Just me?

Sometimes when I see my psychiatrist I come away feeling really ashamed and guilty. I feel like my appointment is a test and I failed it. Like today. I've developed an eating disorder and my anxiety is still not under control and I have chronic back pain due to osteoarthritis which my Nurse Practitioner won't give me any pain medication to relieve.

He explains to me that I'm on a lot of medications and he's worried about the effect they are having on me with no food in my system. He explains to me how serious this weight loss is, but he doesn't help me understand why I'm doing it or how to stop it. He just tells me that I have to eat more. Maybe my psychologist should be helping me understanding why and how to stop. I feel like I'm getting all this help so it's somehow my fault that I'm not getting better. I came home crying and telling myself that I'm such a loser that I'm even "failing live".

Psychiatrist, psychologist, nurse practitioner. I imagine none of them talk to each another, making you the patient - a non-specialist - the only mediator.
I've felt that or something similar. It's hard for me to shake off the sense of the pdoc, etc. as a kind of magisterial authority figure. I fight the feeling, but it still gets in the way of effectively communicating to them what I think I need.

If I could grant you a wish, it would be for all your caretakers to be herded into one conference room where they would all focus on your case, approaching it from all their separate professional angles simultaneously. Maybe they could come up with a comprehensive treatment plan. I know; I'm dreaming (for you, for me and for anyone with multiple docs and complaints).

I agree your psychologist should be helping you understand why you are doing what you are doing and helping you with suggestions on how to stop. I might try a new therapist. I'm so sorry you are feeling so bad.
Gayle

I always get anxious when I go see my pdoc. I feel like I'm just whining and being melodramatic. But I usually am able finally to tell him how I feel. He's such a nice man but still I feel afraid!!??
It might be better for you to do your own research as to the causes of the kind of disorder you are experiencing. For instance, in nursing school the theory with most eating disorders was that when we feel that we have no control in our lives, one of the few things we CAN control is our food. I feel that this is a valid explanation for me. I don't have an eating disorder but I do obsess about my weight. I can make so few choices in my life. For me also, I'm sure, that it is societal pressure to be thin. But the control issue seems truest.
I feel for you.

That would be awesome. Thanks.

That's exactly what I feel and what I tell him. It's one of the few things that I can have some control over. But I do understand, in my head, that this is a really serious problem and I could hurt my physical health by losing so much weight. Somewhere in my emotions I still tell myself to lose a little more, just a little more.