No, this can't happen again I can't do it again

I know the feeling of falling into a depressive episode. I feel like my body turns into cement, I can't move, I begin to fail to speak out loud, it takes me four hours to get out of bed. I can't get myself together and I don't know what to do, I don't want to die, I want to live but I am failing at it again and again and I can't do it again. I can't.

You are not a failure; everyday you are alive, is a success. I know of course you don't feel that way right now. Lots of hugs to you.

Depressive episodes remind me of grief. They come in waves. You think you have gotten over something and things are getting better, then wham.

This is probably the wrong time to suggest this, but is there anyway that you can over do when you feel good, as in get as much done as possible so when the down times come, there will be less to worry about? It sounds like you have an aura when it comes to depressive episodes. That is a helpless feeling. You know what is coming, but feel powerless to stop it. There have been many well known people over the years that struggled with severe depressive episodes. Pres. Lincoln was one. Many years ago, I read an article that went into it some. They said that at times, the staff would know to keep sharp objects away from him. I guess that means you are in good company although I know right now that doesn't matter.

Everything seems to slow down with depression. I know that when things are bad for me, I feel like I am underwater. Its hard to start moving and keep going. Half of what people say goes over my head and what I do hear sounds like a dream. I hope that you have a good therapist to help you get through these times. Its hard to do it alone.

Feel better,
Sam2

Thank you both for your kind words.

I'm starting to feel like I am under water. Like I'm not real. If I think too hard, it feels like I am dreaming and sometimes I need to remind myself I really am awake. My therapist will tell me "let it happen, feel better" and she isn't much help, but she is all I can afford.

I am already scared to leave my room. My obsessive compulsions are already beginning to consume me. I feel like everyone is happier when I am no longer in the way. I can't do this again, I can't. I don't want to go to the hospital again.

((Hugs)) I'm so sorry you feel this way, is there something that you absolutely love to do that you can do now? Try to think of things you enjoy, it helps me to write down lists of things worth living for. When I get really down, I journal all of my thoughts and feelings which helps me a lot. Write down all of the negative things you are feeling and all of the lies your thoughts are telling you then under thoughts write the truth

example: lies: my thoughts are telling me that I will not make it through this again
Truth: I have made it though before and I will make it through again. I am stronger then I was last time and I am more equipped to handle this.

Just some ideas, I really hope this helps. Stay strong <3