[yellowfrog268]

I have been so unmotivated, easily irritable, and feeling like "What's the point?" to everything. It's like there isn't any real lasting feeling of contentment or motivation to make my situation better. I can and do enjoy things like tv shows but once the stimulus is removed, I go back to feeling blah and lifeless.
I do have a family history of Schizophrenia and Bipolar disorder and in my own personal past I am an adult survivor of childhood sexual abuse at the hands of adoptive parent. This was over 20 years ago.

I don't feel like ending my life or anything but I just cannot seem to find any lasting joy or appreciation for life.

I have experienced episodes of profound feelings of sadness that usually last about a week or so. I don't know what brings me out of it and when it does lift, I go from sad to just blah.
Once upon a time I used to excited about new endeavors. I would through myself headlong into a new project until I felt I knew all I wanted to know about it and then look for something new to latch on to. But lately, nothing interests me all that much.

Thoughts?

[Cocosurviving]

I hate that ur suffer. I'm dealing some depression and understand its no laughing matter. I would encourage you to take the first step. Get a evaluation from a psychiatrist or therapist. Then a treatment plan can be created for you.

[Leed]

Hi Yellowfrog ~ I have to agree with "Coco" ~ Please have your doctor refer you to a good therapist. Believe me, therapy does work.

I have clinical depression, and I've been depressed since I was a small child. I didn't receive treatment until I was in my 20's and that included a stay in a mental hospital. I thank God for finally getting treatment because it was the best thing I ever did for myself! Since I have clinical depression I have to stay on an antidepressant forever, but I don't mind because I feel so much better!!

Please contact your doctor -- you will NOT regret it. Life is SO good, and you deserve to ENJOY life. And you CAN enjoy life thru therapy, I promise!!!

I wish you all the best. Remember, you DESERVE the best -- God bless and take care. Hugs, Lee

[yellowfrog268]

Thanks for the support. I've known for a while now that I need to do that but I am so worried about being looked at as weird or somehow wrong by my GP. It is so not easy to tell someone whom I barely know (don't go the the GP much) such personal information.When I was a kid and dealing with the sex abuse stuff, social workers and others would give me this feeling of being different but not in a good way. I learned very quickly to put up a front that everything was ok in order to avoid feeling like people where looking at me as weird or thought that I was a source of pity. I do that a lot with people as it takes a lot to earn my trust enough to confide such things. Unfortunately, my insurance plan is such that I would have to get a referral from the GP before seeing a specialist or therapist of any kind.

I did make a request to be a part of a local depression study run by a noted psychiatrist. The study info stated that if accepted, the participant will receive a diagnosis along with being included in the study group. As the study is actively seeking people with depression, I won't feel so weird talking to the docs. They'll already know why I'm there!
Wish me luck.

[Psychochick]

Good luck, yellowfrog! I do hope you're accepted by the study, it sounds like the perfect place to start! And please don't think you're "weird" for being depressed--you'd be astounded to find how many people are struggling with mood disorders!!

Since you mention being a survivor of child sexual abuse I think it's extremely important for you to talk about this with a therapist. I know it isn't easy, but you've been badly traumatized and you definitely need professional help in learning to deal with this kind of abuse--it could well be contributing to your current problems. (I'm not qualified to diagnose anyone, of course, but have you ever been evaluated/seriously treated for PTSD aka Post Traumatic Stress Disorder?) It sounds like you were NOT well-treated by the social workers as a child but please don't let that discourage you--there are ppl out there who deal with problems like this regularly and I promise they will not treat you like you're "different" or "weird". What happened to you was not your fault and you need and deserve help!!! And I certainly do not look on you with "pity"--actually I admire you, it takes a very strong person to survive that kind of childhood!!

It does sound like you have some kind of depression. I have Dysthymia (defined as mild but chronic depression--it sucks lol), with an occasional bout of Major Depression--which is more serious but thankfully doesn't last nearly as long! I think I began getting depressed when I was about 12 or 13 and what you describe sounds very much like the onset of my depression. I can even remember talking at school with some of my friends over lunch about that time and I distinctly recall saying, "What's the point? You grow up, you get a boring job, you slave away for years, you get old and you die." (Sound familiar? ) I still remember the shocked looks on my friends' faces--they were so excited to be growing up and looking forward to life after high school, they didn't know what on earth I was talking about!!!

Sending you lots of hugs!!!!