This is my first time posting in the Depression forum. I feel so lost lately. I spend my days not sure what step to take next. I am on medication and see a T. Sometimes I actually feel like the depression is lifting. Other times, I feel helpless and can't imagine how and when the depression will lift.

I hate feeling like this. I feel so strange, like no one (my husband mainly) understands how much pain I'm in. It's worse when I'm alone and unengaged with a productive activity or other people. Why do I not do more of this? Sometimes I just plain don't want to, or don't feel it will help. So I stay home for the most part and just pray (figuratively speaking) it will get better (I know that doesn't sound like the best solution.) It's just getting from here to there.

I have a lump in my throat so often but only last had a good cry with my therapist when he nailed everything on the head about how I feel. He suggested I write down my thoughts and do cognitive challenges to them. I think I will do that again right now. I know many of my negative thoughts are not true (e.g., I'm a loser, this will never get better so why even try, etc.)

Somehow I make it from day to day. The days just keep on rolling and I manage to stay alive. My life just seems so bleak, confusing and empty though. Yes, depression. I've been through this before, and can do it again! Finally, writing this all out has gotten me to a positive thought. Go figure!

[Samanthagreene]

I'm glad writing has had a positive affect on you! I can understand what you're going through a bit, about not wanted to do anything, and thinking no one understands what you're going through.

[Rohag]

Hello, Newgal2. Glad you feel a little better.

Originally Posted by newgal2

Sometimes I actually feel like the depression is lifting. Other times, I feel helpless and can't imagine how and when the depression will lift.

Have you or you and your T working together been able to discern any pattern in your moods?

[gayleggg]

Welcome to PC. Glad you found us. I, totally, get where are coming from. I'm losing hope myself, but being here helps. Hope you feel better soon.

[Bugeaud]

Depression is always a tough deal. But if you try to surround yourself with positive people, then you will become more positive yourself. At least that's what I believe. I've been in a spot where everyday, I seriously think about suicide. One day I was crying on the bathroom floor, asking god to end my suffering. But someone in the world, can always make you feel better, if you try. I know you probably hate to hear this, I always hate to hear this. But if you don't try to change you life, you'll be in the same place down the road. So I would just say do something. Doing something is almost always better than nothing.

i can't answer when it will end i don't know that.

but i will say this

nothing ever lasts forever... it will end

Originally Posted by Bugeaud

Depression is always a tough deal. But if you try to surround yourself with positive people, then you will become more positive yourself. At least that's what I believe. I've been in a spot where everyday, I seriously think about suicide. One day I was crying on the bathroom floor, asking god to end my suffering. But someone in the world, can always make you feel better, if you try. I know you probably hate to hear this, I always hate to hear this. But if you don't try to change you life, you'll be in the same place down the road. So I would just say do something. Doing something is almost always better than nothing.

I agree that surrounding myself with positive people makes me feel better. Fortunately, I don't let negative people in my life. I just need more people in it!

Originally Posted by Rohag

Hello, Newgal2. Glad you feel a little better.

Have you or you and your T working together been able to discern any pattern in your moods?

It is usually when I'm active and feel productive that my mood lifts. The problem is there's only so much time in one day to be productive. Plus, my depression prevents me from taking the steps to be productive sometimes (e.g., just cleaning the house or running and errand).

surrounding myself with positive people never works for me.

i always get too envious of how well they are living their lives- and end up feeling more depressed