really down

im only a new member here but i really need to write this to get it out of my system and i dont have anyone to talk to. and hopefully some people will be able to help me. im just really down and have been for a long time.i have identified some of the things that are really getting to me. first thing is that i havent seen my doc in 4months and that was even while i was in hospital. i never even heard from him and yet he discharged me while i was at a really bad stage and now im even worse. i really dont know what to do. my dad has phoned 3 of my docs and they didnt reply and that was 3 weeks ago. so hes pretty annoyed at this stage. so he tried to set me up with a local doc but we havent heard from him either. so iv got no docs to talk to but i guess it would make no difference because none of them listen or care anyway and also i was set to go on CBT but when i went to see the therapist she said i was too depressed to go on with it and to wait untill i got better to go back to her. another thing getting to me are the voices that i have been hearing for the past few years. they are getting a lot worse lately. and the seeing things has definitely gotten a lot worse. im just really sick of all this. i have no energy, i cant sleep, i havent spoken to anyone other than my brother in about 4 months and i cant talk to him about this kinda stuff coz i think it would really upset him and hes just too young. i havent really done anything the past 4 months other than lye in bed. the only thing i have done is go on this site which i guess is something.
i just found out that i will be seeing my doc on the 24th. bt i think thats too long to wait. i dont know if i can wait that long. i just dont know what to do. i would love if somebody could give me some advice on how to cope with this. i would really appreciate it. sorry for the long post.

eoghan

wow thats different here they recommend Cognative Behavioral Therapy (CBT) techniques for depression no matter how depressed a person is. in fact I was in a depression management class where we used the book Mind over Mood which has Cognative Behavioural Therapy techniques in it. Here the more depressed a person is the more they want clients to focus on changing their behavior patterns to help the depression instead of making it worse by doing nothing. like keeping track of how you feel and exercise and good eating habits, postitive thinking and thought records and so on.

Hang in there and welcome to psych central.

(((( eoghan ))))

take it day by day work on something new each day like something simple like today i will shower or today i will go to the store stuff like that works for me sometimes i have to force myself but it helps me

Arod has a good suggestion: one day at a time. The reason the T might have backed off on the CBT right now is because it is hard work, and requires you to look at what you are doing wrong and correcting it. If you are so depressed you are not doing any self care to speak of, you don't need more work to do. Also, you already feel worthless, so any focus on what you are doing "wrong" is NOT very helpful, imo.

SO what you can do that is just right is to do one more thing each day... at least one thing. You won't feel like it. That's ok... you must make yourself do one more thing each day, ok? Don't think about why bother or any of that, we all know the process we go through when in such darkness.

KNOW that we care about you here. Many members have been where you are now, and with help, came out of it. Things you need to put on your list of eventually getting to: eating each day, dressing each day, getting outside a few minutes each day. Just the basics, ok?

Try not to worry about it ... but do what you can, ok? Things will get better for you. Good to hear your dad is helping.

thanks arod13 for the advice. ill defo try do something simple tomorow. and maybe more the next day. ill be sure to take it slow.

that makes a lot of sense _Sky. thanks for the reply. have you got any suggestions on what i should do about the whole doc thing? sorry for hassling you. should i just try wait for the 24th or shud i ask for an earlier app? because im not sure if i can wait that long.
ill try and eat something tomorow. i think thats whats really getting my dad worried.

thanks everyone.

(((hugs))) You can ALWAYS call the doc and ask for an earlier appt. Maybe have them put you on a list to call in case they have a cancellation? Can you get there within a short time? T's don't mind patients who are eager to heal

(((((((eoghan)))))) i just wanted to say im so sorry some of the docs have let you down. We are here to listen whenever u feel the need to talk.. know you'll get a caring response here.

eoghan your welcome!

wow, now im even worse. i didnt think it was possible but i am. i was just informed of a post on another forum site based in ireland. its the biggest one in ireland. the post was by a friend who is from this moment on not a friend. he was asking other people on the site if there is a program that runs in the background on your comp so that noone knows if its on or not that would block me from going on certain sites. the post stated that i had a porblem with goin on suicide sites (which by that he means sites like this, which just shows that he doesnt understand what im going through coz all this site is doing is trying to help me) and that i was going on porn sites which i havnt done. so he obviously went through my history today (behind my back) while he was over and found out that i was on this site and hes just plain making up the whole thing about the porn sites. im worried now what he may have on my comp already im really paranoid now. he could have anything on it like a keylogger or something like dat. im also worried that when i tell him i dont want to be friends with him anymore that hell tell my parents that i have been going on suicide site which would most likely mean that they would take away the internet form me. what should i do? i know that im going to tell him that im not going to be friends with him anymore but should i talk to my parents after that and tell them about how this site aims to help people and how much it has helped me already? i, yet again, dont know what to do. my head is all over the place. i cant think straight anymore

(((((((eoghan))))))))))) Im so sorry

<font color="green">If you have windows as an os then put a password on your computer now and limit access to those who you trust only. </font>

I wouldn't tell him directly that you're no longer friends, just avoid him and give various excuses for a bit and this will delay his final acting out against you.

I'm sorry you feel betrayed

If you're that concerned, you may need to at least wipe the harddrive?

thanks for your reply Sky. i think i will clear the harddisk. just to be sure. and ill try my best to avoid him aswell. i was just talking to my dad and he rang the doc in the hospital on friday so my appointment could be earlier if there is a cancelation.

yes i do have windows as an OS. i already have a password on the comp but the thing is is that i used to trust the guy. big mistake it seems. i have trusted hardly anyone my entire life and now my trust has been broken i guess ill just have to learn from these mistakes.

I'm hopeful you can get in to see your doc earlier. If you show your dad this site, he might not be concerned about your being on it. It is a helpful site with people who care.--Suzy

((((((((( eoghan )))))))))