Never Right

My 17 year old son got made and throw some thing at me. I did not call the police. I don't want him to go to jail. He is Bipolar.My husband says that was wrong I should have called the police, he needs to know that that is wrong. Two days later he gets made again and throws something at me and I call the police. My husband tells me that all I am trying to do is get rid of him. I have know idea what to do. It seems like no matter what I do it is always wrong. I get so mad at both of them I want to sream. I spend most of me time in my room so I don't have to face either one of them.

If anyone knows what I am going through I would love it if you would talk to me and help me understand. I feel like such a bad person all of the time.

You are not a bad person! You did what you felt was best for you and your son. Don't let what your husband tell you get to you. If it still frustrates you just flat out ask your husband to make up his mind and to stick with it. Then just leave the room and let him think about it for a while. Sometimes the person that keeps changing their minds all the time doesn't realize what they are doing. It just needs to be pointed out to him. Let him know how you feel. It's going to be tough but it is what needs to be done! Take good care of you! *hugs*

Thanks pamelasu.

I have tried telling him how I feel and he says that I just hate our son and don't want to take care of him. I don't know what else to do to let him know that I am just tired of the fighting.

Have you tried family therapy? Maybe that might help you to get through this. Your family needs to know when to stop. When my mom was doing stuff like this to me I had just told her to make up her mind and then I moved out. I didn't see her for about 3 months after I had moved out. Then she had decided to change because she knew it wasn't right for her to keep going back and forth like she did all the time. She got scared when I was gone for so long and I didn't talk to her on the phone either. So she changed and now she thinks before acting. Any way take good care of you! Hope your day gets better!

I just know that tonight when my son gets home from school he will be in a bad mood. He is going to come in here and demand that I give him what he wants and if I stand up to him and say NO YOU HAVE TO EARN THE RIGHT TO HAVE THAT, he will yell at me and call me a F'ING *****. I don't know what to do. All I ever do is cry. I have a son that hates me. I just want him to love me. I guess I will never have that. He like to see me cry. He makes a point in making me cry at least once a day. The more mad and upset I get the more he comes at me. If I try and walk away to my room he just kick the door in. I wish there was a hole in my house somewhere for me to hide and no one could see or find me.

Do you have another place you can stay at for a while? Can you stay with a friend or a relitive? It's an option. Just let your son know that you are not going to tollerate him acting that way and leave for a few days. If he still acts that way I would call the police on him again. You have to make sure that you are safe. With him acting that way I'm not sure you are. Please take care of yourself.

((unwanted))

Has your son talked to anyone about his problem?
I agree that you maybe should leave the house for a while.
Maybe he will realize you aren't going to take that treatment any longer.

You did the right thing by calling the police. here in the USA domestic violence is considered a crime no matter which family member or live in the house person that is violent and takes their anger out on another pserson. I myself had to call the police on my child many times. He is now going through a residential treatment program that is trying to teach him appropiate ways to handle his anger and while being in care he has been diagnosed with having a mental disorder in which may be part of why he acts out the way he does.

hang in there. If your son is not 18 you can enforce his having to be in therapy. in fact you keep calling the police he will be court mandated into therapy and or anger management groups and classes so the fact that you are calling the police will eventually lead to him getting the help that he needs. stick with it and do the right thing. no one deserves for any reason to be assaulted be it family members or not.

(((Unwanted))) seems to me your husband needs to make up his mind. He can't be telling you to do one thing and then turn around a couple of days later telling you you did the wrong thing, when you followed his instructions.
You are not a bad person. You're just living in really difficult circumstances. Is your son on medication? perhaps worth discussing with your doctor?
Take care.

I want to say thank you to all the people that responded. To answer your questions. He is seeing a Therapist, he is on 3 different meds and he has been in a treatment center. So where do I go from here. To the nearest hole in the ground. He has decided that he is not coming home today until he feels like it. What can I do? NOTHING!!!!! Why because no matter what I do he always gets what he wants. I am just a person that is suppose to make his dinner, wash his clothes, be his taxi and be his maid. I love being such a wanted person

Hi Unwanted,
You need to stop doing those things for him and let him do them for himself if he's not going to listen to your rules.
Kick him out of the house next time he throws something at you.
Your husband lets him get away with this?
I think he should push him up against a wall and have a little face to face talk with him.
I'm afraid your son is going to end up beating womem if he's taught that it's okay to treat his MOTHER like that.

He needs to be disciplined. Your husband needs to support you and crack down on this kid and teach him to respect women.
This is very upsetting and YOU'RE the one who's coming off like the villian which is the worst of it.
(((((Unwanted))))))

I would stop doing those things for him! He needs to learn to take care of himself. So what if he has dirty clothes let him wash them for himself and if he is hungry make him fix his own dinner if he's going to be acting the way he is. Just start making him grow up more. Make him do things for himself. It's called tough love, we all have to do it at some point and time. Hang in there!