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  #1  
Old Jul 04, 2013, 09:43 PM
Anonymous200125
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So in the middle of the night I get a call. I forget, somehow, that actually my boyfriend does night work. Am I stupid? Yes I think so.

Why do I feel so shocked and upset at what he asked me? Why do I feel so bad that he doesn't trust me? What reason have I given for him to trust me?

He thinks I've been drinking. I have. But when he asked of course I said no. Why did he automatically assume I'd been drinking?

I can't even remember what I'm trying to say anymore.

All I know is that I feel like ****, I am not trusted, and I'm pretty useless. Because I'm a liar, I lied for as long as I remember. I lied that I was well, and it hasn't paid off. Because, really I'm dead.
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  #2  
Old Jul 04, 2013, 09:54 PM
Idiot17 Idiot17 is offline
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i know this isn't much but i lie all the time. My whole life is a lie. Everything i portray to the world is a lie. And I'm dead cuz of it probably So i get some of the feeling.
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  #3  
Old Jul 04, 2013, 10:42 PM
Anonymous33465
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I have surrounded myself in lies since I was young when I tried to tell my parents something was wrong -depression-. I made a mask of lies I could hide behind. It has worked well for a long time, but the last few years depression has become severe and my wife is getting glimpses behind the mask. She can see something is being hidden and jumping to the wrong conclusions. I casually brought up the subject of depression and learned that she has no tolerance for something she views as "not a real problem". Things are getting strained and I see this "I feel like ****, I am not trusted, and I'm pretty useless." in the mirror every day.
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  #4  
Old Jul 04, 2013, 11:33 PM
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bharani1008 bharani1008 is offline
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Member Since: Sep 2012
Location: India
Posts: 565
I would seriously recommend therapy. You need to find out why you lie. It will need some help from the outside to get your ideas sorted out. I think you really want to be a person who can be trusted but you're afraid that if you tell the truth you'll be rejected. But you aren't being yourself and that makes you feel dead. I think it would be pretty scary to always having to invent yourself. How complicated---how tiring. Please see someone soon . Let your friend know that you are having a little trouble and to be patient with you.
Continue to post here. We'll be very interested in how you go on. As you see you are not the only one with this problem. You can really help some people if you take courage and get help.
  #5  
Old Jul 05, 2013, 01:24 AM
Anonymous200125
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When I was 14 I tried to tell my parents that I wasn't happy, my mum brushed it off as a phase and bought me a pair of jeans. I'm 23 now. From the age of 14 until last year I hid from everyone what was going on. Two suicide attempts and three weeks in hospital changed that.

I know why I lie. I don't want people to know how I really am. I've spent so long hiding it that I find it weird for people in my life to suddenly know I'm not 'well'. People panicked all of last year, wouldn't leave me alone, waiting for me to mess up and then they'd just completely smother me. Their way of caring. And they think I'm an alcoholic. I really am not, so when I drink I lie about it. It upsets my boyfriend to know I've been drinking - we nearly broke up several times last year because of this.

I'd rather lie than go through the hassle of people asking all the time how I am, checking up on me, going through my stuff etc etc....
  #6  
Old Jul 05, 2013, 07:19 AM
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AV747 AV747 is offline
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It seems to me that people lie, when fear rejection, when they are not confident. People lie when they are afraid to be themselves. I'm sure there are people that love you no matter what.
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  #7  
Old Jul 05, 2013, 07:35 AM
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Fuzzybear Fuzzybear is offline
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((((((( TheGrace )))))))
I don't have words but am so sorry for your pain..
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  #8  
Old Jul 05, 2013, 05:20 PM
Anonymous33465
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TheGrace View Post
When I was 14 I tried to tell my parents that I wasn't happy, my mum brushed it off as a phase and bought me a pair of jeans. I'm 23 now. From the age of 14 until last year I hid from everyone what was going on. Two suicide attempts and three weeks in hospital changed that.

I know why I lie. I don't want people to know how I really am. I've spent so long hiding it that I find it weird for people in my life to suddenly know I'm not 'well'. People panicked all of last year, wouldn't leave me alone, waiting for me to mess up and then they'd just completely smother me. Their way of caring. And they think I'm an alcoholic. I really am not, so when I drink I lie about it. It upsets my boyfriend to know I've been drinking - we nearly broke up several times last year because of this.

I'd rather lie than go through the hassle of people asking all the time how I am, checking up on me, going through my stuff etc etc....
I started noticing troubles at around 17 best way I could describe it at the time was stress. Described it to my parents as best I could was told "you're too young to have stress, go to school". Tried to bring up the subject of depression many times, but "it's not real". I never attempted suicide, but came really close a few times. I am now 34 and everyone around me thinks I'm happy, friendly, and upbeat. I'm a REALLY good liar with a very good mask to hide behind. I'm not so sure I would be believed if I told my family anyway, so I'll just keep lying.
  #9  
Old Jul 05, 2013, 05:51 PM
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penguinsing penguinsing is offline
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Do you have a drinking problem ? is it something happen that cause you drink ?
  #10  
Old Jul 06, 2013, 03:28 AM
Anonymous200125
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I don't have a drinking problem, sometimes I drink too much every now and then. Generally when I'm having a bad week or whatever. After talking with my therapist about it a while ago we decided I was a problem drinker meaning that when I have been drinking I'm more likely to self harm or attempt suicide or something. I put myself more at risk by drinking basically.
  #11  
Old Jul 06, 2013, 05:18 AM
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Dylanzmama Dylanzmama is offline
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I thought I was a good liar, but people always see through me. Many times people will insult me to my face as it's so obvious my self-esteem is in the negative zone.

Last edited by Dylanzmama; Jul 06, 2013 at 05:19 AM. Reason: Damn you auto correct!!!!!
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