[neutrino]

There's a lot I'd like to write but I don't really know how to describe what I'm feeling and I don't want to bother anyone. I just need to vent a little bit though: I'm depressed and anxious. I haven't seen my therapist in more than three weeks and he's not back from his vacation until the beginning of December. My GAD's been bothering me since I woke up this morning. Oh and my OCD is bombarding me with intrusive thoughts about why I'm posting this and it makes me even lower and even more anxious. The worst thing about the intrusive thoughts is that I know they're caused by my OCD but I still believe them (though deep down I know they're not "my" thoughts). I know they're irrational but still I can't seem to stop doubting. It's a bit of a paradox. The paradox and vicious circle from hell.

I'm not doing that well. I'm scared of failing. I'm scared of everything.

I'm not sure what kind of response I'm looking for. I don't know what I'm expecting. I just know that I needed to let someone know I'm struggling tonight. I hope I'm not too much of a burden by writing this.

I hope you're all doing well,

neutrino

[Daeva]

I'm sorry I just got on this morning, I hope you made it through the night and got to be able to sleep. I'm here for you if you ever need anyone, you're not alone. I can relate with your OCD and GAD. I'm sorry your T's been gone for so long, you're stronger then I am, I'd never be able to last that long.

[neutrino]

Originally Posted by Daeva

I'm sorry I just got on this morning, I hope you made it through the night and got to be able to sleep. I'm here for you if you ever need anyone, you're not alone. I can relate with your OCD and GAD. I'm sorry your T's been gone for so long, you're stronger then I am, I'd never be able to last that long.

I wrote the post about an hour ago. It's only 5:55pm over here at the moment so the day is far from over.

Thanks by the way. Even though you say I'm not alone I feel very lonely. And yeah, I hate that my therapist has been gone for so long (even though therapy isn't really working for me at the moment I can't do this alone). Not sure what to do.

[Daeva]

Originally Posted by neutrino

I wrote the post about an hour ago. It's only 5:55pm over here at the moment so the day is far from over.

Thanks by the way. Even though you say I'm not alone I feel very lonely. And yeah, I hate that my therapist has been gone for so long (even though therapy isn't really working for me at the moment I can't do this alone). Not sure what to do.

Whoops sorry! It's 12 pm over here.

I wish I could be there with you, but I am there in spirit, why do you think therapy isn't working?

[NWgirl2013]

Hi~ I know how you feel. I am kinda there myself. okay, not kinda. I'm on a new Rx that is making it worse. So, ... maybe we can play some games later, I'll liik for you. That helps pass the time at least, gets us out of our own head for a bit?
Hope today is better for you...

[neutrino]

Originally Posted by Daeva

Whoops sorry! It's 12 pm over here.

I wish I could be there with you, but I am there in spirit, why do you think therapy isn't working?

Thanks.

I'm not sure why therapy isn't working. I think we're not really understanding each other. Anyway, before he left for his vacation I asked him if it would be ok for me to send him an email about things I think we need to discuss about therapy. He said that it was ok. Sent him the email (I wrote what I felt about certain things he said and things that has bothered me and things that confuse me etc) and he replied and said it's good that I express my view on things and that we'll talk about it when he gets back. I hope we can sort things out so that we can actually make some sort of progress because right now I feel just as bad as before I started therapy.

What do you do on days like this when you can't talk to anyone but you're feeling incredibly low and anxious?

[Daeva]

Therapy often gets worse before it gets better, so as long as you two can work that all out you're on the right track, It's very important to find a T you feel comfortable with and fit well with. However it does take time (I don't know how long you've been seeing your T) for that relatonship to build, don't give up yet!

Me? I usually try to distract myself by reading, listening to music, I write poetry, sometimes short stories. Or I take my pastels and draw something violent or draw my feelings, even if it's just a smudge of many different colors. Sometimes I sleep, take a bath, walk. Let myself cry and sit with my feelings, exploring them. Clean. I reach out to others that need support and focus on their problems so I don't have to focus on mine.

[neutrino]

Originally Posted by Daeva

Therapy often gets worse before it gets better, so as long as you two can work that all out you're on the right track, It's very important to find a T you feel comfortable with and fit well with. However it does take time (I don't know how long you've been seeing your T) for that relatonship to build, don't give up yet!

I've seen my therapist for three months and a bit. I know that's not very long but I leave pretty much every session feeling very frustrated. Things aren't working. Sometimes I think that's my own fault. Perhaps the fact that I didn't seek help earlier in life (I started feeling like this 10 years ago though it's worse now) has made me treatment resistant or something. Anyway, I hope that the email I sent him will make him understand how I experience our sessions and that we can work on things. I hope he doesn't get angry or something.

Originally Posted by Daeva

Me? I usually try to distract myself by reading, listening to music, I write poetry, sometimes short stories. Or I take my pastels and draw something violent or draw my feelings, even if it's just a smudge of many different colors. Sometimes I sleep, take a bath, walk. Let myself cry and sit with my feelings, exploring them. Clean. I reach out to others that need support and focus on their problems so I don't have to focus on mine.

Reaching out to others who need support (like me) is a noble thing to do. Thank you for that. I'm not good at that. I get completely stuck in my own emotions and my own thoughts. On day like this, when I'm feeling the way I do right now, I can't focus on anything. All I can do is sit here, listen to music and let my thoughts and emotions consume me. I know that doesn't sound healthy but I have no coping mechanisms for this. I've spent an awful lot of time trying to distract myself lately but it's not working now. And as I write this my OCD is telling me a lot of things (there's not actually a voice telling me things, but I guess you know what I mean) and making me think this post is all a lie.

Sorry for complaining.

[bird_lover]

hi, neutrino. i have read your first post and then your replies. has your therapist come back yet? have you been able to see him again? i have had bad experiences with therapists and have given up for many years. but now i am being forced to face my issues head-on and see a therapist yet again. if things are not working, maybe you should see a new one??? or is it difficult to see therapists in sweden? i am getting severely depressed. my past issues are coming up into my present life.

You should NEVER apologize for complaining on here! People understand what you are going through. A lot of us have been there ourselves. Unfortunately. Things will get better, hang in there. Sometimes they get worse before they get better, but they will get better.

[Daeva]

Originally Posted by neutrino

I've seen my therapist for three months and a bit. I know that's not very long but I leave pretty much every session feeling very frustrated. Things aren't working. Sometimes I think that's my own fault. Perhaps the fact that I didn't seek help earlier in life (I started feeling like this 10 years ago though it's worse now) has made me treatment resistant or something. Anyway, I hope that the email I sent him will make him understand how I experience our sessions and that we can work on things. I hope he doesn't get angry or something.


Reaching out to others who need support (like me) is a noble thing to do. Thank you for that. I'm not good at that. I get completely stuck in my own emotions and my own thoughts. On day like this, when I'm feeling the way I do right now, I can't focus on anything. All I can do is sit here, listen to music and let my thoughts and emotions consume me. I know that doesn't sound healthy but I have no coping mechanisms for this. I've spent an awful lot of time trying to distract myself lately but it's not working now. And as I write this my OCD is telling me a lot of things (there's not actually a voice telling me things, but I guess you know what I mean) and making me think this post is all a lie.

Sorry for complaining.

You aren't complaining! You're stating how you feel, I appreciate your honesty. Three months isn't that long, however if you feel like your treatment isn't going well, go with your gut and find another T! No matter how long it's been you can be helped. It's been about 9 years of these issues with me and I am progressing great after finding the T i have now (She's my 3rd one) It does take time to build the relationship and only then can you really get into the stuff needed to help you.

I wish I had an answer for you, all I can say is I've been there, I've been so depressed I have felt what you are feeling and I have to admit I did the same thing as you.

[neutrino]

Originally Posted by bird_lover

hi, neutrino. i have read your first post and then your replies. has your therapist come back yet? have you been able to see him again? i have had bad experiences with therapists and have given up for many years. but now i am being forced to face my issues head-on and see a therapist yet again. if things are not working, maybe you should see a new one??? or is it difficult to see therapists in sweden? i am getting severely depressed. my past issues are coming up into my present life.

You should NEVER apologize for complaining on here! People understand what you are going through. A lot of us have been there ourselves. Unfortunately. Things will get better, hang in there. Sometimes they get worse before they get better, but they will get better.

Hi. No, my therapist won't be back until the beginning of December. Not sure when I'll see him. I've been thinking about seeing another therapist for a while but I first want to see if we can work things out now that I've told him exactly what I think about our sessions. Perhaps we can talk about it and sort things out. If that doesn't work then I should probably look for another therapist.

I'm good at apologizing. Thanks for reading my posts. It means a lot to me that someone cares.

Originally Posted by Daeva

You aren't complaining! You're stating how you feel, I appreciate your honesty. Three months isn't that long, however if you feel like your treatment isn't going well, go with your gut and find another T! No matter how long it's been you can be helped. It's been about 9 years of these issues with me and I am progressing great after finding the T i have now (She's my 3rd one) It does take time to build the relationship and only then can you really get into the stuff needed to help you.

I wish I had an answer for you, all I can say is I've been there, I've been so depressed I have felt what you are feeling and I have to admit I did the same thing as you.

May I ask how long you've seen your current therapist? Do you feel like you're doing a lot better nowadays?

Thanks for writing by the way.

[gayleggg]

Hi, Neutrino. Just wanted to check on you this morning(it's 6:18am here) and see if you were feeling any better today. Hope you were able to get some sleep. Wishing you the best

[neutrino]

Originally Posted by gayleggg

Hi, Neutrino. Just wanted to check on you this morning(it's 6:18am here) and see if you were feeling any better today. Hope you were able to get some sleep. Wishing you the best

Hi,

Thanks for checking on me! That's very nice of you.

I woke up feeling rather miserable this morning (it's 1:30pm over here right now) but right in this moment I'm doing a little better due to distracting myself with some biochemistry assignments. My mood can change in an instant though. One little trigger (for example not being able to focus which leads to me being really worried about failing my upcoming exam) can make me incredibly anxious and/or depressed (more than usual that is) very quickly and once I'm stuck in those thoughts I can't get "unstuck". Do you know what I mean? Is that what it's like for you/other people with anxiety and/or depression as well?

Anyway, long answer to a short question. Thanks again for asking. I appreciate it.