[Edda]

I'm starting to feel a little overwhelmed and frankly, anxious that I might have lost the skills or inner resources to pull through this rough, really, really rough patch of my life.

After a recent breakup with significant other I experienced a serious worsening of my bpd and depression symptoms. Well, no surprise there so far - such emotional trauma would shake even a perfectly healthy person to the core. What is not at all expected though is that everything seems to be falling apart in my life. Absolutely everything.

It appears that I am facing a serious physical health issue that's giving me a real fright at the moment. My living arrangement is compromised. I find it near impossible to carry out basic tasks, let alone work. I have symptoms that make me doubt my diagnosis - there is just too much dissociation and really weird stuff going on. I can't sleep. I have become addicted to self harm.

The worst thing is - while I had largely been drowning in pain, confusion, I recently found some sort of a genuine will or at least desire to pull through, to move on and I am shocked to realize that I don't seem to be able to.

I have become practically dysfunctional and I have major issues with memory and concentration and that scares me.

I am receiving therapy - on no meds at the moment - but everything seems so incredibly slow; I'm sinking much more quickly than the lifeboat can possibly get to me and if I'm honest, I doubt they actually have life rings on board. Meaning - I feel so much "ahead" of those trying to help me.

I feel really isolated.

I'm not really posting to fish for sympathy; I really do think that it is up to me and me only to get better somehow but I really seem stuck; more than ever in my life.

I'm wondering if anyone might have some constructive ideas.

[allme]

I don't really have any suggestions for you as I usually just have to ride the wave until it ends. I just want to show some support and give some hugs

[Edda]

Originally Posted by allme

I don't really have any suggestions for you as I usually just have to ride the wave until it ends. I just want to show some support and give some hugs

Thank you, I appreciate it.

I don't know that this will help at all but just what popped into my head as I read this today. when you mentioned being kind of stuck what popped into my head is some kind of change or action that would take you out of the midst of overwhelming thoughts of everything right now when clearly you're probably spiralling and spinning your wheels a bit. (just my interpretation of what's going on)

What do I mean? i dont' know what would work for you and I don't have any idea what options you have available to you at the moment. Examples that would work for me in this type of situation is getting out, doing something either you haven't done in a long time that is relatively mind freeing or something you've never done that will take all of your energy and thought resources to do. For some it could be a place, for others it could be an activity but I think the key here is it has to be interesting, and appealing enough that you would be taken in by this "thing". I am not sure if I'm making sense.

I gues the best example I have is that I just got a tattoo. Never had this done. it was a different experience and no I'm not suggesting you do this but bear with me. It was a different environment, people I'd never dealt with and for me it's relatively stressful, which could be bad but it wasn't. It tool all of my attention and energy to deal with new people and going through the experience itself was enough that I know had I been in a bad state or even "stuck" it would have brought me out of it. I know I came out of there very relaxed and happy with things. And although I wasn't particularly doing badly I know it is something that would have helped me if I hd been.

Maybe I'm talking from left field here but just what popped into my head.

Hope it helps, S4

[TombE]

I can relate to your situation and bpd and depression. You need a distraction. Pick up a new hobby. Go for a run. Reconnect with friends. Begin an art piece. Anything to get your mind away from the overwhelming thoughts. Go for a walk on the beach or in the park. Go see a movie. Just anything. Continue going to therapy and don't feel discouraged. Maybe you can find new coping methods through your therapist. I would just immerse myself in something fun and that will get your focus off of the negativity. also, just take a moment to relax and breath. Sometimes I go for long drives to relax.

[Edda]

Thank you, guys. While I think distraction is not quite the solution, I guess it might get me closer to one.

Thanks again.

[BumbleHero]

Originally Posted by Edda

I'm starting to feel a little overwhelmed and frankly, anxious that I might have lost the skills or inner resources to pull through this rough, really, really rough patch of my life.

After a recent breakup with significant other I experienced a serious worsening of my bpd and depression symptoms. Well, no surprise there so far - such emotional trauma would shake even a perfectly healthy person to the core. What is not at all expected though is that everything seems to be falling apart in my life. Absolutely everything.

It appears that I am facing a serious physical health issue that's giving me a real fright at the moment. My living arrangement is compromised. I find it near impossible to carry out basic tasks, let alone work. I have symptoms that make me doubt my diagnosis - there is just too much dissociation and really weird stuff going on. I can't sleep. I have become addicted to self harm.

The worst thing is - while I had largely been drowning in pain, confusion, I recently found some sort of a genuine will or at least desire to pull through, to move on and I am shocked to realize that I don't seem to be able to.

I have become practically dysfunctional and I have major issues with memory and concentration and that scares me.

I am receiving therapy - on no meds at the moment - but everything seems so incredibly slow; I'm sinking much more quickly than the lifeboat can possibly get to me and if I'm honest, I doubt they actually have life rings on board. Meaning - I feel so much "ahead" of those trying to help me.

I feel really isolated.

I'm not really posting to fish for sympathy; I really do think that it is up to me and me only to get better somehow but I really seem stuck; more than ever in my life.

I'm wondering if anyone might have some constructive ideas.

I'm going to have to disagree with your statement that it's all up to you. Because I thought that for a while. But honestly, all these nights of loneliness and just tired of being alone, I'm finally going to a support group tomorrow. I think to a certain extent we can all control what happens in our lives, but to think we have total control is, I think, an illusion. I come from a codependent family, where you're raised to be anything but independent and absolutely no skills on how interdependence/socializing works.

I don't mean to immediately bring down your point of view, and I hope I haven't offended you. But I do relate to your feelings, the feeling of my life is in my own hands and how I know much more about me and what I need than those who supposedly are helping me. It sucks to be stuck. I hate it, too.

The only suggestion I have, is looking for support groups. To be in an environment where it is safe to be who we currently are, we are vulnerable and we need compassion. And most of the time, it will come from those who have experienced the same things we've gone through. That is why I'm also giving it a try. Because no matter what, I'll never shake the loneliness away until I take the chance to reach my heart out. And honestly, I'm scared. Because the way my family has handled my heart, I'm a lot more sensitive than I let on and wish to be.

[Edda]

Thank you for this.

I so wish I could act on your advice.

The truth is; I generally hate people and I really do believe that it is all up to me and me only. I am just as hard on myself as I am hard on others.

Thank you though. I am grateful for your good intentions, kind words and your insight.

I guess I am just beyond help.

Originally Posted by BumbleHero

I'm going to have to disagree with your statement that it's all up to you. Because I thought that for a while. But honestly, all these nights of loneliness and just tired of being alone, I'm finally going to a support group tomorrow. I think to a certain extent we can all control what happens in our lives, but to think we have total control is, I think, an illusion. I come from a codependent family, where you're raised to be anything but independent and absolutely no skills on how interdependence/socializing works.

I don't mean to immediately bring down your point of view, and I hope I haven't offended you. But I do relate to your feelings, the feeling of my life is in my own hands and how I know much more about me and what I need than those who supposedly are helping me. It sucks to be stuck. I hate it, too.

The only suggestion I have, is looking for support groups. To be in an environment where it is safe to be who we currently are, we are vulnerable and we need compassion. And most of the time, it will come from those who have experienced the same things we've gone through. That is why I'm also giving it a try. Because no matter what, I'll never shake the loneliness away until I take the chance to reach my heart out. And honestly, I'm scared. Because the way my family has handled my heart, I'm a lot more sensitive than I let on and wish to be.