Need some insight. Will a baby help my depression?

venusss · May 23, 2013, 01:29 PM

I didn't read through... but this JUST occured to me... how was your own family? what lead to diagnosis and medication at such tender age? As much as NAMI mommies promote faultless society.... there is usually something wrong in families of kids and teens with MI.

22 is young age to start your own family... is there some reason for such rush?

May 23, 2013, 01:46 PM

Rose, please permit me to make some comments on your excellent post:

2. There is no psychotropic medication that does not pose a possible threat to someone.

God help us if the psychiatrists whom we meet and talk to about our problems in life
have only a recourse to psychotropic medications to help with remission or recovery
in mental illness. Some of the best help I ever had was the compassionate and
intelligent thinking of doctors of psychiatry who had answers to questions that I
could not get a grip on in my conscience. (And that may be part of the problem for
some with bipolar illness: we have a conscience that is too strong--for those who
have strong scruples as many, many do.)

It used to be that psychiatrists had to undergo psychoanalysis as part of their requirement
for the doctorate in psychiatry. I don't know if that still applies, but it might well in some
countries. For me, what the doctor had to say in way of enlightenment was far more valid
in the long run than any prescription ever ordered for treatment (again, in the long run).

Like all careers, there are strong, good people in responsible jobs; there are also people with
educations who are just "out for the money" or incompetent in their field. I would say that
the psychopath might be one who could be very well educated but be "out of it" in terms
of responsible, mature, and compassionate care. The best that we can do is live and let
live and learn all we can about those who are not good at what they do--whatever it is--
because we owe it to ourselves to keep the brain clear of nonsense, if we can.

Your post, Rose, is very intelligent and knowledgeable, in my view, about possible things
that could happen in pregnancy that is not planned. I've been told (and I have no idea
whether this is true or not, so don't quote it, please: the older the mother is in becoming
pregnant, the more intelligent the youngster might be.) I can't imagine that to be true,
but you know one of the ideas is that parents should read to the unborn child to help
in its brain development. Don't ask me to quote a source for that, because it was just
told to me by one who read it and applied it to their unborn child.

Cheers!

newlifeyeah · May 23, 2013, 02:01 PM

i think the role of the psychotherapist is much more important than the role of the psychiatrist. but we shouldn't be categorizing mental "illnesses", because it's so much more complicated than that, and each and everyone of us is a totally different individual, with totally different problems. To treat that (only) with medication is total bullshiit

02:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by newlifeyeah

i think the role of the psychotherapist is much more important than the role of the psychiatrist. but we shouldn't be categorizing mental "illnesses", because it's so much more complicated than that, and each and everyone of us is a totally different individual, with totally different problems. To treat that (only) with medication is total bullshiit

You may be right about that, but in many instances, the role of the psychiatrist is that of the psychotherapist with the addition of the ability to prescribe medications. Both are sometimes used in treatment of mental conditions.

I don't see any categorizing of mental illnesses here. The only answer that I have for that is that many, many people with mental illness do not seek therapy or help at all. In fact, many more are undiagnosed mentally ill than ever seek treatment for their illnesses.

It is just absurd to me to project people into little boxes of diagnosis and treatment. The wise psychiatrist, and there are many out there, is very alert to all kinds of treatment, both psychotropic medications, talk therapy, physical therapy, diet correction, etc., and even statements to some people who seek therapy that "you don't need to see a psychiatrist: somebody else does." Even Dr. Goodwin and Dr. Kay Redfield Jamison who wrote "Bipolar Illness" tell us that bipolar illness is not a static one but a dynamic condition constantly changing.

Life has taught me (not necessarily everyone else, mind you), that truth has a way of ultimately making itself believable.

The longer I post here the more I realize that what we say has meaning that can be interpreted in so many ways that it becomes meaningless to try to carry on a discussion for much longer than an "I agree with you" or "that's good" or "help" or "what does that mean" or "would you please post a source so that we can verify that?"

Maybe that's why we are called on to post a "quick" reply. I'll try to remember that.

healingme4me · May 23, 2013, 02:29 PM

Children do change everything, and often times people settle into a more responsible role. BUT I was say this RIGHT NOW...my 10 year old is tossing a fit because I am refusing to cave into a demand to take him shopping with his allowance money. I have asked him to WAIT and SAVE it!!!

Having a Baby is NOT A CURE for depression, not is it something to be considered as a Cure!

Depression can sometimes come and go and for many, last a lifetime.

I have three kids. It's Exhausting, at times.

((RIGHT NOW, he screaming, and yes. I am dealing with him AND writing on this...OMG OMG OMG, are You kidding me...ARGHHHHH....he is saying))

MOMMMMYYYY....MOMMMMMYYYY>...MOMMMMMYYYY..

and that's after 8 years straight of diaper duty..yeah, I had my kids, back to back, to back.

A CURE for Depression...I think not. I had my last kid at 31 years old. OK?!?

I'd say, work through your stuff, FIRST and then have a baby, when you feel that the desire to have a kid will cure your depression ends...

Best of Luck.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cheshire Grin

My best friend suffers from mild depression, from time to time, and doesn't currently take any medication for it at all. She's been married for over a decade now. She had the full support of her husband, and family, when they decided to have their first child. My poor friend went out of her mind with depression during pregnancy plus had post partum depression. It happened again when they had their second and final child. My friend has had a lot of support from family and friends, but I really can't imagine a person with severe depression being able to be as good a parent as every child deserves.

A child is a nonstop responsibility that lasts a lifetime.

May 23, 2013, 02:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by healingme4me

Children do change everything, and often times people settle into a more responsible role. BUT I was say this RIGHT NOW...my 10 year old is tossing a fit because I am refusing to cave into a demand to take him shopping with his allowance money. I have asked him to WAIT and SAVE it!!!

Having a Baby is NOT A CURE for depression, not is it something to be considered as a Cure!

Depression can sometimes come and go and for many, last a lifetime.

I have three kids. It's Exhausting, at times.

((RIGHT NOW, he screaming, and yes. I am dealing with him AND writing on this...OMG OMG OMG, are You kidding me...ARGHHHHH....he is saying))

MOMMMMYYYY....MOMMMMMYYYY>...MOMMMMMYYYY..

and that's after 8 years straight of diaper duty..yeah, I had my kids, back to back, to back.

A CURE for Depression...I think not. I had my last kid at 31 years old. OK?!?

I'd say, work through your stuff, FIRST and then have a baby, when you feel that the desire to have a kid will cure your depression ends...

Best of Luck.

__________________________

How right you are, in my view! There is always that unconditional love, though, that helps to make life full in meaning. That may be why parents are often suggesting that "I can't wait 'til you have children so you'll know how it is with parenting".

And all the while, those of us who are grandparents are relishing the joy of our grandchildren's presence while we entertain them and then send them back to their parents for discipline and all the other training required.

It all balances itself out in the long run for many of us.

Rose76 · 06:38 PM

Some of the exchange of ideas that has been offered above would possibly make for an interesting thread in its own right. Maybe I will start such a thread. I hope those above with strong, but differing, ideas will participate. This is on the frontier of psychological research. There is room for disagreement. Equally smart and honest people can have different ideas.

In the way I described psychiatrists, there is room for being misled. I do not think that any good psychiatrist would say that the only treatment for depression is medication. Most would probably recommend some form of talk therapy. However, most would refer you to someone else for this therapy. Doctors specializing in psychiatry do not usually undergo psychoanalysis or learn how to conduct it themselves. (Not anymore.) Here is some evidence of that:DO all US Psychiatrists undergo analysis? [Archive] - Student Doctor Network Forums

Of course, we would hope that someone who is as highly educated, and carries as much responsibility, as a psychiatrist is, and does, would be able to offer a person some sage advice. I'm sure most can, and do. What I am saying is that the thing a psychiatrist is specially trained to do is to diagnose disease and prescribe medical treatments. A doctor is not inherently more wise about how to live a successful life in this difficult world than the butcher, baker, or candlestick maker.

I've worked in a number of psychiatric facilities. Doctors mainly prescribe meds. That is, increasingly, all that insurance companies will pay them for. I was hospitalized for depression a year ago. The doctor who attended me in the hospital said he would discuss nothing with me other than medication adjustment. That was a little cold to hear, but it is what is becoming more and more commonly the practice. Here is a link to support that: http://www.nytimes.com/2011/03/06/he...anted=all&_r=0

Since the person starting this thread has quite a long history of being treated for depression, I would suggest that it might be worthwhile to see a good psychologist - even just for 2 or 3 visits. The pdoc, or primary care doctor, would be the best place to start for a reference. Getting into therapy is probably a good idea. The idea of having a baby should be brought up at the next doctor's appointment. I suspect the doctor would, indeed, have some feedback worth hearing.

TanyaP · May 23, 2013, 03:47 PM

A baby has nothing to do with resolving your depression issues, I'm afraid. And medications aren't the best way of resolving them either. Once on medication most of the time you get more and more addicted to it (unless you have hormonal disbalance or something like that); and then once you stop meds for even a short time you feel even more depressed. A much better way of dealing with your depressed moods is seeing a counselor, someone who you can "talk off" your problems with and who will give you a good piece of advise as to how to overcome the issues making you depressed..

06:30 PM

Thanks, Rose. Can you also tell which posters have children and which do not?

Maybe the best lesson in all of this is how differently people respond to things-- based on their
own experiences and their interpretation of the written word. (And Heaven help those who
can't integrate information who get caught up in a thought here!)

It may also be true that, in some cases, a psychiatrist will refuse to discuss anything other than
medication adjustments in an effort to avoid any possible legal intrusion into his practice by
protecting himself against it by refusal to discuss any other aspect of treatment; i.e., why is
the patient in the hospital in the first place when he/she was being treated with psychotropic
medications to relieve symptoms? That's food for thought, in my view. Or why did you let
this patient's condition deteriorate so rapidly on the prescribed medications? (At least one
psychiatrist has left the profession because of conditions that developed in patients from
the use (or misuse) of medications prescribed and the serious injuries which occurred as a result.

I can remember one person who posted some time ago about her husband who has been left
in an incurable condition from liver disease caused by incorrect medical prescriptions that he
should never have been prescribed because of a sensitivity to that drug.

The most effective approach I have seen recently to drug treatment was that offered a lady
whom we had on this forum who is undergoing psychiatric treatment with a psychiatrist who has
certification in acupuncture and told her that he would walk with her all the way in her healing.
Now, that's real treatment of a superior type, in my view.

So often, it's the little child within that is hurting; assurance and compassion offered to this lady
I just mentioned is of a parental type approach that is gentle, consoling, and reassuring. Maybe
psychotherapists are called for more than we realize if they can show care of that type.

Rose76 · May 23, 2013, 06:55 PM

Genetic: I don't quite get the question about "which posters have children?" Unless that information is put down by a poster, I wouldn't make any assumption.

Lots of patients who get admitted to psych wards have already been receiving treatment with psychotropic drugs prior to admission. Also, patients can deteriorate without it necessarily being the fault of the doctor. Some people have recurring suicidal thinking and impulses that can be set off by increased stress. Usually, there is what is called "a precipitating stressor."

I can very much agree with the last two paragraphs above. I truly wish that I was the recipient of more of that kind of psychotherapeutic approach. I believe that hurts which go way back underlie a lot of depression. What you say, in an earlier post above, about traumatic events changing the physiology of the brain is something that I think needs more attention paid to it. Working through that trauma doesn't get half the attention it deserves. I believe that about myself.

KBellam · May 23, 2013, 09:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Trippin2.0

A baby is thee greatest blessing ever!

.... But it will consume you, your life and your time for many years to come, unless you plan on dropping it in the arms of a nanny after you give birth.

Seriously it will, you can't even take a dump without consulting baby first! i.e. Is baby safely in the crib...etc.

I love my daughter to bits, I'd lay down my life for her in a blink of an eye, no questions asked. But I won't deny that parenting is hard work, it is a challenge that needs to be mastered, but with ever changing rules.

Just when you mastered this tiny baby who's skin can tear and needs a routine so baby can learn to sleep through the night, gotit great! Then baby reaches a milestone and is teething, so now you have sad, screaming baby who's gums are on fire and baby is back to not sleeping! So you master crabby baby and then baby can crawl, so you have to learn new strategies, because baby needs different types of safety precautions, then you master this, and now suddenly baby is climbing up things it shouldn't be...and on and on it goes with each developmental stage. You have to grow as a parent and reach parental milestones in order to keep up with your child.

My head is currently spinning because I need to figure out how to tell a 9y.o where babies really come from! So yes, hard hard work, and this is coming from someone with a stellar support system where my daughter is concerned...

If the depression doesn't lift, or gets worse, you will need one hellava support system to help you cope as well as parent. Because as cute as they are, they can drive us nutso like nothing on Earth

I'm in favour of Rose's suggestion to take a year or 2 and prepare yourself for having a baby. IMO, that way when you do have a baby, she / he doesn't arrive with strings attached (your expectant happiness) and you will be in a much better place to be the best mother you possibly can be. This is a healthier and more balanced choice and will benefit all 3 parties involved.

That being said I can't tell you what to do, I can only share my insights and experience.

Idk if this is solely your idea or hubby's idea or if there are other reasons or influences that cause you to want a baby to make you happy, but I always tell people;

Be careful of making life changing decisions based on what others expect or want from you because ONLY YOU live with the consequences.

I have to say this though, kudos to you for reaching out and asking for insight, because I have a friend who impulsively got pregnant to "save her relationship" and that didn't turn out well for anyone. If only she had asked for some insightful input beforehand. Again, I'm not saying don't have a baby, I'm saying its wise that you reached out first so that you can make an informed decision

Thank you so much! I really appreciate the insight.

May 23, 2013, 09:45 PM

Well, maybe it's because I recognize some of the posters and know that they have children.

I know that patients are often hospitalized because of trauma or other reasons than
reactions to medications; I was simply looking for possible explanations as to why
a psychiatrist would very bluntly let a patient know that "I treat only medication
adjustments".

Every time that something has happened to me regarding surgery, the first thing my specialist would say is "it wasn't anything we did". Go figure. Maybe that's why I'm so wary about the readiness with which some doctors prescribe and do it with such ease and confidence, especially when they cannot know much about the patients allergies, inherited allergy gene, etc. They do make mistakes; we all do.

I no longer take a prescribed medication without follow-up on it. I also check on "black box" warnings about a drug, and I check on unusual side effects. For example, I take Prozac. I learned recently that Prozac will drain vitamin B6 from the system in being metabolized, so I take a vitamin B6 about every three days or so to provide that extra boost to my vitamin "warehouse" to counteract the med's drain.

Those are things that I think patients need to know about and be told about by their
psychiatrists. And I think that often a precipitating factor may be the system's reaction to the stress of strong, daily doses of potent medications. But that's just my view.

Well, I'm glad somebody agrees with something I've said; I should celebrate!

Thanks, Rose.

Take care.

KBellam · May 23, 2013, 09:48 PM

Thank you to everyone who has given me their insight to this big question.
I really appreciate all the input and opinions.

Yoda · May 23, 2013, 09:58 PM

I think before choosing to become a parent it should be mandatory to take care of a teenager for at least three consecutive months and then reevaluate.

I have drug people up hills out of wrecked cars as a paramedic and assisted in emergency surgery at bedside as a RN but no challenge in my life has been as tough as living with a defiant teenager.

shortandcute · May 23, 2013, 10:05 PM

It's only natural to think about a baby--babies are sweet and innocent and lovable. However, I do agree with the other posters that having a child will not help your depression. There is the hormonal aspect of it-during pregnancy and right after the baby's born. Plus, babies--bless their hearts--are a LOT of work, and you won't get much sleep or rest for a while, which can really do a number on you; plus babies grow and children can be a lot of stress. All of that could make depression worse.

healingme4me · May 23, 2013, 10:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by genetic

__________________________

How right you are, in my view! There is always that unconditional love, though, that helps to make life full in meaning. That may be why parents are often suggesting that "I can't wait 'til you have children so you'll know how it is with parenting".

And all the while, those of us who are grandparents are relishing the joy of our grandchildren's presence while we entertain them and then send them back to their parents for discipline and all the other training required.

It all balances itself out in the long run for many of us.

That unconditional love thing, is a big deal, no doubt. I've discovered, how ever that unconditional love can be miscued to forgetting who the person behind the mom is, to making the child everything and everything. Balance is important.

Considering my own youth past, to me, the kids were/are a blessing. Yet, I am mindful to maintain my own identity within this. (perhaps, therapy work came through here...or that moment of truth, three screaming babies, not one choice as to who to go to first seemed the right answers. Leaned to let go of what was out of my control.

Being pulled in three different directions, at once, was one of those mind blown moments.

Learned under fire. In doing so, I was also working on my baggage in therapy. Around this time, I learned the value of you cannot please them all.

And eventually, we do grow to be grandparents. Maybe, I'll watch unfold answers to how could I have handled that better, watching my own children, raise there.

There's no rewind/mute/go-back on kids. Once in, it's a lifetime.

Yoda · May 23, 2013, 10:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rose76

I would recommend seeing starting a family as the reward you could give yourself for having achieved some level of recovery, not as the means to recovery.

....

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