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#1
Jul 19, 2013, 08:32 AM
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i don't know if this is the right place or not, i just needed to get some stuff out..
i don't really know where to start.. A lot has happened to me and i get very down and end up crying alot.. Sometimes i feel like im slipping away.. Like im not human... Like im just a shell... i really can't remember a happy time.. There has always been trouble.. i am one of seven kids. Three boys and four girls. All the boys in the family don't speak to us anymore and its just the girls here and my parents.. i haven't seen my oldest brother in seven years, second 8 years and the last almost a year. my second oldest brother use to hurt me.. From three to six years of age.. Then when i was eight it started again.. Only it was this Guy i barely new.. i just got away from Him last year because this other guy got Him away from me.. He's know in jail now and isnt very happy with me.. my friend is always here for me but i get kinda afraid of him.. i believe he wouldn't hurt me. So i know i am stupid for it.. im always afraid he will leave and take whatever sanity i have left.. i feel very stupid and worthless all the time.. Like im not important.. Like i don't matter... i just am tired of everything.. my friend is the only one i can talk too.. i graduated and i was homeschooled so i don't really have any friends.. i just always kept to myself... im sorry. i just needed to get some of this out. It hard keeping it in all the time.. Sorry if this is kinda all over the place i haven't slept in a few days. |
 Anonymous100103, Anonymous37781, bharani1008, gayleggg, healingme4me, herethennow, Piglette
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#2
Jul 19, 2013, 02:16 PM
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Hi, it's nice to meet you
 This is the perfect place for talking about the things you need to talk about. Please keep posting
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#3
Jul 19, 2013, 02:37 PM
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Welcome. Glad to meet you.
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#4
Jul 19, 2013, 02:50 PM
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Quote:
I'm so very sorry to hear that you are having such a terrible time. I suffer also and have found lots of comfort here on Psych Central. Please keep posting. And I do hope you find comfort here. I hope you can get some rest soon. Take care! 
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#5
Jul 19, 2013, 11:52 PM
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Dear Foreverhopeless, Welcome to PC.
You need not feel hopeless. So many of the people on this site have found ways to cope with depression. There are good options for you. I think you need to see someone for help. There is a lot going on with you and it may be difficult to sort everything out for yourself. A counselor or therapist can help you sort through all the tangles and help you see things more clearly. IMO it is not surprising that you are feeling insecure and have low self esteem. You haven't been in a circumstance that would help you develop these skills. You are from a large family and may not have had the attention you needed. On top of that you were abused by someone you should have been able to trust. You are a valuable human being with intelligence and insight. I know how easy it is to depend on the opinion of someone outside oneself to make us feel worthwhile. If you don't feel complete inside then you will allow someone else to define you. That leaves you vulnerable. If you can you should begin to build up a personal definition. Who do you want to be? If you need to feel useful and worthwhile you can volunteer to help other people or animals. If there is a community center available to you maybe take some craft classes or begin to study something you can use in the job market. Not only will these things help your self esteem but you will meet so many new people. It will open up a new world for you. I hope you get the help you need. Good luck |
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#6
Jul 29, 2013, 12:00 AM
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thank you everyone who has replied. i have tried to talk to a a shrink, and they said everything was my fault.. i only have one friend and he tries to help, but ends up getting hurt in the process.. And then i get so scared of him and don't know what to do.. i do have animals, and they keep me going for the most part. But i feel bad for them having to be stuck with me.. i tried to kill myself several times and think about it alot, but ny friend won't let me and he said it hurts him when i talk like that, and i dont want to hurt him.. i am handfeeding a bird and that helps a bit, but I'm always afraid i am doing something wrong.. i study animals alot but most i still see everything that happened.. With Him.. And everyone... No matter what i do, i still see everything.. Playing over and over in my head.. Like a movie that never ends.. i do feel hopeless.. i never get any better i get worse if anything.. My friend says it takes time, but i feel like a failure.. Like nothing i ever do is right.. Sometimes i wish i could just be shot and get it over with.. And now my grandpa has cancer and nay die soon..:*(Thank you everyone for listening.. i was kinda afraid everyone would yell at me.. Thanks.
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| Idiot17
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#7
Jul 30, 2013, 03:39 AM
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Dear you,
From what I understand, your friend seems to have a lot of hope in your recovery. And he's right . Healing needs time and you have gone through a lot. That health professional just didn't reach out to you as he should have done. May I suggest that you look up for another one with whom you could undergo a more positive therapy. You could benefit so much from that in addition to your friend's support. It's a good thing to be around animals and to nurture them. It soothes the soul in some way. Take care |
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#8
Jul 31, 2013, 12:56 AM
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He does try to help.. But i get so scares of him.. And i really don't wanna go back to one.. i don't know how i would ever get better.. All i ever think about is what happened with Him... And then everything with my family second. i know i did a lot wrong.. i don't even know how to decribe it.. My friend tries so hard... i get so scared he will get tired of me and leave it hurts to think he might.. But then i still am scared of him and Jump when he comes near or asks something.. i get so afraid that i will disappoint him, that i try even harder to please him and then i get really stressed, and i have heart problems so it makes it worse but i can't help it... And i don't understand why i am so scared of him but i don't want him to leave or disappoint him... i feel like i fail at everything.. And can never please anyone.. i always worry about it.. i hurt so much from everything i started cutting my wrist to make it better.. Help with the pain.. i have been doing it since i was eight and He said i wasn't allowed and broke my hand for it and i never went to the doctor so it healed kinda weird.. But i still did it, i just learned how to hide it from Him.. And then my friend let me do it once because of how bad i was getting and it helped and i was able to be okayish for awhile and then a got really bad again and did it without telling my friend and accidentally cut too far and my friend doesn't let me do it anymore.. i feel like a freak...
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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