[bluedolphin92]

I swear, every time I think I'm getting close to being able to tell my parents I want to transfer schools, my dad goes on another "You must not love me anymore" guilt trip . How can I ever tell them that I want to transfer to a school further from home if they think I don't love them anymore? They'll just see my wanting to get out of state as a confirmation that I hate them, which couldn't be further from the truth.

Today was a very emotionally exhausting day.
My ex was dumping on me while I was helping her...so am I co-dependant or what?
I know I hurt her and all that goes with it...but man she just dumps on me when I am least able to handle it. I almost cried...just let a few tears out...not gonna let her see how much she continues to hurt ME.

[herethennow]

I just want to cry

Sent from my crazy phone using Tapatalk 2

[lindammarie]

Originally Posted by Turtleboy

my mood is good today although i did break a toe yesterday, so silly i shouldn't be running to the bathroom

I think I broke 2 toes this morning. I was "running away" from leg cramps that woke me up... Hope your toe feels better. I think mine do, but they look a whole lot worse...

[Starla Dear]

I'm editing yet another self-help book by someone who has no idea what they're talking about. The current chapter I'm working on is about mental health. Gotta love it when someone with no mental health problems or experience is giving you advice. I just want to reach through the screen and . . .

[bluedolphin92]

I swear to god, my dad is driving me insane He gives me grief for spending so much time up in my room, but then when I do come downstairs and say hi he never seems interested in talking to me, and sometimes goes so far as to ignore me completely. I have no idea what he even wants from me! I wish I could move out.

A slow day at work today. I work in an area all by myself. It's nice that way but sometimes it's lonely. But it's better than having to put up with chattering.

The problem with being in an area like that and work being slow is that it gives me so much time to think about myself. And with my mind the way it is, sometimes that can be dangerous. Today my mind was working like a windmill. Turning really fast because I was having dreadful thoughts in my mind. I was thinking about how everything can go wrong - like having a severe health problem for me or others I care about, losing my home and being homeless, losing my job, and so much more.

This is not my favorite time of year. So many bad things have happened to me over the years at this time of year. So I guess with the heat and they way the sun looks, it brings it all back.

The evening was a little bit better. Took a one hour bike ride after work. Had dinner and then went for a swim. I had the pool all to myself which was nice.

[shortandcute]

i feel like i cannot deal with life anymore; im so tired of this crap--I HATE LIFE!!!!!!

WHEW! Much better day than yesterday. I was all sorts of emotionally challenged yesterday...today was just another day.
I am happy that its time for a weekend!

[herethennow]

empty. but i'm trying to get out of this.
been having urges to si. having images of sui. idk whether i can hold myself back.

best thing ever: the psychiatric ward i was previously admitted to in this certain hospital is closing down. turning into a medical ward. if i have a crisis, where do i go to? to the worst psychiatric ward/hospital in the country.

... congratulations to me if i ever encounter a crisis!!

[Melinae]

hanging in there. my only close friend sort of betrayed me. in pain and cannot breathe

[lindammarie]

Originally Posted by bluedolphin92

I swear to god, my dad is driving me insane He gives me grief for spending so much time up in my room, but then when I do come downstairs and say hi he never seems interested in talking to me, and sometimes goes so far as to ignore me completely. I have no idea what he even wants from me! I wish I could move out.

I think it's time...

[tokiwartooth]

I have been having asthma all day, and I've gotten food poisoning that has lasted a few days now from bad Chinese food...

[Nammu]

I'm feeling detached there are threads that I wish I could say something supportive and kind but I can't seem to find the words lately. I'm also overwhelmed when I let myself think about the fact my last day here will be Aug 31st. I need to pack, then I look at this place and don't have a clue how I'm going to do that. My mother sent an email telling me to find a moving company to do it for me. I can't afford that and ohh.... ... Stopping the thinking now.

[Bark]

sidestepper, I know how hard it is to know where to start. When I see so much to do, my mind blanks out. Try to focus on a small area, even a corner, and aim to finish one small area a day. You could also try covering parts of the room with a sheet so that it looks smaller and emptier. Remember that you're finally headed back to be around family again.

herethennow, I'm glad to hear you're still fighting, even though it must be so tough and it seems like everything couldn't be worse (why are they closing down the ward when the only alternative sounds horrible? Must be for economic reasons....). To you and all the other fighters on this thread, great big metaphorical hugs.

I do read all posts, and if I give you a hug, that's my way of saying I understand and wish things were better. I kind of feel guilty not responding to all posts, but that would get out of hand quickly, and I reply if I think I can make a useful comment. I guess I'm kind of asking you all to forgive me....

I've found out that there's a difference between irritated and irritable, and I was irritated today. My sister drove me crazy as always, but I wasn't angry and pissed off and imagining breaking things or beating people up. I was like that yesterday, for instance. Blowing up at small things. Could be my sleeping later than usual lately, could be meds, could be both... as usual, you can never really tell.

[tigersassy]

Ok. Trying to help myself.

The week ends here! For some reason it seems like it's been hard to get out of bed to go to work for the last three days. Don't have to think about that tomorrow because I can sleep in. Though it's hard to sleep in because the sun comes up early. Maybe the reason I feel so tired is the weather being hot now. It's going to be very hot tomorrow; as some of you may have heard that the Southwest is going to be very hot.

Pretty slow day at work. I got filling my mind with all kinds of bad stuff again with dreadful thoughts. Like I have something wrong or something bad will happen to someone I care about. I even got thinking that something bad will happen to the woman I love, even though as of now, there is no love in my life. Pretty silly, isn't it?

Went for a bike ride after work and went swimming after dinner. The dinner I made tonight did not come out so good. Oh well! Just settling in for the night.

[vintyg]

Could not sleep till 5 last night , traumatic thoughts just refused to leave me . Woke up at 10 , dad is not well but i still could not be of much help . Feeling weak , guilty ,hopeless all at the same time . Feeling like throwing up and dizzy . I want to sleep but scared of the time alone after lying down before sleep actually grabs me .

[herethennow]

i hate it when i want to cry but i can't. this pain sucks..

[lindammarie]

I hate weekends.

[tigerlily84]

It's been incredibly busy at work. Yesterday I was there for 10 hours, and I ended up passing out and oversleeping this morning for my shift. I'm off tomorrow, thank goodness. And my boss still asked me if I wanted to work tomorrow! No, that's my only day off, next to the 4th.
Luckily it was slow today, and then I did some admin data entry work for my boss. That made me feel good, that she would trust me to help her with that. I don't mind that stuff at all, so I was glad to do it.

I just have to take my dog to the vet today, and I think that I'll just veg out after that.

It was not an exciting day for me and it looks like it will not be tonight either. Oh well! Just did some housework and shopping and that's about it. It seems like my friend is not in a good mood today. He has sent me some emails and he seemed critical. I guess it's because he doesn't feel that good. I didn't feel like going out to see him because I was busy and it was too darn hot to go out driving. Very hot and humid. I'm just sweating by typing on here alone!

I heard from a woman I have been writing to for about four years who lives in Illinois. I met her on another board that's about depression (not this one). She told me that her grandmother died. I feel really bad for her. Also a boss that she has a work is leaving and she liked him. She's not too crazy about the new boss that she's going to have.

So it was not much of an uplifting day for me. But at least there's no bad news.

[zamby]

this is my first posting about my day but actually this day wasnt so bad . Hubby actually went to town and got us some food and i made a nice meal and now hes asleeep so i even get some close to sanity time lol

[nicolerose]

yesterday i didnt do much most of the day then in the afternoon i took a walk outside, and ended up seeing a movie by myself. i enjoyed the movie but i felt a bit depressed being by myself. when i was walking back home i felt really overwhelmed by various things in my life and cried for half an hour.

i didnt do much today, just woke up, was on the computer, ate lunch by myself, more computer, dinner, and more computer. i thought about my problems but it makes me depressed.

i feel very confused and lost and i dont know what im going to do in my life.

[Puffyprue]

Not good.