Don't Know what to do

Everything is wrong with my life. I have no friends, I can't make no friends. I hate the group of people I am stuck with, they have nothing to do with me. But it is being with them or being alone. Many times I chose to be alone, but them I feel bad about myself. I try to get new friends, but I am trying for years. I can't make a new friend since I was 11, it's been 10 years since then. I just can't, I tried so hard but I am not fun. I am very shy, I am very anxyous, I am allways tired... I have nothing to say most of the time and when I do have no one wants to listen to it. I am just bad with people, I have no one but my family, but sometimes they can't understand me. They can't see how sad and lost I am. And they blame me about that, but I can't change I tried to change so many times. I haven't the strenght that is needed to change.
I have no flame, no will, no power inside me. I am just that person who feels worried most of the time and barrely can enjoy life.
The problem is that I am at medical school, one of the top ten students of my year, but i just hate it. Every step I take is like a hell to me, I have no friends there. I am stucked with a group of weird guys (I am a girl) and their not really my friends, they are not even the kind of people I like. But there isn't anyone else who can accept me. The other people in my class have a very restrict group, and I can't get inside it. As I wouldn't get inside any other group of people. I hate studying, I hate the classes. I used to enjoy mat, but it is to late to change to anything else, and I know I wouldn't fit anyway. I have done so much effort to get where I did. And I keep saying to myself I am a smart girl that is just sick, but it is getting hard to believe in that, and probably I will never get better.
Med school is getting harder for me, now that evaluations are becoming pratical, and I can't make teachers like me as the others can't. I look stupid in front of them. But I think I would be unhappy any where else I would be. I just do what I have done all my life, keep going on, but sometimes it is so hard.
Sorry about my writting, I am not a native speaker.

Hi Mulan,
Why do you say it is too late to change?

Hey Mulan-So sorry to hear that you're struggling!! When I feel that low, there's only 2 things that work-med change and sleep! Feel free to message me if you need someone to talk too! Hang in there!!

It's too late. I could study something else after finish med school, but I have done more than half of it, with grades that the most envy, as a matter of speek. I just can't leave all my effort behind. Besides I am lost, I don't like anything, I don't like to study, I hate evaluations, they make me so nervous. I know I would not like any career. When it came the time to choose something to study on the university I couldn't choose anything on my own. And I would still not be able to choose something. And if I have trouble relating with people with my age how would it be to make friends with people four years younger than me. They would look like kids to me. My fate is to be lonly all my life. All my life I waited for the "thing" that would change it. And when I choose medical school the things seemed to finale being on tracks, but they weren't. I though I would get better, but I learned that I am a lost case. I really am.

Thank you all. But I think there's nothing that would make me feel better right now.

Hi Mulan,
Long time ago I went to Brazil with a group of people. In the group there was this girl that looked very unhappy. Her sister had been in high school with me. I did not understand her unhappiness, she was healthy and seemed beautiful to me; apparently the whole family was good one. At that time, she was studying to be an engineer. Years later I met her sister and told me this girl had finished her engineer studies and that after a few years she entered again the university to study education. She is now a teacher in pre-school. The salary is much lower than for an engineer but she is much happier. I asked the sister why she did not switch careers before. She told me it was because of their father. The girl felt she had to finish the engineer studies to please him. Now, after all the struggle, the girl thinks she should have been stronger and confronted her dad. But she could not do it. She had to wait to be more independent, having pleased her father first, and then do her own stuff.
At the time we went to Brazil, she was very unhappy and I bet she had similar thoughts like you. But later she found the way. I do not want to calm you down at all, but please, notice, you are not alone in this. There are people around the world suffering similar stuff. The way studies are organized, and our family influence often are not the best for us. But there are ways to correct this, nothing is forever. Please keep posting and reading other people experiences. Also here you will find people to chat with. I wish you the best

With the grades that you get in med school you could do or be anything you want. I am 50 and in my last 2 semesters of grad school. I couldn't figure out what I wanted to do until 3 years ago. Hang in there you are stronger than you think!

I just wish there was someway I could change the way I am. I know there are some people in my situation who prefered to be studying something else. But my sister is allways saying that you learn to like this profession. And I guess it is somehow true. There are so many people that choose this career just because they have good grades in high school, and even if they are into something else, they learn to like beeing here. I think I am in a position I woudn't like anything. Why moving to something different, starting again, if you would be unhappy anyway. If you would feel you don't like anything you study.
Other people allways seem to have goals in their life, to want something and to like something. Everyone as an ideia of what speciality they want to get after they finish med school. I don't, and the way I am, I will never know. I just don't have a porpuse in my life, the only thing I hope in my life is that the next step goes by quickly. When something start I do what it is needed for it to end, and I don't enjoy the between and maybe I should.
My life is terrible, sometimes I wonder if it is real, but I forget everything so fast, like I have never lived. I wonder if I am alive. I don't know. Sorry for bother you about my stuff. It is all very confusing to me, I don't know what opinion to take about life, about people. I guess the only thing that helps with me is sleeping and watching series. Because when I do that I forget my problems quicker. I almost have no problems when I do that, but I also have no responsabilities and no goals to achieve. If I could I would keep my life this way rather than doing something. But I have constantly to move on. The only thing that is going in my life is the study, when summer vacations come I spend my days literaly doing nothing. But my mother teached to allways be the best at school, when I am I have some hapyness, when I am not I feel the dumbest person on earth. So dispite I am allways tired I do my best to be the best. My memory is the worst, I can't think straight, I never like anything I study, but I push myself even I can't focus or spent as much time as the others doing this. Grades are the only thing I have and everytime I have some test I feel the weight of the world on my shoulders I feel like I will fail. My life is full of stress that no one else understand. I sometimes think the best for me is to run away from the life I have, grab a bag with my clothes and go away. But I know I would end up starving because I would not have the energy to keep a job and having I job means interact with people wich gives a lot of stress. I just know I have no way out. I even don't know if went to be an engineer I would have the brains to be smart and solve the problems. In med school you just have to memorize things (hate it) but I doubt if I am still smart enough to go through something that need you to think. I should have done something early, but I just can act when life forces me to do otherway I let things go...I'm weak.

Hi.
People make career changes all the time.. and not just once.
It's exhausting to have to keep doing something difficult for an extended period. It really wears you down, so don't feel badly about that.

Is it possible for you to take a break? There is nothing wrong with taking some time for yourself to think. School will still be there when you get back.
And don't let other people pressure you, they have no right to, really.