[Music Rules Me]

When I come on here I always just feel like a whiny ******.
But this is the only place I feel I can really turn to to talk.

I really don't know what to do. With every passing day I feel worse if that's even possible. Every night I cry myself to sleep and spend every waking minute wishing I wasn't.

I don't feel like I can ever be happy. Especially since I can't remember anything else than this and struggle to believe in happiness.
But people on here have said I can get better. And I don't know if they're right. I cannot see anyone about it seeing as I haven't been to the doctors in 9 years, even for broken bones. And I don't know who I would be if there was such thing as better.

My best friend is content in her life. She's losing weight, got a lover and its close to finishing a degree. She was the only one who I felt could even partially understand.

I feel so glad that she's finding happiness. But at the same time as she does I'm feeling even more alone. I'm the fat, untalented, unloved, ugly, stupid one. I always have been, but now even more so.

I mean I'm so glad that she's progressing in life, but I'm just so hopeless. And I don't know what to do.

As I said, I'm just a whiny ****** in the end, so sorry. But I don't know who else to talk to.

Thanks for being here. I hope you're all alright xxx

[bharani1008]

Hi Music Rules Me. I can't tell if you are seeing anyone for help or not. I'm one of the cases for whom the medication worked. I can state for a fact that feeling better is a real thing and if you experience it you will feel more yourself than you feel in your depression. I understand being nervous of change. Sometimes what we know is just less scary than any kind of unknown. Please let me assure you that you can get better with help. As you have already proven to yourself, you can't cure yourself.
I hope you just give getting help a chance. You have nothing to lose. Go give it a try.

[online user]

Don't ever apologize for coming here and telling your troubles. That's what we're here for, and all of us have had similar feelings, at least to a degree. Hope you can get some help and will feel better.

[Rohag]

It's good to 'see' you, Music Rules Me.

Regarding your friend:

I feel so glad that she's finding happiness. But at the same time as she does I'm feeling even more alone.

When depression finally took me down to non-functioning status, many of the people I knew moved on in their lives leaving me behind. I don't blame them; I expected them to move on. And, thanks largely to my medications, I feel little of my own loneliness.

Here's hoping you find some sort of psychological flotation device. I cannot know whether or when you will attain happiness, but I do believe your odds are good that someday you will feel better than you feel now.

[Music Rules Me]

Thanks all of you.
I'm not seeing anyone, and I doubt I will ever.
It's just hard to deal with everything, as I'm sure you understand.

I very much just want to sleep and never wake up. As much as I know it's selfish, at least I'd never have to deal with this anymore.
I suppose that's just another of my flaws: selfishness.

I just dont know how to deal with it. And I dont know how to help myself. I dont know how to make myself feel anything other than this.

Living is hard. Even harder when you have noone to turn to. Even harder when the things that at least make living bearable youre no good at. Even harder when youre not actually good at anything (ask any friend, family member or teacher. They'd verify that!)

I know that other people feel the same, but how do they deal with it?

My best and only real friend has moved on (and still chooses to take the mick out of my weight and all of my other flaws, despite my hate of it, and the fact i dont say anything about hers)
My choice of study is expensive and I'm not even good at it.
My "hobbies" are all things I'm worst at.

I dont know what I'm meant to do with this. Is there any point in even living, really?

Sorry xxxxx

[Dionysius]

[QUOTE=Music Rules Me;3215702]Thanks all of you.
I'm not seeing anyone, and I doubt I will ever.
It's just hard to deal with everything, as I'm sure you understand.

I very much just want to sleep and never wake up. As much as I know it's selfish, at least I'd never have to deal with this anymore.
I suppose that's just another of my flaws: selfishness.

I just dont know how to deal with it. And I dont know how to help myself. I dont know how to make myself feel anything other than this.

Living is hard. Even harder when you have noone to turn to. Even harder when the things that at least make living bearable youre no good at. Even harder when youre not actually good at anything (ask any friend, family member or teacher. They'd verify that!)

I know that other people feel the same, but how do they deal with it?

My best and only real friend has moved on (and still chooses to take the mick out of my weight and all of my other flaws, despite my hate of it, and the fact i dont say anything about hers)
My choice of study is expensive and I'm not even good at it.
My "hobbies" are all things I'm worst at.

I dont know what I'm meant to do with this. Is there any point in even living, really?

Sorry xxxxx[/QUOTE/] Don`t apologise for feeling crappy, if posting on here helps then just do it, when I first posted on here I felt I had to say sorry too. People on here have been very supportive and their comments have helped me. I hope you feel better soon, regards Dionysius.

[Music Rules Me]

Originally Posted by Dionysius

Don`t apologise for feeling crappy, if posting on here helps then just do it, when I first posted on here I felt I had to say sorry too. People on here have been very supportive and their comments have helped me. I hope you feel better soon, regards Dionysius.

I dont know, I feel deep down I need to apologise. There are so many people who need and deserve the help and support from the people on here, whereas I'm just moaning about my stupid little issues.
But thank you, nonetheless. xxxxx