I seem to be lost right now. the feeling of depression seems as bad now as it use to be, i feel so trapped, afraid and sick. i feel trapped because of my life and the depression that seems to be consuming me. i feel afraid that i wont be able to help myself anymore and i fear i will have no one all my life to help. and i feel sick because i dont feel like eating properly, but ive eaten tonight - just enough to get by, i have a headache, feel lethargic, energyless and so unhappy. i just cant digest food right now with so much emotional "food" left to digest. does anyone understand what i mean?

i seriously wish i know how to drag myself out of this. i am really trying to work on myself and i know what to do because i did it a few years ago and was happy for a couple of years afterwards, but im back in it now, and normally i know how to fix it, but this time i cant.

i feel lost in a world of evil, and im not evil. so i feel like i dont belong. i see everyone around me enjoying their lives with only minor problems to contend with, but im just spiraling. i need to feel accepted now, i just want ONE person to tell me they are here for me, to be a friend to me. that isnt too much to ask is it. i dont mean offence, but sometimes, being here at PC just isnt enough for me, and i do mean that in the nicest way possible. it does me a world of good being here, and the support is amazing, i wouldnt ever give it up, but i just want a physical relationship with someone i love, not necessarily sex, just someone i can hold when i need to and i can look forward to coming home to. i have never had that and i miss it so much because i see people with that life who seem so happy, and i am dying to experience that. just to be told those words would make me so happy because i wouldnt feel so alone anymore. i have nothing to look forward to it seems, and even though i am only 19 and i have my whole life ahead of me, it doesnt excite me...it just scares me right now. the world is a huge, ugly place when its seen through my eyes...as im sure it is through some of your eyes.

i dont want to suffer anymore, ive done my fair share of hurting, my heart is so broken into thousands of pieces, it seems too much to repair on my own. im tired of crying, and seeing myself with an unhappy look on my face. i feel too miserable and its all ive felt for a while now, and i want it to end so badly. i would do anything to be happy, why am i being denied it, im sure i deserve it by now! what more do i need to prove!

is anyone feeling the same as me. is anyone there to have a chat, or to give some kind words of encouragement. i need a friend right now, and i cant seem to see anyone.

where am i?!

[pegasus]

(((((((((( Simply Simon )))))))))))))))))

Thinking of you.

You express your feelings quite well.

Do you have a T?

yeah i do. go there once a week for 50 mins

[pegasus]

Psych Central is good too, isn't it!

[sammi]

((((Simon))))) anytime you need somebody please know that i'm here for you

I understand everything you said. Sometimes with eating i thinks its just b/c you get so upset about everything eating just doesn't really appeal to you. I know that i've been there.

Half the time i feel the same way as you. It doesn't really seem fair when everybody else can be happy and for whatever reason we cannot be. But we can try . Sometimes even the little crazy things help. Like i like going to the park and swinging.

I don't know if it helps much but for a moment or so it takes away the feelings of being trapped and grounded.

Take care of yourself and remeber that we r all here for you. pm me anytime simon.

warmest wishes

[FaithisAlive]

Oh Simon.. I only just now saw this hun.. I am so sorry you feel such sadness and despair. It wil be okay sweetheart.This is just a slump and we wil get you up out of there in no time. You have been through a tough time of it lately, so it is to be expected that you would feel so down.

You are intelligent and motivated; this means you can and you wil be fine.. you are already a survivor, don't forget that! And now you have been brave and confronted your abuser .. you stood up for yourself by making him leave! How proud of you i am for that!!You should be proud of yourself!

I am here with you, to hold you hand as you walk through this... you are not alone.Faith

[Bethsway]

Simon...my heart goes out to you...I know alot of what you are saying...the hurt deep inside...I wish there were magic words I could say to cheer you up...You are so young...and talented...your music and writing...and I know you don't believe this...but one day you will find your true love and you will write beautiful music to her...for now...I can tell by your posts that you have the ability to write...to make people listen...I am rooting for you!! also maybe changing meds may help...sometimes it helps me...I am caring...and so are so many on here...!!! Feel Better!!!

Bethsway, i just wanted to say i am not on meds. i want to be able to get through this on my own. i was medication a few years and it hospitalised me and so i would rather stay away from it. plus i want to see how far i can go without it. just the way i am i suppose hehe.

thank you all for your kind comments, and Bethsway, i appreciate what you said. it made me see sense a little more.

[JustAPixie]

Hey Simon

I don't know what to say to you. Life is so unfair sometimes and it is the innocent who are left to suffer the consequences. I wish I could help you more, I wish I could make you smile... you mean so much to us here and you always have such kind words to say... I wish I could just click my heels together three times and take your pain away!!!!!!!!!!!!!!