[Indie'sOK]

Hi there,
I've been meaning to post about this for awhile but have put it off until now. I'm not 100% sure that what I'm experiencing is depression, but I've got a pretty good feeling. For the past few months I've felt worse than I have in a long time. It's like I literally do not care about anything anymore, at least nothing important. At school I almost never turn in anything on time because I cannot bring myself to do it, I just don't care enough. I'm a senior and supposed to be going to college in the fall. I'm going to community college so it shouldn't be too much to handle. It's just that I'm not looking forward to it at all, to the point where I don't even really want to go anymore. Back in middle school I was sure that I wanted to be a psychologist, maybe even get my doctorate. I don't want to do that anymore, though I still maintain an interest in the subject. At the most I want to get my bachelors and maybe do something in writing. But how will I be able to manage that when I'm struggling to even finish high school? It's more than just senioritis because I've felt this way for a long time. I'm very much into natural living and what most people consider the "hippie", bohemian culture. I just want to live off the earth and live with people who feel the same. I don't want to have a fast paced, glamorous career someday. I don't care if I make a lot of money. I just want to relax and enjoy what I do. That seems so far away. I just don't understand why I feel so apathetic. I just don't care anymore. I'm sick to damn death of teachers and everyone bugging me. Why can't they just leave me alone? I feel like sleeping, like that's all I want to do.

I'm sorry if this sounds whiny, that's not what I intended. I just don't know what's going on. I keep telling this stuff to my therapist but its like she doesn't get it, like she ignores it or something. I have an appointment with a psychiatrist in April but that seems so far away.

April isn't far away, so look forward to a visit with a specialist who will listen very carefully to what you are saying and will know just the appropriate medication (if it's
called for) to help you get a better feeling tone.

It sounds to me as if you do have a little "senioritis", as you call it (never heard that
expression before, but it's a very good one and very descriptive), but at any rate,
be patient until your psychiatrist nails the answer for you.

Be sure to get your rest, eat well, and think good thoughts and you'll know very
soon how whatever it is needs to be treated.

Take care.

[Indie'sOK]

If I do, which I doubt, I think I've got more than just a little bit. I don't understand why everyone seems to belittle what I'm feeling. :/

I like your views about money and success. Its never the answer to finding contentment. It is enjoying what you do and it sounds like you know what you want (live off the earth, Bohemian culture etc.) But may not be a possibility which causes your depression and feeling apathetic. My older son struggles with similar issues, as in, he feels that the courses he takes are not interesting enough anymore to hold his attention long enough to complete them.
I'm sorry you feel as though you are being belittled. Depression is serious. Knowing what you want isn't always enough. I wish I had more help but I hope someone with more insight comes along soon to help.

[BonnieG2010]

I'm no doctor but what you describe feels like depression: the not wanting anything or care for anything special.
But then there's something you want and you know that precisely, so go for it!! You shouldn't have the life you don't want, but the one you want!!
So why not try and find people and places where you can live your dream of living off the earth?
I guess you can't do it right away, but building up dreams is one of the best things in our lives!!

[Bob1963]

I'm having the same problem. I'm not really sure when it started maybe two years ago. Things have been getting worse. I don't care about anything anymore. I feel numb or fuzzy all the time now. I don't feel depressed. I turn fifty this year but don't think it is a mid -life crisis. I use to enjoy playing poker, kayaking, pouring beer at brewfest, making my own homebrew beer and having friends over. Now I just don’t care. The thing is I still do all those things but it feels empty but that’s not the rights word for it. I wish I could feel empty at least that would be something.
My desire for sex had decreased and was down to once a month. My doctor put me on Bupropion to help relieve the sexual dysfunction. The Bupropion did seem to help increase my sexual desire. My wife does not like the side effects and has asked me to discontinue its use. I think it has helped me keep focus in school, my grades have never been better.
I am starting to do some very destructive things in my work, marriage and things I use to care about. My wife says that I have check out of the relationship.
Someone mentioned that this could be do to stress but I don't think so. My last job was very stressful, my current job has very little stress and I like going to work. That was over two years ago around when this started. I would hate to think I need stress in my life.
Has anyone found a name or treatment for this?

[newlifeyeah]

Originally Posted by Indie'sOK

Hi there,
I've been meaning to post about this for awhile but have put it off until now. I'm not 100% sure that what I'm experiencing is depression, but I've got a pretty good feeling. For the past few months I've felt worse than I have in a long time. It's like I literally do not care about anything anymore, at least nothing important. At school I almost never turn in anything on time because I cannot bring myself to do it, I just don't care enough. I'm a senior and supposed to be going to college in the fall. I'm going to community college so it shouldn't be too much to handle. It's just that I'm not looking forward to it at all, to the point where I don't even really want to go anymore. Back in middle school I was sure that I wanted to be a psychologist, maybe even get my doctorate. I don't want to do that anymore, though I still maintain an interest in the subject. At the most I want to get my bachelors and maybe do something in writing. But how will I be able to manage that when I'm struggling to even finish high school? It's more than just senioritis because I've felt this way for a long time. I'm very much into natural living and what most people consider the "hippie", bohemian culture. I just want to live off the earth and live with people who feel the same. I don't want to have a fast paced, glamorous career someday. I don't care if I make a lot of money. I just want to relax and enjoy what I do. That seems so far away. I just don't understand why I feel so apathetic. I just don't care anymore. I'm sick to damn death of teachers and everyone bugging me. Why can't they just leave me alone? I feel like sleeping, like that's all I want to do.

I'm sorry if this sounds whiny, that's not what I intended. I just don't know what's going on. I keep telling this stuff to my therapist but its like she doesn't get it, like she ignores it or something. I have an appointment with a psychiatrist in April but that seems so far away.

i can give you one advice, cause I sort of been there, and am still there where you are.
and that important advice is - don't be afraid to be yourself.
and that's it.
just do it.
if you don't feel like taking the usual college-university route, then for gods sake - don't take it!!!
Looking back on my 18 year old self, the most important advice I would give to myself, is to NOT STUDY AT ALL.
travel the world, discover yourself, be free, work, discover what you're into, and once you get it, you might as well start studying it. But until you're not quite sure, don't let noone force you into something that you don't like, or you're not a 100% sure you want to do.
Just trust your instincts, they will tell what's right for you.
And if anyone tries to tell you what's right for you, he/she is wrong.
you feel what's right for you.

I shouldve done that. But now I'm in my 7th year of struggling with BA which I don't even want and don't even care about, cause I tried to do what other people (my parents) expected me to do. instead of just trusting myself and doing it my own way.

Just do it your way, and you'll be fine. trust me!
good luck!

[missminnie]

Even though this isn't exactly relevant, I just want to congratulate you on actually going to a therapist and psychiatrist. That is the biggest step to make when dealing with depression. I understand what you mean and how you are feeling because someone very near and dear to me experiences the same things you do and he does in fact have depression. Just do what makes you happy. Once you learn how to handle your depression, everything else will fall into place, trust me, you'll be okay,

[newlifeyeah]

What I was trying to point out that you shouldn't care that much about the diagnose, but try to solve the actual life problem/crisis.

[Mo2014]

Originally Posted by Indie'sOK

If I do, which I doubt, I think I've got more than just a little bit. I don't understand why everyone seems to belittle what I'm feeling. :/

Hello,
I ran across your post on here and see that it was a few months ago. Just wondering if you're ok and letting you know that I went through the same thing at that time in my life. It's a big time of change and there were so many unknowns. I went on to a junior college plus I worked and actually started having the time of my life. I hope things got better for you as it did take some energy to figure out what to do and get healthy. Plus I did go to the doctor and got some meds and also sought some counseling to help me understand what was going on and how to get through it. Hope you're doing well or even great!

[LadyShadow]

Hello!

Just ran across this post too, as someone has resurrected it.

How are you doing? How are things going? It sounds to me like what I had. I dropped out of high school my senior year and got a GED. School just wasn't for me. I don't have the attention span and I don't have the interest for school.

I'm 33 now, and having worked all my life, I developed skills in math that helped me get good jobs. That's what I will be doing with my life in the future. I turned out pretty okay other than the bipolar so whatever you decide, just do what your heart tells you.