im disliked for being me!

i thought id come on and write a post because im ffeling really low today. ive been feeling unhappy all day, and ive been trying to pick myself up.

the family are round today and i was just sat down there with everyone and we had the radio on, and a song came on that i didnt like, so all i said was "oh, i dont like this song" and my brother said "you dont like anything hip these days, the only stuff you like is stuff everyone else doesnt, you are so out of touch of society that you havent got a clue whats in the charts!". and i thought that was really harsh, then i replied "i dont care what everyone else likes, if i like it, thats all that counts to me. just because something is popular or not doesnt make me like it, i have my own tastes and it isnt determined by everyone else!" to which my sister asked my dad "where did you get him from!" and i felt really attacked. im getting so fed up of being attacked now, especially considering im having one of my bad days. it would just be nice if someone could give me a compliment once in a while instead of constant insults. its one thing insulting me, but i dont allow anyone to insult my music, its my life and it means so much to me and for it to be attacked like that hurts alot.

i feellike my creative side to me is being crushed and im trying so hard to keep hold of it, but it just seems to be being killed off and theres nothing i can do to stop it. i just want to pack my bags and leave, i really wish i could!

i never feel like im accepted for being myself anymore, im not liked by many people, but im not nasty, aggressive, mean, vicious etc, im just a sweet guy who cares for people but i seem to be invisible to everyone these days.

when i get my bad days i just want someone to be there for me to understand that im feeling low and to comfort me and cheer me up, but all i get here is kicked whilst im down. im so fed up of being alone and unhappy, im even crying now and nobody seems to care.

i just dont understand how people dont accept me for being myself, being my own person (unlike my brother who acts how people want him to act, ya know, the shallow type of person, and yet he has so many friends and everyone loves him. days like today make me hate him. especially after what he did to me years ago!)

i feel ugly today, i was looking int he mirror earlier and i didnt like what i saw, but becuase i havent got (and never did have) anyone to compliment me and tell me im fine, its left up to me alone to do it, which after a while isnt easy. im tired of seeing nasty people be adored and for myself to be insulted all the time. and its not like i dont stick up for myself, because i do, ALOT! but when im low like today its just that little bit harder and it leaves me feeling upset and alone. so i tend to go to my room and cry, like i am now.

i dotn feel like i will ever be loved by anyone, im just too much hassle it seems. i was an accidental child and its been that way for all the 19 years of my life, and ive had enough now! maybe thats the way life's meant to be for me, some people have it easy, whilst others cant cope and are constantly battling darkness.

((((((( HUGS ))))))) ~ ~ ~ ~ ((((((( HUGS )))))))


for YOU! - - - -

(((((((Simon)))))))

I understand how frustrated you must feel. Just because you don't fit into the shallow society that seems to surround us nowdays doesn't mean people (especially family!) should shun you or look down on you. I'm glad you realize this. By the way, I have never conformed to what is popular or what I'm "supposed" to like either, I am my own person. I admire you for your individuality and your uniqueness. If anything, I think YOU are special, in a way that some people will never, ever "get." Keep being yourself, and don't let anyone intimidate you into feeling otherwise. I would love to hear your music, and I think you should put as much of yourself into it as you can. Do whatever you have to do to keep being creative!

Love and Best Wishes,
Sujin


P.S. Also, you are very young and a whole world awaits you! Things won't be this way forever.

simon, i adore you. you are one of my best friends here.....i don't see your brother here, supporting people and be such a good friend to so many....

music is an individual choice that i don't criticize. when my children were teens, there were four rooms...one had AC/DC, one had Jim Morrison, one had The Who and the last one had a mishmash of loud rock. then i had mine and it played in my bedroom and the kitchen.....sometimes we would get on one another's nerves but we still clung to what we liked. you hang on to what you like and don't let anyone telling you that your choices are bad get you down. you make beautiful music. it's in my favourites (bookmarks) now.

i have an idea.....do you have any photos in the gallery? i'd like to see who my friend is and i bet a lot of others would feel the same way. if you don't have any, could you post some? it helps to have a face with the name....i'd love that!!

you're a very good person....when others are shallow and don't share our core values, we have to step back but continue our path....xoxoxo pat

(((Simon))))

You've got talent that I'd love to have (at my age ... although only a 'year' difference) - and I'm sure that deep down your family is jealous too.

You are a sweet guy -- and you're not invisible here and not to me ... its great having you here.

People aren't always nice, and yeah you're going to come across some (sometimes a LOT, including family - I have the same problem) that aren't going to accept you for who you are and who are going to try to change you. Do NOT let them. Must be true to yourself first and forget everyone else.

Boosting yourself up and your self-image all by yourself -- yeah that is a pain to do alone. Here's a compliment from me (no lie) - You are wonderful, a great person a great friend with a good heart and a your head is in the right spot and I know you can do anything you put your mind to -- because that is the type of person you ARE.

(((Simon)))) Take care ... PM me anytime ... I care and you're not invisible to me.

((((((Simon!)))))))

I'm so sorry to hear that you are having a rough day I know how frustrating it can be to sit there and be feeling so much inside, but having no one to understand how you feel. But you have more going for you than you realise! You have that special something in you that distinguishes you from other people, something deep and personal that is so important because you truly do know who you are, and that makes you an excellent judge of character. I know this doesn't help now because you feel alone, but it will make you stronger. And while people who are fake may seem "cooler" or "more into things" ... down the road they are going to realise that all of those things aren't important anymore. What is important is building relationships with people, and being able to see just what makes someone special. You're already ahead of them in that aspect, it just may take them a little while to realise it.

you are an awesome person, don't you ever forget that. I hope that you feel better, and please feel free to pm me anytime if you every want to talk about anything.

take care Simon
Jacqueline

thank you all for your such kind comments, has helped me get through today to tell the truth.

i have added 3 pics of me in the gallery pat.

am still feeling low at the moment but trying to snap myself out of it by listening to my favourite tunes on my computer.

take care everyone and thanks once again.

ss, remember you can't pick your blood family, like me I was stuck with them, but know I pick and choose who I want as I choose you and all the folks here to be my friends and family
Angie

my dad just got home drunk. i called him upstairs to ask him something, and he goes "oh, what now!" and came upstairs, and when i asked him my question, he replied "is that it, is that all you called me upstairs to say!" and he gave me a really patranising look, turned and walked away. i didnt even do anything wrong. see what i mean, i am invisible and nobody cares in this house! its things like that that make dark days seem darker! i hate him when hes been drinking, he has the look of evil in his eyes, and its getting so frequent now all im doing is walking on eggshells. its so hard living here, i so so wish i could walk away from it, get on a plane and fly away for good. i could quite easily turn my back on this house and its contents! im still feeling upset and now im that little bit worse! whats wrong with me!

hang in there ((((((hug))))))

I'm sorry Simon that you are feeling so different and inferior... of course part of that is your depression

I wonder... and I ask just because I don't know, not to imply anything... how many compliments you give out at home? Can you say, the next time you hear a song you might not like but your brother does.."Hey, there's that song you really like!" ??? I'm also wondering why you felt it ok to call your dad up to your room, rather than going to him to ask a question? If it was a question about something he needed to see that was in your room, that's one thing... IDK... I was taught one way to respect elders was to go to them, and speak to them...

Creative ppl often don't feel as though they fit in....often they don't! That doesn't mean they should lose their creativity to fit in... I hope you will work hard to get to where you want to be, so you can enjoy yourself when you get there!

the thing i had to ask my dad, i had to show him something on the comp so i had to call him here.

and when that song came on the radio, i didnt know my brother liked it.

i think i compliment a fair amount. when my dad gets unhappy about things i will go comfort him, and try my hardest to make him feel better, putting aside any feelings i have of my own. i admit, i dont give my brother compliments, i refuse after what he did to me, i dont see why i should. but i am really caring in general, like for instance, there was one cake left today which was mine, i had saved to eat tongiht, and someone asked me if they could have it, and i let them. and what do i get in return, nothing but insults.

simon, thank you for posting your photographs......i can tell from them that you're who i thought you were. a good and kind person.......xoxoxo pat p.s. and damned cute!

maybe they don't like you cuz you look better than they do!!!

hear! hear!

hehe thanks guys, maybe thats what it is lol.

i think i know why they talk to me like that, especially about my music...they know how passionate i am about my music and how i want to pursue it as a career, so i think they are just jealous and are trying to break me for having talent, because they dont work at their own talent, so for them to see someone else expressing their potential and talent, must get to them so they try to ruin mine. im sure thats what it is.

thanks for being here for me when i need you guys. i appreciate it.

take care and stay safe

(((((((( hugs from the cave ))))))))

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Simply_Simon said:
my dad just got home drunk. i called him upstairs to ask him something, and he goes "oh, what now!" and came upstairs, and when i asked him my question, he replied "is that it, is that all you called me upstairs to say!" and he gave me a really patranising look, turned and walked away. i didnt even do anything wrong. see what i mean, i am invisible and nobody cares in this house! its things like that that make dark days seem darker! i hate him when hes been drinking, he has the look of evil in his eyes, and its getting so frequent now all im doing is walking on eggshells. its so hard living here, i so so wish i could walk away from it, get on a plane and fly away for good. i could quite easily turn my back on this house and its contents! im still feeling upset and now im that little bit worse! whats wrong with me!

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This bit in particular made me feel so sad. It sounds like you're in a really invalidating environment.
You sound like a really lovely person. It's a shame your family can't see that.

((((SimplySimon)))))