FRUSTRATED!!!

I'm starting to be open about my clinical depression (pre dx. bipolar) with friends and family because I want all the moral support that I can get. I get delusional and question everything I do and say so I want friends and family to bring me back to reality when this happens.

But everytime I tell them this they keep telling me that they don't believe I'm bipolar nor suffer from depression.

My sister said that I just need to refocus my life and get a new direction after I told her that I took classes and decided to drop them halfway through because I didn't find the motivation to go anymore. I love school. How can someone who loves school so much decided to just drop-out for no reason?!?

My friend, J, told me that these feelings are normal. Seriously??? Feeling like going crazy, crying for no reason, apathy nearly everyday for no apparent reason for 2 years is normal?!?!?

Then... my friend, T, who told me to be wary of pdoc and medication. She preached to me about religion how it bans SI. Hmm... hello.... how can you tell me the devil put these thoughts in my head?!?!? You can't control depression. If there's a way... don't you think I'll be the first in line?!?!

Why am I fighting to convince them that I have depression?? Why is it too much to ask for moral support having admittedly saying that... yes, I am suicidal or that I'm not as perfect as you think??? It wasn't easy for me to "come out".

I feel so alienated and isolated now more than ever. I'm angry... so very angry that friends and family are being judgmental... that they think I am incapable to know the difference between what's normal and not!!!

Do they honestly think that I went to a pdoc because I have the blues for the first time in my life?!? Seriously?!? Knowing me, who they always commend for having high intelligence, wise, and logical, suddenly I'm being conned by a psychiatrist???

I'm so tired of explaining to people and argue with them. In my condition... I want and need support from the people who are close to me but instead I'm getting angry comments, funny looks, and getting into arguments.
Do you argue with someone who tells you that you have AIDS or cancer or high cholesterol???

I know how depression feels and it sucks; the difference between depression and just "feeling down". I don't want to be depressed. If I can be hypomanic everyday... I would. In fact, I asked my pdoc to prescribe me anti-depressant just so. (of course, being a good doc that he is... he advised against it. How is it that I find a great pdoc on first try?!?)
What do I have to do or say to convince these people?? Don't they know that symptoms of depression include the feeling that they are inadequate, hopeless, pessimistic, feeling of lack of support, and overburdening family and friends. Don't they know that these feelings and thoughts lead a depressed ppl into a SI mode?? How is their reaction help me from preventing my symptoms to appear and drive me off the edge?!??

Ok... phew... still complaining just too tired to write them down.

(((((((Bleufacez)))))))

You have every right to be frustrated. I'm frustrated with people and trying to get them to understand me and my situation as well. Sometimes it just won't happen, even if its really wanted.

I don't know what to say to support you except I do understand. Hopefully you can get some of them (or they learn) to understand and be supportive.

*hug* Take care of yourself

It doesn't make life easy, does it? Where support and understanding would be appreciated - and particularly from family and/or friends, it is disappointing when these are not forthcoming.

I don't know what to advise except that say that you are going about it the right way. You are seeing someone, who seems to be a good therapist and you are working on yourself. Just a shame about the reaction of those close to you. Try to hang in there.

Sometimes family members are not the ones to look to for support & understanding. In my case, my father was "there is no such thing as mental illness." He thought depression was being lazy, self-centered, spoiled & manipulative.

Mind you, my mother (his wife) had a dx of bp, was in & out of mental institutions, had ECT & every medication known at that time, & committed suicide & he still thinks it is all a crock!

Needless to say, when I was dx w/ bp he wasn't someone I would approach for support. I had to distance myself from him while I was trying to heal. I was in a bad depression & knew he would discount it & tell me to "get off my *** & be productive."

I have found support through NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness--I think that is their new politically correct name) & DBSA (Depression & Bipolar Support Alliance). Maybe check into groups in your area. Wishing you well.--Suzy

one of the greatest problems with "mental illness" is the lack of understanding and the amount of mis-representation by/to the general public... I guess because it has no obvious physical signs as such (such as a cast for a broken leg, or a wheel chair for a paralised person) people find it difficult to accept... and then most people mis-understand it also... a bad combination in all

Iwish I could think of something more supportive/useful/advice wise to say... but afraid I can't... have you discused these feeling and the situration with your pdoc? maybe they could think of a way for you to explain to your friends/family or something?