My Girlfriend is depressed

I'm here for my girlfriend. She is 20 and I am 21. Let me give you some back story. Let's call her "Roxy" (so as to with hold identity)

I met Roxy almost two months ago. After we started talking things went pretty quickly for us. As time passed and things went on, she reveled more and more to me about her past. Eventually I came to understand that her life (much like mine) has been filled with depression and generally negative occurrences.

Roxy's depression has surfaced fully now, and it hurts. It hurts both of us very much. She has explained to me that she feels so numb all the time. I can only get her in a better mood when we are together, and even then there is a perpetual sadness that clings to her.

I have been depressed, and I still am. I know what it feels like, and I am trying to help her through this, but it is not helping much. To make things worse, when ever she tries to tell her family, they yell at her and tell her she is faking it and to stop acting that way. Her grandmother (who she lives with) tries to control her life. Just the other day they got into an argument, and her grandmother told her that she wished that Roxy would go hang herself so that she wouldn't have to deal with her any more. I am the only person who acknowledges that She is depressed and hurting.

I guess I'm here to ask for help... any kind of help. Roxy has admitted to needing help, but she can not get it alone or though her family. We are both jobless, and I am going to college right now. We don't no where to start. I'd appreciate anything from this wonderful community, be it links, information, or even simple advice... It hurts us so much... so much i cry as i type this...

Thank you.

Wanting to help others is love Felagund. Sometimes when we love we get ourselves into some deep waters. Hugs on you for not giving up and doing all you can to help her, and yourself.

I think what may happen sometimes is that we unwittingly, in best intention, and even to say, its what we should do when we love someone, is talk to them. We care so we get to know their inside. Inside can be brutal and the outside doesnt always show whats in there.

Her grandma sounds like a person who is afraid to love. Not that she is incapable, but, loving is so much work that in some cases, I suspect people turn off their feelings to avoid the process.

Talking about our feelings with someone can bring it all to the surface and unless we were prepared for what might follow we can feel overwhelmed by it.

Its ok. You're in a good place and there are 1000's of links here to help you.

Try reading the relationship forum is my first suggestion. Talk about it in this forum too. Look at caregivers forum maybe. Look everywhere. Use the search function. You will find support here. Welcome to PC!

You seem like a great guy and she's lucky to have you. Learning someone you love is suffering with depression as someone who lives with it as well is one of the most difficult things to hear. When I found out my best friend is dealing with depression I didn't really know what to do. He won't talk about it because he's worried it'll upset me - he's been there since the beginning and has held my hand on my worst days and has always been there to pick up the pieces. I try to be as supportive as possible and remind him that I love him and I'll be here if he's ever ready to talk.

I think that's the best thing you can do for her: remind her that she's loved and you're there for her, no matter what. Support is the most important thing when dealing with depression. It's a long and difficult road but manageable when you have someone with you to walk down it.

One helpful bit of advice that I can give you from personal experience is don't hold onto the relationship even if you're unhappy with it just because you're worried about the pain it'll put either of you through. Adding more stress won't make matters better.

I hope that you two can bring some happiness into each other's lives. I know it's hard, but you can hold each other up.

Feel free to private message me if you'd like to talk. I'm here for you.

I think being there for her and letting her be honest about how she feels is a way to help her. It sounds like her family is pretty invalidating of her feelings and in turn I am sure she has issues in dealing with sadness herself. My family was like that, but eventually you have tonaccept how you feel to be able to change it. It is hard to have someone you care about being depressed, and it is worse if you have depression yourself so you are inclined go there with her.

Hopefully she can begin to challenge her thoughts and evaulate how she thinks and feels. Myself I struggle ity feelings of worthlessness and a general negative outlook. I can look at my thoughts and find reasons to justify those feelings or reason that those feelings aren't a refelction of reality. I think therapy could help her if you can find a way to get into it without jobs.

They also make low cost antidepressants. Intired Prozac and it was $4 a month. My general doctor prescribedd it for me.

Well I would say one thing is she probably needs to get away from her mentally abusive family for one. Perhaps she could get some help with that though getting professional therapy or something...there are some places with sliding scale fees based on income.

Also just something I might point out, all the anti-deprssants in the world aren't going to help if she's stuck with invalidating people like that. I wish I had better advice as to how to go about helping her improve that situation. I think if someone in my family told me the wish I would just kill myself I'd be going to the ER to be admitted to the psych ward so I don't do just that....I guess i just don't see how healing would take place if one is still in the same damaging situation.

But at least you are there for her, it probably helps her having someone who cares, understands and doesn't invalidate how she feels.

If I were her I'd get away from her toxic family, first and foremost, then see a therapist if she's comfortable with it. Medication may help, but it's not a magic cure or anything; make sure she understands that. She's lucky to have you.