[SheHulk07]

I'm so on edge lately, the suicidal thoughts and urges are daily. I can control them until I'm so anxious and overwhelmed that I want to escape. Right now I'm feeling the later. I have surgery coming up next Friday, and was told today that I have to have an infusion on Monday and Tuesday. I understand that it's because they don't want me to risk bleeding from the surgery, but I seriously get so ill from the infusion. End up in the ER with severe migraines, vomiting, nausea. The thought of doing the infusion again really bothers me. I would rather be dead than deal with this on top of surgery the same week. I don't know whatelse do.

[SheHulk07]

And now we've received a denial letter for renter's assistance, and we're really behind on rent. I can't take any more.

[Chloepatra]

So sorry to hear that you are facing both difficult medical treatments and now monetary issues, too...

Can you have someone else at home worry about the rent issue as you face and get through your medical situation?

About your surgery... you say you have been through 'the infusions' before... and you survived even though you had such difficult side effects ...can you focus on having gotten through those side effects before? Also, is it a surgery that you expect will make your life better once passed? If so, can you also focus on that???

Sending caring thoughts to you~ hug
Chloe

[SheHulk07]

Originally Posted by Chloepatra

So sorry to hear that you are facing both difficult medical treatments and now monetary issues, too...

Can you have someone else at home worry about the rent issue as you face and get through your medical situation?

About your surgery... you say you have been through 'the infusions' before... and you survived even though you had such difficult side effects ...can you focus on having gotten through those side effects before? Also, is it a surgery that you expect will make your life better once passed? If so, can you also focus on that???

Sending caring thoughts to you~ hug
Chloe

I have been the infusions before. I was banking on my last one on Halloween was my last one, and now this is dropped on me after I've been fighting against it. I do get through the side effects, but I'm sick for a while with the symptoms and the headaches can last weeks from it. I really feel like it's going to make my recovery with the surgery worse because my body is already going to be fighting the infusion.

[Chloepatra]

I understand...

Wishing better days ahead for you ~
Chloe

[SheHulk07]

The only other one in my house that could deal with the rent situation is my husband, and he is going to have to deal with it because I'll be at the doctors from 9-5 for two days and sick as heck.

It's too much stress one right after another. My urges and actions have gotten worse over the past few weeks, and I think even my T's don't know what else to do with me other than offer hospitalization but we haven't truly discussed it as a plan.

[kittlies]

Originally Posted by AmyFed07

The only other one in my house that could deal with the rent situation is my husband, and he is going to have to deal with it because I'll be at the doctors from 9-5 for two days and sick as heck.

It's too much stress one right after another. My urges and actions have gotten worse over the past few weeks, and I think even my T's don't know what else to do with me other than offer hospitalization but we haven't truly discussed it as a plan.

How serious are your urges and actions? Do you have an emergency number you can call?

[SheHulk07]

Originally Posted by kittlies

How serious are your urges and actions? Do you have an emergency number you can call?

**TRIGGER**

I can and supposed to call the crisis line through my therapist's office. I hate calling, so I've only called them twice in the last month when everything started going downhill.

My urges depend on my anxiety & panic level. This morning I was at like a 3-5 on a 1-10 scale of how bad my urges were. Tonight it's about a 7. I've already self harmed, and had the pills with me but haven't taken any of them.I know if I get to the point of taking any, it will be more than the last time.

Days like Tuesday it was like a 8 or 9. I did both cutting and pills.

[kittlies]

Originally Posted by AmyFed07

**TRIGGER**

I can and supposed to call the crisis line through my therapist's office. I hate calling, so I've only called them twice in the last month when everything started going downhill.

My urges depend on my anxiety & panic level. This morning I was at like a 3-5 on a 1-10 scale of how bad my urges were. Tonight it's about a 7. I've already self harmed, and had the pills with me but haven't taken any of them.I know if I get to the point of taking any, it will be more than the last time.

Days like Tuesday it was like a 8 or 9. I did both cutting and pills.

get rid of your means and call your crisis line.

[kittlies]

if you aren't comfortable calling them, call 1-800-273-8255

[SheHulk07]

Originally Posted by kittlies

if you aren't comfortable calling them, call 1-800-273-8255

I use the Crisis Chat when I can instead of calling anyone. If I call my crisis line, my therapist and crisis therapist will know 1st thing Monday that I called so they will be able to maybe help me better they say.

[kittlies]

Originally Posted by AmyFed07

I use the Crisis Chat when I can instead of calling anyone. If I call my crisis line, my therapist and crisis therapist will know 1st thing Monday that I called so they will be able to maybe help me better they say.

Ok I hope you have an ok night

[SheHulk07]

I didn't call but I didn't take pills either. Today is already turning out to be stressful. I just want something good to happen instead of everything completely falling apart. Is that too much to ask?

[SeekerOfLife]

Trigger Warning. Practice self care. Pamper yourself. You deserve it now when you are under so much stress. I can see you are very OVERWHELMED. Take care of yourself and let others do all the rest of the "stuff". When I hurt myself, I made everything in my life worse. Try not to be alone. Call a friend. Go to a crisis center.

[SheHulk07]

Originally Posted by seekersinking

Trigger Warning. Practice self care. Pamper yourself. You deserve it now when you are under so much stress. I can see you are very OVERWHELMED. Take care of yourself and let others do all the rest of the "stuff". When I hurt myself, I made everything in my life worse. Try not to be alone. Call a friend. Go to a crisis center.

I'm trying to take care of myself. Tonight we are going to go see Santa & watch fireworks, and get my son a haircut. I might pick up some hair dye for myself. Just something to do for myself.