what is wrong with me

I been having some anger, mood, and emotional problems. I've dealt with it all my life but lately it has really been getting to me. I don't really know how to explain it but I will try my best but first maybe a little history of me. I've been on SSRI's for years. I think when I was a kid like 10 or 11 years old it was for OCD and some kind of dysphoria cant remember what my records said exactly. I would always have a fear of dying. I went off my meds years later as a teen. after high school I started feeling sick all the time like I had nausea and trouble breathing. doctor gave me a physical and said everything was fine physically. I did some research on the net and it seemed like anxiety and panic disorder fit perfect. went to a well known psychiatrist in the area and it seems if he agreed so he put me on xanax and started me on a very low dose of zoloft. The xanax worked great but it was not something I took often nor did I ask for a refill. I know all about drug abuse as I been around them half my life. I know how bad benzos can be to take all the time. I think now its been over 7 years and i been on zoloft. I just can't go off it, my anxiety comes back every time. I was on 200mgs but now went down to 50mgs. This past year or so though I been feeling kinda different, like something is wrong with me. I get real moody, anger, emotional, and kinda feel like a manic rage. I am able to keep it under control but I just worry what if I can't take it an lose it sometime? Like a couple times I got into minor arguments with friends or relatives and I would just sorta snap and turn into an a-hole. Usually it had to do with them doing something not very smart and me being a jerk. It's not like a big deal but it makes me feel bad for the things I say and I don't know how to take it back. Now friends and family, no big deal, we get over. Strangers, completely different story. I mean I would never kill an innocent person but sometimes I get so angry to the point where i feel like I'm losing control and could do something. I know it's not right but i can't help but feel this deep hatred for some people. I dwell on it and can't stop thinking of it. I mean I don't think I could go through with it but only because I'm afraid of the law. I seriously wish I could see bad harm done to some of these people. There are a lot of examples I could name off of situations that have happen in my life where I snapped but there are so many. I explained to a few close friends and relatives about the situation and it seems like they are telling me to get help or just think i'm blowing off steam. But lately I been so upset about it i've been feeling depressed. I've never been suicidal nor could i see myself being. I used to be afraid of dying. Still am, just not as bad like when i was a kid.

Anyone know if there is anything more wrong with me than just anxiety, panic attacks, OCD? Could this be some kind of bi polar? Is the manic feeling maybe from the zoloft that could have developed after years of use? Do I maybe need to talk to my doctor about increasing my dosage? I'm afraid to tell the doctor too much cause I don't want him to think I'm some kind of psycho which maybe I am.

Hello and welcome! We aren't able to diagnose here. We only know what you tell us. I strongly suggest you go ahead and tell your doc everything. If you don't, then he can't really give you the treatment you might need. I personally think therapy would be the way to go. This anger sounds like it's getting out of hand. I don't suspect you're a "psycho," whatever that means, though.

Most of us here have bitten the bullet and shared everything with our doctors. That's really the only way to get the answers and the help you need.

By the way, benzos are habit-forming, that's true. But if they will make your life less miserable, then I think you should consider taking them. I have taken Klonopin.

I agree that you need to see someone and get control over you emotions. You say " just anxiety and depression and OCD" !!!! That's a lot!!!! It would be hard for anyone to cope with all these conditions. If you need medication there's nothing wrong with that. You have a disease---you need medication. But you probably need therapy also. Please get some help before you alienate your friends and family. They can take only so much and then we have to take responsibility for ourselves.
I feel confident that with the proper help you can feel much better.
Good luck

I have had this condition as you. The doctor told me that I had emotional hyperactivity. The therapist told me to go to a deserted place and scream as much as I can. He also advised me to do sports , to sublimate my aggression. Good output write a diary record all the details that you care about all the details. This will help spill out some aggression on paper. good luck to you!