new girl

Hi....I usually post on the psychotherapy forum but I figured this one might be better suited regarding my depression. I am in therapy now, have been since this past January. It is a very slow process. We are still at the tip of the iceberg but I think the work will begin soon.
These are my feelings:
Alone, not wanted, pathetic, sad, smiling on the outside but crying on the inside, little hope, not sure I want to live, can't seem to explain what my feelings are, numb
I feel like I'm not good at anything...I feel like a loser. And I hate being such a downer, I'm sorry for that. I never reveal this stuff to anyone...not even my T. The most people can tell is that "I seem a little sad". Nobody knows the hell that I internalise. It hurts too much and I just don't know what else to do...thanks for listening.

Those are huge emotions, thank you so much for sharing those with all of us that was really brave of you. I can identify with some of that, especially not being able to explain feelings and internalizing things. Trust me, being completely open with your T is worth it, stuffing things is really deadly. Getting all of that out in the open (for me at least) is so freeing and helps lessen the pain of it. I should talk though, I haven't been able to be completely honest with really anyone but the few times I have been able to be it makes such a difference. But that's all a part of the process of healing and the journey. Maybe take a copy of your post the next time you see your T to help break through the tip of the iceberg?

((Hugs))

Hi,horse girl
Thank you for responding. One of the things that I work on is trying to let my T know exactly how I feel..,,it is hard. I am getting better....just sent her what I call a nasty gram....otherwise known as email. I kind of let her have it....its my stuff.,,my insecurities... par for the course. Depression sucks....it comes and goes . I wish it would just go and never come back.
Thanks again for your support...it helps.
1step.

I understand those emotions I have them a least everyday. I hope your T helps you over come them!