StrEngTh!!
i know im asking alot. Any support is welcome and needed.
much love to ALL.
hang in there, friends?
-telb

[Christina86]

((((telb)))))

Oh yes, I almost made a post like this recently...

You are strong, you've made it this far and you're going to keep doing it because you CAN NOT quit. You're a wonderful person, maybe with some regrets about the past, but who doesn't? What matters is today, and tomorrow ...

You took the first step. You admitted that there are things that need to be changed in order for you to be happy.

Alright, so do this ... instead of just becoming sober, try going for a day, a few days, whatever it takes so you KNOW you want it, you want to change and are willing to put in the effort. How about finding a support group in your area like AA?

As for the moving out thing, do you have the tools to move out? Another place you could go, some people you could depend on, a job or enough money to afford a place? Work on those.

Any large decision or task to complete is just a series of really small things to undertake, its just a matter of getting to the point where you can see what needs to be done ... and then comes the task of DOING it!

Like me as an example (sorry, mini-example, won't hijack for long). My large task is that I want to be happy, really happy. My smaller tasks? I thought of it like this ... what would I have to do to be happier? Who would I be able to enlist to help me to be happier as a support network? What makes me happy? What doesn't? Whats stopping me from starting to be happy? .... and I came down to the two most basic "stepping stones" that I have to do in order to be happy ... I have to believe that I'm allowed to be happy and that I'm worth it, and I have to be willing to put in the effort to get there even though it will be hard and I'll probably want to quit a few times.

(Here's to hoping you understand that!!)

You're not asking a lot, good for you for reaching out, and asking for support when you need it. Sometimes that's someone's "big goal/task" ... and that can take a LOT of work to get to that point!!!

Take care of yourself, and I'm a PM away if you need anything. *hugs*

Hi Telb,
You have to believe in yourself. You can overcome this-even if you chip away at it a little at a time.
(((((((telb)))))))

[tita]

Telb,
I just wanna let u know that u are an awesome person,.I m not a happy person these days, but I got I got Your back! pm me when u get a chance
Much Love,
Tita. ((((((((((Telb))))))))))