A MOTHER'S JELOUSY?

Hi, everyone. I'm new to this site and hope to find advice for my depression. I know were it comes from, so I guess I am at least a little lucky. It's my mom making my life a living hell. She is really unbelievable in the things that she does to me. I thought mothers were suppose to be loving and caring, mine is exactly the opposite in the sense that she really goes out of her way to treat me as an arch enemy, someone to degrade (only in public), tries to take away any good things that come my way ans so forth. I need a mother figure right now but my mom is persistant in destroying me. It really hurts, because it's my mom. Does anybody have any advice on how to treat this situation?

hi saska, welcome to pc.

im afraid to say it sounds like it is jealousy, your mum is jealous of you and your life and so she tries to destroy what you have. the only thing to do is to let it "go in one ear, out the other" and i know its hard because shes your mum, but by ignoring her when she does it, and not arguing with her, just walk away when she tries to show you up in pulic. she will soon get the hint that it doesnt bother you and she will eventually give up. and when she does do it, act as though it doesnt bother you like i said, and when you get on your own away from her let it out then. she only does this because she knows it upsets you.

dont worry about the fact its your mother, some people in life will do that. no matter what relation they are.

you are better than she is saska, you know you are, so just walk away from it. and also, by ignoring her, or laughing at her when she tries showing you up publically, it was consiquently make her look a fool. and when that starts happening she will soon stop.

im here if you need anything saska. just pm me anytime yea.

take care, and once again, welcome to pc.

simon

Simon is right on. wish he had been in my back pocket when i was going through the same thing with my mom. it took me five years of therapy to learn what he just told you in a few paragraphs.

you can eventually stop it by ignoring it and removing yourself, if only by 10 feet, when she starts on you. or leave the room....or pick up a book and start reading.......

it's doubly sad when it's our moms...but we can't change them. we can only change how we "take" it and we can learn the lesson to never do anyone else the way that that we've been done.......love, pat

Thanks for the advice. I wish it was so easy to just ignore my mom. I've tried that before, but it really ticks her off. If she degrades me in public or around others, and I try to ignore the remarks, she throws a tantrum and shouts at me and then that is really embarrasing!
My mom always wants to be the centre of attraction, and if she feels I'm stealing the limelight she'll "bring me back down to earth" (even at my own birthday party!).Also if she see's that she isn't getting others sympathy because "I am horrible to her" (because I ignore her) she makes up stories about terrible things I supposedly said to her, which are not true. She tells these stories in such a way (she cries etc.) that others actually believe her, and then I'm in the dogbox. I am always reminded that she is the mother and I am the child, I still have to listen to her and do what she says. I am 30. I try to escape her by leaving, but then she just persistently calls or shows up out my work and throughs one of her tantrums in front of my workers, which is even more degrading. What can I do? She's making my life hell and I can't escape her!

i think its awful you have to be the scapegoat of your mothers insecurities. sounds like she may have a histrionic personality. check it out. hang in there she is still your mother. dont give up!!

your mother throws these trantrums becaus you ignore her as you said, and she knows that by doing this she will eventually make you give in and pay attention to her. its the same with young children, if their mum or dad doesnt pay them enough attention they have tantrums, and the way to stop little kids doing it is by persistence. your mother sounds like she has many links to child like behaviour and by giving her the attention you are feeding it, and i completely understand why you do. you may feel its embarrasing if she acts like this in public, but people will know shes older than you and will think shes the fool, not you. that goes for everyone who sees her behaviour. i really advise to you to keep trying, it wont be forever that this attitude will continue. she will give up.

take care and good luck.

Hi,
Your Moms Sounds like mines did until I "escaped'" I could't deal with my own problems with her acting out and all that,(she also has a drug and alcahol problem)
it made things hard on me also it's hard.I'm glad You don't have that problem I wonder if I got any prblems eary on from My mother I had to move back in a couple of time to pay the rent at least 3 or 4 times and lights and things lke that she would humilate me tho and treat me like a dog I very rarly talk to her now after all.growing
up in the ghetto was ruff and she has her problems I'm told you only get one mother but if she ever calls me I
will listesn and thats it.Im in My 30s I live in a nursing home is it possible You can get away from Your Moms? PM Me I'm usealy on very late at nite.
Welcome To PC ( it's a great site for everything )
Love Ya
Tita

Tita
Here I was, thinking only my mom is like this. My mom did have an alcohol and painkiller problem for most of my teenage and early twenty years. No, I can't really get away from my mom because we live in the same town and if I would to cut her out of my life permantely it would mean that I would not be able to see my dad (who I love very much) and he wouldn't dare come visit me, it would make matters much worse for me. It is a catchy situation, and a heavy one on the heart too. My problem affects almost every aspect of my life, as it is always there. I am so mad at my mom for doing this to me, I could be out with the rest of the world having fun, living life to the full but I don't feel like doing anything other than sleep, it's so frustrating. I also don't won't to hold grudges, I know if my mom dies it's me that will have to live with the regrets. Try not to hold a grudge against yours either, trust me those regrets NEVER go away. If you are in a position to make amends (if it's at all possible) do so before its too late.

Hi Saska. I know about the fact my mother wont be aournd forever, and ya only get one moms in life, We are not completly out of touch She do have my cell phone numbers,
but She still doing the same thing with the booze and drugs.
She's not alowed to visit me in the nursing home she was overheard that she was gonna put a hurting on me. She can alwalys call me but it's always abusise. I still take the calls. ( I'm always waiting )
Love Ya
Tita