why am i i alive?

I know that my mother never planned to have me when she fell pregnant and that abortion was a solution that she thought through,it is no secret and i dont blame her for thnking it as she was seventeen and unmarried when pregnant with me.I have five other brothers and sisters now and love each of them very mutch,but i know that i have a different father than them all even though theres doesnt live with us anymore also.I feel somehow i dont know,like i could die and it would be ok.im confused i need someone to love me i think altyhoug i have that in frinds i guess im just so lonley im dorry for annoying anyone

Oh Wanting,

Please don't apologize!! You aren't annoying anybody here. This is why we are here. We all have different things that bother us and makes us depressed.

It sounds like you are really having a tough time of it and I am so sorry for that. I bet though that your Mom loves you very much!! Not to mention your brothers and sisters.

Do you have anyone you can sit down with and talk to?? Are you on any anti-depressants?

Just know that you can come on here anytime you want and talk. We all know how you feel.

Sending you lot's of hug's!!

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Wanting)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Take care,
Linda

I am on antidepressants ,citalo0pram for three weeks although i have been on them before and had three serious suicide attempts although noone knows about them because i was a faliour at them too i took pills and was sick for a week afterwards and told my mother i was ill lol i climbed o he op of a pylon 359 ft and sat there for threee hours without bring seen,i cut my wrists but hat i could not hide,but its anazing the things peopole wont ASK YOU ABOUT

*hugs*

My grandma says, "all though you may have been UNplanned, you will NEVER be UNLOVED!!!"

Hello I hope things are better at this time. Sometimes when you get depressed you feel worthless and that you do not have a purpose in life. I really feel that you need to see your Dr immediately, for a medication change. You can call 1-800-273-TALK as well to talk to a live person about how you feel. Medication works wonders for depression, and a good support group in your local area such as DBSA or NAMI may help as well I attend both and we have a great time at the meetings. Both meeting may be found on the internet for your area. I hope things get better soon. You are not alone we all have problems sometimes, it is just how you deal with the problems to your satisfaction, and safety that matters the most. Take care Sincerely Soidhonia

We are all here for a reason and just knowing that your mom COULD have aborted you if she had wanted to says you were meant to be here....you have a purpose....

It sounds to me almost like you feel as if you are the odd one out of the family....but I am sure your family loves you and wouldn't want you to feel that way.
Where is your father? is he in your life?if not could it be that you are lonely for him?

I hope you find your way out of this depression soon hun.. and please.. do call a crisis line if you feel suicidal again... it isn't the answer...

Peace, Faith

Nah i really dont feep for my bio father,hemeans nothing to me it is niether here nor there in terms of enotion
i could actually go and meet him he own a pub thats local,but choose not to.ive gon 30 yrs wthout him so why start now?.
thank you all for your help