I feel invisible

Charl S · Oct 23, 2013, 03:20 AM

I feel invisible, like a part of the furniture. Just another number you employ to do the work. I have no feelings, I feel no fear. I feel like I'm not even here. You've never asked me how I am doing. You clearly don't care. If I die right here would you even notice?

Oct 23, 2013, 04:23 AM

i kind of know what you mean.

i feel like that too at times, especially when i try to explain my feelings to people and they just walk on by and ignore me.

i'm thinking to myself.. well can i even be heard?. am i even here?

hugs

IndieVisible · Oct 23, 2013, 04:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Charl S

I feel invisible, like a part of the furniture. Just another number you employ to do the work. I have no feelings, I feel no fear. I feel like I'm not even here. You've never asked me how I am doing. You clearly don't care. If I die right here would you even notice?

Nice to meet you.

medicalfox · Oct 23, 2013, 04:36 AM

I feel like that too in the winter and it's so hard to see past it. Do you have a friend you could spend some time with? You probably don't feel like it, but it could help just by going out and doing something.

Charl S · Oct 23, 2013, 04:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by medicalfox

I feel like that too in the winter and it's so hard to see past it. Do you have a friend you could spend some time with? You probably don't feel like it, but it could help just by going out and doing something.

I spend time with friends whenever I get a chance, but the bulk of my day is spent at work, and that is where I feel like this. I'm so tired of pretending I'm ok, like I'm a person with no moods or feelings. Everyone is so fake around here.

IndieVisible · Oct 23, 2013, 04:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Charl S

I spend time with friends whenever I get a chance, but the bulk of my day is spent at work, and that is where I feel like this. I'm so tired of pretending I'm ok, like I'm a person with no moods or feelings. Everyone is so fake around here.

Do you find your moods ever change or is it always flat like this? Are there ever any breaks to a baseline or normality or any ups at all?

medicalfox · Oct 23, 2013, 04:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Charl S

I spend time with friends whenever I get a chance, but the bulk of my day is spent at work, and that is where I feel like this. I'm so tired of pretending I'm ok, like I'm a person with no moods or feelings. Everyone is so fake around here.

Sounds like you need to work less hours or get a different job. Your priority is your health and you should at least request a couple days off if your work is making you unwell. I hope you feel better

Charl S · Oct 23, 2013, 04:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by IndieVisible

Do you find your moods ever change or is it always flat like this? Are there ever any breaks to a baseline or normality or any ups at all?

When I'm at work it ranges from depressed to agitated, but I never feel normal. I was recently hospitalized for major depression, but I also have bipolar.

I am looking for another job as it causes big problems trying to take time off for sick leave. I feel like I'm being bullied by my boss. I'm just holding thumbs I get something better soon so that I can get out of here. I keep telling myself I am only here temporarily so I just have to hang in there. But every day still sucks.

IndieVisible · Oct 23, 2013, 05:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Charl S

When I'm at work it ranges from depressed to agitated, but I never feel normal. I was recently hospitalized for major depression, but I also have bipolar.

I am looking for another job as it causes big problems trying to take time off for sick leave. I feel like I'm being bullied by my boss. I'm just holding thumbs I get something better soon so that I can get out of here. I keep telling myself I am only here temporarily so I just have to hang in there. But every day still sucks.

How long have you been like this? I was pretty much the same as in back in 1987 then after 2 or 3 hospitalizations actually reached a baseline which was really nice and good for me. I find my episodes can recur ever 2 to 3 years tho. That's why I asked. Because now after many years I can remind myself that eventually things will get better even if for a little bit.

Charl S · Oct 23, 2013, 05:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by IndieVisible

How long have you been like this? I was pretty much the same as in back in 1987 then after 2 or 3 hospitalizations actually reached a baseline which was really nice and good for me. I find my episodes can recur ever 2 to 3 years tho. That's why I asked. Because now after many years I can remind myself that eventually things will get better even if for a little bit.

I've been hospitalized 3 times since 2007, but was hit hard by depression this time round. There is always a lingering depression. Last year I felt my best ever, thinking back I was probably hypomanic. I went out partying quite alot.

I do try to keep positive, to remind myself that things will get better, but I think it's a skill I still need to practice quite a bit.

IndieVisible · Oct 23, 2013, 05:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Charl S

I've been hospitalized 3 times since 2007, but was hit hard by depression this time round. There is always a lingering depression. Last year I felt my best ever, thinking back I was probably hypomanic. I went out partying quite alot.

I do try to keep positive, to remind myself that things will get better, but I think it's a skill I still need to practice quite a bit.

Ok, see things are not always dark. I try to remember that when I am in my darkest moments. I'm 58 years old, your prolly much younger and not aware of any patterns yet. The important thing is to get help when you need it. Good luck to you!

Oct 23, 2013, 08:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Charl S

I feel invisible, like a part of the furniture. Just another number you employ to do the work. I have no feelings, I feel no fear. I feel like I'm not even here. You've never asked me how I am doing. You clearly don't care. If I die right here would you even notice?

**WAVES. I see you.

You say you feel invisible, and then you say you have no feelings. Yes you do have feelings. And they are hurt deeply. Sorry to hear it - sounds like your pain is very, very deep. **hugs to you.

You are not a number, you matter. You are a child of Gods, you are prince!!

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