[Grey Matter]

Among my friends at home, I am known as the "free shrink". Which, at first, when my own illnesses weren't at play; I didn't mind. I love helping the people I care about, and I did what ever I could to help them and let them know I am there. But, that feeling of care is never reciprocated.

I have been in and out of doctors, hospitals, you name it, all week for tests, etc. I was diagnosed today with an autoimmune disease and I am scared. Why? Because my dad is 50 and already is in kidney failure and these diseases attack your organs. Death doesn't scare me. Knowing I am more likely than not going to be in constant pain (I already am, my joints never stop hurting) scares me. Because it makes me disabled and I can't be that way.

I opened up to one of my best friends, and after all I wrote and after I was honest; all I got was a "sorry". I texted my other friend so I could actually get out of my house, and instead of saying "nah I don't feel like hanging out" she just doesn't text back. I think I am more upset with the first friend considering for the past month I have been her anchor. I gave her 12 page replies on her mental state, always picked up the phone, was always there. But now that I need my friends, it's like they couldn't care less. I have become the free shrink. The one who saves everyone but the one who couldn't matter in a thousand years.

I am so angry and so god damn alone that I just want SOMEONE in my small effing friend group to go "wow, I think they need me." and ACTUALLY REACH OUT TO ME.

I am done saving other people. No one cares about me. No one cares that maybe I need them right now. No one cares that I am actually scared.

I am a good. An irrelevancy. I should have known better. I am an idiot.

[spondiferous]

Yep. I'm there too. I think I've pretty much been off the radar for three weeks and nobody's called or texted the entire time. Except my friend Wes, who I'm designing clothes for (for his film). He texted yesterday to say the costume designer would be out til next week so we could get together then. I replied that I've just had a complete breakdown and don't know when I'll be functional again and so he'd likely want to find someone else to take on the role. Still haven't heard anything back.

[Rohag]

No, not an idiot.

Originally Posted by Teen Idle

I was diagnosed today with an autoimmune disease and I am scared.

Has anyone in your group of friends faced what you are facing?
You need understanding ears to hear you. Might one of those hospitals or caregivers have a support group?

[bharani1008]

Thanks Rohag, I just got so angry at the way Teen Idle was being treated that I forgot that point. People who haven't really suffered can't comprehend suffering.
Still it's rotten the way you were treated, Teen. It makes me really angry for you. Grrrrh! You don't deserve that. You've been a good friend. I don't know what you can do about it except be engaged here a little more with people who understand.
I hope you find good ways to help with your problems. There are new treatments being discovered all the time so chances are good you will find help.
Good luck

[Grey Matter]

Thank you all.

Rohag; I will look into it. I think it's more frustrating to me that this isn't the first time I've been wiped away by my "friends". No matter what, it's them before me, and I feel like I let that happen. When my brother died; I got maybe three texts. The only person who was there to pick me up and just sit with me while I sobbed was ONE person. And I will never complain about them because I almost feel like I don't deserve them. But this isn't anything new. I am constantly this outlet for people to use. And it's exhausting. I just want someone to give a damn but it seems like it's just beyond them. And I've given so much of myself to all of them. It's just. ugh.

Bharan; Thank you. Please don't be mad, it's alright. I just need to figure out my footing I guess and sort through my priorities and make sense of it all. I just feel used and ignored and hurt. I don't even care if they have nothing to say but even just a "I am so sorry you're sick. If there is anything you need, let me know" would be SO comforting. It would remind me I haven't wasted my energy on these people. I will try to be open here more, though.

[Fuzzybear]

PM me if you like
(I can relate.......)

[Trippin2.0]

This is why I've ditched everyone, save for 1 friend and my bf. If its not about them, it doesn't matter, they have you on speed dial, they cry and bleed all over you and you comfort and clean their wounds, over and over, but its never reciprocated...

I really feel for you TI, I hope that we can be some form of support to you during this very scary and lonely time.

[avlady]

I AM sorry for your predicament, it happens alot i guess, i feel the same way alot too. I think maybe people are so bad off they can't walk a mile in another's shoes, but i suggest they should try it!!!!!!

[dizzyjxxxxx]

i feel the same way too, lots of huggles and best wishes, I am so sorry that you are physically ill too, look after yourself xxxx

[Grey Matter]

Thank you all. Your messages are really comforting <3

[tigerlily84]

I would agree with the others, that you need to talk to people that can understand what you are going through. There is something that I am working on in my own therapy: how to develop healthy boundaries. It's really hard, but I think it's worth it. I've had some success with my mom doing this. I happened to see this article on the PC homepage: 4 Tips for Setting Healthy Boundaries | World of Psychology

Hopefully it will help.