[nicolerose]

its the 4th of july, i feel really pathetic by myself. i am in a new state and i dont know anyone, nobody invited me to watch fireworks with them or anything. the nearest place that i can get to myself i have to take a taxi and it costs about 30 to get there and another 30 to get back. and by now actually the fireworks are almost finished, so i didnt do anything today. i stayed home and hoped that nobody saw that im home.

i would like this holiday and many other holidays if i actually had someone to share it with. otherwise it feels meaningless. like even if i had gone to watch fireworks myself it would just make me feel pathetic. so i decided to do nothing today just be on the internet.

anyone else feel this way?

[unaluna]

You got company here

Sorry you had a bad day. I didn't stay home but I didn't go watch any fireworks either. I bet it would have been fun to have a late picnic and then lie back on a blanket and watch some cool fireworks.

[marlyn]

I live in asia, so 4th july means nothing for me except today my laptop under construction so i do nothing... Looking for my tablet and just to be on internet.
Its very hard to make a plan for this hospital using this tablet.

So, officialy today im just sitting in my desk, thinking about hurting my self, waiting for the time to see my psych this afternoon..
Literally, im useless to be here..

[ajmich]

The 4th and most holidays have been duds for me for decades mainly due to depression, regardless if there is anyone else around to do anything with. Today I had to force myself out of the house, walked with a friend & his dogs, but was miserable (too warm, muggy, buggy out) and slipped into a lousy mood which I had to sleep off for the evening. Fireworks are for kids, or for those who still have the 'kid' alive inside them. Not for me... the noise in the neighborhood (a tourist area) has been annoying. Quiet now though, ahhh

[nicolerose]

Right now I'm actually really regretting not doing anything today. It comes once a year, and the thing is that I was actually trying to make an effort to do something today. Because the same thing happened on new years (I stayed inside and hid hoping no one would notice).

I don't know what happened, I just woke up and was online and lost track of time.. and by the time I knew it it was already late in the evening.

I actually wanted to go somewhere and watch fireworks, even if it was by myself. If someone asks me now what I did I feel so pathetic, "not much..".

I feel so depressed now, because I missed the chance to do something for myself today and it's really bothering me

[nicolerose]

I worry a lot about what to tell people if they ask me what I did today. For example I have a roommate, she spent the holiday with her boyfriend.. and she's going to ask me what I did. I want to lie and tell her that I went out and watched the fireworks at the local marina or some bs, we're not really that close so she'd probably believe it, but I feel so pathetic

And I think that I will run into a couple other people that I cannot avoid (kind of like a co-worker) who will ask me what I did.. and I will also lie again and tell them that I did stuff even though I didn't. anyone else have this problem?

i guess.. like.. i was a bit conflicted because on the one hand i felt really pathetic to do something myself.. its almost like i refused to do something by myself, that id rather do nothing at all than have to do something by myself. like i wait until i have a friend or boyfriend, so that i can have someone to share the day with, and if i dont have someone to share this day with then id rather do nothing, because its kind of meaningless to celebrate myself.

but also, i really wanted to do something for myself today. i tried to tell myself that i can still have some fun by myself, enjoy a day out or something, but somehow the day passed before i knew it and i didnt get a chance to do this

now i feel really depressed

i think that if someone asks me what i did today i am going to lie, because i am pathetic
i might say that i was sick and wasnt feeling well so i stayed in and just slept and relaxed (which isnt entirely false)
or that i went to the marina and went shopping and watched fireworks (which i actually didnt)
but they are acquaintances so they wont really care, its just an answer to give people
because if i say that i actually did nothing im too embarassed to say this and then people feel pity for me that i was alone and i dont want that

[AV747]

Strangers , in most cases, no matter how you spend your days. They ask is for the decency to keep the conversation going. You can say nothing to them, or say what was busy all day. Hold on there, if I would be near , and went with you to stroll and watch the fireworks!