[robflee23]

hi all!

so, im a 20 year old male, bound to be a junior in college, and diagnosed with both depression and ADHD. i currently take Concerta 27 MG which helps with both, but whenever im not medicated, i get INSANELY lonely.

ive been in 7 different relationships, the longest being 7 months, the shortest being 4 months, and i havent been in one for about 2 years now. when im on medication, which i am back on now, im perfectly fine. no problems whatsoever. but about 2 weeks ago i did an experiment on myself and went off of Concerta for 2 weeks after being on it for 5 months to see how i would react, and man did it hit HARD.

loneliness was the ONLY thing i thought about. i was literally obsessed with finding and holding onto a girlfriend. and i would just literally sit in my room all day, find a picture of a pretty girl (emma watson, jane levy, etc) and just stare and cry at it.

like i said, when im medicated im perfectly fine as i should be, but i was curious if anybody else gets like this when theyre "sober" as well? would this be classified as a codependency issue? or just a classic case that i miss being in a relationship?

[allimsaying]

Im not sure how to categorize it. When I was a teen and young adult, I felt similar. For me, I think it had to do with desperately needing to be understood by someone. If that someone can give you love and hold you when you feel your lonliest, thats better, but to have this need so strong is unhealthy I think. It puts too much stress on the other person. When you're 'sober', what is your feeling about your self confidence? Is it low? Sometimes we want another person to validate us if we have low self esteem. Getting a girl (or boy) friend seems like the solution but until you feel strong enough in yourself you wont have the kind of happy, successful relationship you're looking for. I wish you the best.

[winter4me]

Originally Posted by robflee23

hi all!

so, im a 20 year old male, bound to be a junior in college, and diagnosed with both depression and ADHD. i currently take Concerta 27 MG which helps with both, but whenever im not medicated, i get INSANELY lonely.

ive been in 7 different relationships, the longest being 7 months, the shortest being 4 months, and i havent been in one for about 2 years now. when im on medication, which i am back on now, im perfectly fine. no problems whatsoever. but about 2 weeks ago i did an experiment on myself and went off of Concerta for 2 weeks after being on it for 5 months to see how i would react, and man did it hit HARD.

loneliness was the ONLY thing i thought about. i was literally obsessed with finding and holding onto a girlfriend. and i would just literally sit in my room all day, find a picture of a pretty girl (emma watson, jane levy, etc) and just stare and cry at it.

like i said, when im medicated im perfectly fine as i should be, but i was curious if anybody else gets like this when theyre "sober" as well? would this be classified as a codependency issue? or just a classic case that i miss being in a relationship?

I think, if what you say is accurate, you need to take your medication and accept that you do need that medication. Going off the meds is like a diabetic tossing out the insulin, they/you begin to become ill. Did the end of relationships coincide at all with stopping meds? How is the relationship you are in? You may also want to ask yourself what you get out of experiencing the loneliness and obsessions that you would deliberately bring this on. We do find some comforts at times in out own illness/demons and/or want to believe we can "do it without..."--it isn't as if it is a matter of willpower. Being off medication is not being sober. It took me a long time to admit I need medication...and to be consistent in using it.

[CharactorAssassin]

Going off methylphenidate causes depression when I stop it. That might be what's causing. There's a continuum. You can't just stop a medication without some kind of problem.

Reminds me of the movie Back to the Future 3. The train had to keep going in time but there were no train tracks in 1885 yet.

[robflee23]

i really appreciate everyones reply. it's so nice to finally talk to this to people that understand.

to @allimsaying ive never really had a "low" self-esteem per-say. ive always lived by the notion that everybody is attracted to their own personal taste, i. e. what i may think is beautiful, you may think isn't so much, so to me, if somebody calls me ugly, i just take that as theres a person out there who thinks the exact opposite.

to @winter4me, i actually didnt start being medicated until i turns 19. every relationship i was in i was NOT medicated for, so maybe my emotions were WAY too strong and they felt a crazy imbalance in our chemistry? and im currently not in one. the last one i was in was when i was 18. my last one consisted of the woman cheating on me the entire time, and i just kinda gave up after that until now.

to @CharactorAssassin, i shouldve said this in the original post, but the way i acted when i stopped taking Concerta is EXACTLY how i acted when i wasnt on medication prior to being prescribed it. ive basically been white knuckling this whole time and thought it was normal to feel this way. although, going off of it so suddenly couldve made it that much worse. i just wanted to do a self-experiment to see how id act.

which brings me back to what @winter4me said about some people do need medication, i think i may be one of those people. the reason why i didnt start to use medication until this late is because ive always seen it as the "easy way out," and i feel like WAY too many people abuse it and i just didnt want to end out like that, but i see now that it was just a self-pride thing and got over it, because if i wasnt medicated, i would just sit alone and cry and never get anything done.

[winter4me]

Hey, you are ahead of me, I need medication (for major depression, ptsd and an extremely severe anxiety disorder)----and, when I was young the meds didn't exist, once they did, I too wanted to do it without---and didn't take meds till I was into my 30's----and it still took a while (and a few "experiments") to accept even though I am in the mental health field myself---and I could point to accomplishments sans meds---but I was so unable to manage close relationships. You are young! I know there are people who abuse medications and drugs---but that is also an illness, and not a character flaw. I think in this life, even when we recognize what we need, there is never an easy way out. Hugs to you.