[dtcoyle]

I have a family member who is an alcoholic living with me in my STUDIO apartment right now. This person is already starting to relaps (part of the deal, though not directly confirmed) was that this person was only staying until they got on their feet and that they wouldn't drink while staying at my place. I've made this person clear on my position about alcohol, I'm a recovering alcoholic myself. This person works construction at his friends company who is also an alcoholic and not the greatest influence. If the weather is poor... forget about it, they don't work... they party. At the current rate, this relative will never earn enough money to get on their feet, and whats even worse is that winter is almost here and I feel absolutely certain that this person will come right back to my doorstep. I'm depressed/anxious as hell over this and I'm not sure what to do, it seems like a bad deal with any choice I make.

Does anyone have experience with this? I'd appreciate the help.

[(JD)]

Yes, you seem to have opened your home with good intentions and this person is taking advantage of you. What makes you responsible for them? Don't wait, remind the guest of your rules. You are the master there, and can change the rules as you wish too! Don't give them another day of rule breaking, you can't afford that, imo.

If they don't agree, then have them leave in the morning (they will only find another person to freeload upon.) Remind them that they can't come back, even with a promise because they didn't keep it this time. Urge them to get help with their problem, but wipe the dust off your feet on this one. Take care of you... I'm sure it was hard work for you to get where you are, don't allow someone to risk your health.

Be sure to take care of yourself in this situation. You need to know that you matter and sometimes you can't safe other people.

[lgreen1951]

Just remember one thing: Nothing or no one is worth risking your sobreity for, I am a recovered alcoholic/addict and that is the best advice I can give, do not let them ruin it for you.

Hang in there

[dtcoyle]

Thanks everyone. I actually took a stand last night... shortly after leaving the message. This person showed up last night just freaking ineabriated. I was firm and wouldn't let them passed my doorstep, I threatend to call the police if I had too. He tried to talk his way in and kept trying to walk in. I was getting upset, to the point that my voice was becoming shakey and uneven, face was getting hot, adrenaline surging. I was pretty sure that violence was about to happen, this person has a very violent history, fortunately nothing like that happened. I feel good, but unfortunatly it's not over. I havn't gone home from work yet and havn't confronted the person since last night. Man I hate this crap... as if life wasn't hard enough.

Anyways, thanks for the advice guys. It is sound advice, you all are right. I've been dealing with this persons problems all my life and I'm sick of it. I'm having a hard enough time keeping myself together, I can't afford this persons problems... even if he ends up on the street... man I hate saying that.