Disturbing thoughts/obsessions

Hi,

I've been feeling a little odd lately and I wonder if anyone can help me.
I began feeling strange at the end of last October, I put it down to the flu at the time but since I'm still feling unwell I think there's definitely more to it.
Most of my symptoms all seem to fit the symptoms of clinical depression, but I wonder if anyone can relate to what I'm feeling and advise whether or not it is depression.

I have a lot of the classic depressive symptoms - I've been feeling generally weak and constantly tired, I seem to have lost interest in everything I used to like, and I just feel kind of numb and dead inside, like someone has sucked my soul out of me. Nothing seems to matter any more, and I've been feeling constantly anxious and on edge over the last few months.

What worries me most, though, are the uncontrollable disturbing thoughts that I can't seem to get rid of. They aren't the classic depressive thoughts about suicide or death, however - instead they're of a more philisophical nature. I keep wondering to myself whether anything actually exists, or whether it's all just a dream or a figment of my imagination, and I even started wondering whether I myself actually exist. Obviously these thoughts are quite distressing, but I just can't knock them out of my mind. I know that they're crazy and stupid, and I don't actually believe them to be true as such - I'm not delusional - but they still carry on cropping up and bugging me. I'm terrified that I'm going schizophrenic or something. Is this a normal symptom of depression/anxiety, or am I going crazy?

Also, I haven't seen anyone or sought help yet. What should be my first step? What are people's experiences with antidepressants? Everyone I've spoken to who has been on them says they've been on them for years. I don't like the idea of having to rely on pills to get on with my life, especially for that length of time. Are there any good alternatives that actually work?

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

hi, welcome to the forum.

Those thoughts are not crazy or delusional. I often wonder who I am and if I am really here. Then you wonder if you do exist why you don't feel anything........been there, done that.

I have been on many meds for anxiety and now mood swings. I am bipolar and BPD. I have tried Zoloft, Celexa, Paxil, Prozac, Buspar, Serazone and now Lexapro.

For the bipolar I have tried Lamictal (bad -caused a severe rash all over), and am now on Depakote. This has helped in keeping me focused and not all over the place with mood swings, etc.

I've been taking meds for about 3 years along with therapy. You might want to see your primary doc first, make sure there are no medical reasons for your feelings and then try therapy.

I wish you the best of luck.........stay in touch.

Mary Alice

definitely sounds like depression but you have to see a doctor to know for sure, only a professional can diagnose it.

usually treatment is therapy or medication and therapy, depending on the root of the problem. depression can be caused by an imbalance of brain chemicals that won't allow you to respond to things you used to enjoy, etc. if that is the case the medicines can help with that, but therapy is needed also. the meds don't stop the depression, they only rebalance the brain chemicals so that therapy can be effective.

there are lots of different meds nowadays so the best thing is to find a good doctor and/or therapist and be patient trying to find the right meds taht will work for you. it largely is a matter of trial and error to find what you respond to best. everyone has a different experience with each med so don't let any "stories" scare you. as long as you have a doctor taht you trust and communicate well with it should be only a matter of time to find relief.

you can start by finding treatment for this, someone to evaluate you, make a diagnosis and set up a treatment plan. see if there is a mental health clinic you can go to or contact the mental health department of a local hospital. if you are in school many colleges have mental health treatment available on campus. don't give up if the first doc or therapist seems offputting, sometimes it takes a while to find the right doctor whom you can trust and talk to and feel they are helping. the same holds true for "regular" medical doctors... sometimes it takes time to find one with the right "bedside manner" that you respond well too, but with mental health issues this is even more important because being able to talk about your symptoms openly is the only way they have to plan and adjust treatment.

Support is another important factor and even if you have the support of family and friends it helps to find a community of people who know and understand the suffering of depression. so for that keep posting here and take advantage of the community available here. for the "real" world there are also lots of free support groups where people can meet and talk. Most groups are open to everyone even those without an official diagnosis or treatment so if you find one around you can get some local advice about finding a doctor as well.

good luck

-- The world is what we make of it --
-- Dave
-- <A target="_blank" HREF=http://www.idexter.com>http://www.idexter.com</A>

Welcome to the forums. This is a good place to get some support and find people who understand. We never have to face this alone again!

Do see a doctor about your symptoms. There are physical problems that mimic depression too, and most of them are very treatable. If you have just had one depressive episode, you probably can try meds for a while and after you have felt better and your doctor says you are okay you can stop. My sister used antidepressants for about a year and a half and stopped and has not needed them again. I was told that if I started them I probably would have to stay on them forever, since I have had three major depressive episodes and dysthymic disorder in between, for like 25 years (most of my life). But I started using St. John's Wort a year ago, and that is working for me most of the time. I probably will have to stay on it forever though.

Can you give us an example of the disturbing thoughts? One thing that happens along with depression is ruminating or obsessing over things. There are strategies you can use to learn to control your thoughts.


<font color=orange>"Everyone has a need for significance; and if we can't make that possible, or even probable, in our society, then it will be obtained in destructive ways." -Rollo May</font color=orange>

Hey there
Welcome to this great place, where there are so many wonderful members that offer support an valuable information.
If I were you I'd start with having a physical, and thyroid function screening (bloodwork) sometimes depression or the symptoms of it can come from some underlying physical problem, some examples; Lymes disease, Hypothyroidism, Diabetes, hormone imbalances, etc. so first I'd rule anything that physically may be the cause. If everything checks out okay, I'd talk to my doc about this and see if he or she can refer me to a mental health specialist for further evaluation, maybe only some talk therapy is what you'll need.
Don't be so doubting of AD's, there are also mood stabilizers that may be needed and not AD's or both to get you on the right track, and they are NOT always taken for life, none of us like to take a med lifelong but if it brings hope and sets you back to the person you were and felt good then, it is worth trying.
There are so many different meds that can help, it takes time for a pdoc to "fit" you with the right one or sometimes you'll be lucky and be prescribed one that clicks right of way.
If your depression turns out to be linked to hypothyroidism, thyroid meds can work wonders, Synthroid is a popular one here in the US, helping many people return their thyroid functions to normal. Whatever, check this out, life is too short to be miserable. . . I know I've been there, I take meds and probably will have to for life, mypdoc says, but it has helped me greatly, after menopause my pdoc says I may not need them but either way I can deal with it if I will need them.
There is no shame in taking medication for depression, or any other mental disorders, it is ashame if we deny ourselves of the possiblity of feeling better and enjoying life.
We always need to keep in mind that not every day of our lives is going to be "up", we get our days that aren't so great bbut if those kind of days are lasting more than 3 weeks, it is time to seek help.
I wish you lots of luck with this and hope you will feel free to come and visit this site, even let us know how things work out for you. I feel once you see a doc and go over this with him or her you will start to feel better, never give up, things you thought impossible now, can become the possible and you can find "balance" once again

Please take care,
DE

In giving advice seek to help, not please your friend
SOLON

Can you give us an example of the disturbing thoughts?

Yeah, like I said - philisophical stuff like is the world really real, or is it all in my imagination, am I the only thing that exists, do I even exist myself, etc. Crazy stuff. How exactly do you learn to control your thoughts?

Thanks everyone, some interesting suggestions.. I might stick around.

I hope you do stick around. I could really enjoy discussing philosophy with you. I've had those same questions! I remember as a child wondering if we really existed, or if maybe we were just all characters in sombody else's dream. Or just a dream of a dreamer who was just dreamed up by someone else. Then what does that make the characters in our dreams? Maybe the whole universe only exists because somebody dreamed it. Who would that be who dreamed up the universe? Could the dream theory explain other dimensions (they could be versions of the universe in yet another dream)? So there could be all these varying degrees of dreams and existence. Could it be circular? No beginning - the first dream is just dreamed up by the last?

Yeah, it can tie in to depression. I spent so many years wondering if I really existed and whether I had any right to exist, that it was easy to buy into any suggestion that I shouldn't, in fact, exist. One time my insurance company told me that I didn't exist, and that was why they were not going to pay my bill, and I figured that they must be right. What business did I have thinking that I existed anyway?

Controlling your thoughts is too complicated to explain here. You could try doing an internet search for cognitive therapy, or find a therapist who does cognitive therapy. One thing to try though would be to just decide to think about something else anytime an unwanted thought enters your mind. Music really helps - decide on a song and learn it, and play that in your mind instead.

<font color=orange>"They accused us of suppressing freedom of expression. This was a lie and we could not let them publish it." ... from the Director of Censorship...

</font color=orange>

Something I do when I start obsessing about something is tell someone or make a post here so that I get it from my head and get it out. Then I'll turn the radio on and sing along with as many songs as I can. If I'm not busy doing something, I'll read.

These suggestions are just to tide you over until you talk to your doctor. Best thing to do is to make sure of what it's not.

Take care and let us know how you'd doing, ok?

Great ideas September, I will try them.

Thanks for sharing.

Karen