[gon3withth3wend]

I've been feeling extremely low this week and stressed out by many tasks at school. This combination results in getting very little work done, and more stress. I physically can hardly breathe. It's hard to smile and it's physically hard to talk. My chest feels heavy. I don't know how I got to this point, because it's been a while since I've felt quite this low. All day my thoughts have been flooded with self harm and suicide. It's been a while since I last cut myself and I don't want to start again... Plus it would be harder to do in a college environment. My suicidal thoughts have been especially strong. I've been thinking about it nonstop all week. I just started seeing a new therapist and she told me that if I were feeling suicidal I should go to the nearby mental hospital..... Even though I'm feeling suicidal I don't think I have the means to make an attempt so I'm not sure if I am a danger to myself. I don't know if I'd ever voluntarily admit myself to the hospital. I just agreed to it because I didn't want to come up with another suicide plan. I'm just so sad and I don't know how to get rid of how I feel because when I used to feel this way I would always cut and now I don't know what to do. I would go to sleep but I have so many things to do.

Woah woah there slow down for a little bit. Wow this is kind of a trip down memory lane because I can actually say I was in the exact same place you were last year.

Now I don't know if this will help but this is what I did personally. I went to visit one of the deans and asked to withdraw from the semester because there was no way I could finish and even thinking about finishing put me into a panic attack. And I come from a very academic family mind you. My grandparents were doctors and scholars and my parents are from prestigious universities so this was literally felt like the death of me but to be honest it is the only way I survived.

Luckily my dean was very understanding and allowed me to drop to part time so I finished the semester taking only 1 course. And then the next semester I took 2 courses. Now I'm on 3 classes and I'm slowly working my way back up and feeling slightly overwhelmed but the most important part is that I can handle it now. I wasn't able to before. You are so very young with a lovely future just waiting for you so please be gentle with yourself when your body and mind are screaming at you to slow down a little. Take it easy for a bit. I know you can do it

Best of luck!

Hello Wendy,

Sorry to hear you are struggling right now...... I am curious if you have ever been in a mental hospital.?.?.?

I know the "image" is pretty scary. Intense. Stereotypes of padded walls and force injections and all that. That is all crap. I have been forced into the hospital once (6 day stay). And it was actually really NICE. Zero stress. Free food, beverages, snacks. TV & phone access (but no cellphone access - which was the crappiest part).

If you are overwhelmed - maybe a few days would HELP you. I guess I am just saying - do not be afraid of it. It is no big deal, and it could help you a lot.

Gods blessings to you.

[Fuzzybear]

[gon3withth3wend]

Yeah, I'm taking a full 18 credits and that's a lot especially when you feel like this... But for my degree program I need to be a full time student and my family always says "fight through it" I feel like I either need to be here and take a full credit load, drop out altogether, or change my major completely, which would involve probably leaving my school anyways.

I've never been to a mental hospital, I'm not afraid of it, I just don't really want to take the time to go because if miss too much. I almost went once in high school but I didn't want to be away from school. I also have reservations about going voluntarily. I feel like if I go it should be involuntary?

Fortunately I was eventually able to get out of bed and finish everything I had to yesterday. Even though it's the weekend and I finished all my big assignments and studying I feel some kind of impending doom in my gut. I'm just never good enough for myself.

two points....

1st - do not worry about if the hospital takes "too much time". so what if it cost you a semester of school. That does not compare to your LIFE.

2nd - voluntary is better than involuntary (in my opinion), in my state if you go involuntary there are two big negatives. First you have to go before a judge before you are allowed out. Secondly, this becomes part of your permanent record (visible).

Just my opinion.

[Pierro]

There are many people in your situation that find college overwhelming. I am so sorry that you are feeling like harming yourself, and suicide. Sounds like Keeprolling was in the same situation as you, maybe talking to your Dean may not be a bad idea.You need to lighten your workload because you dont want to fall behind, so lessening your work would have beneficial effects, until you get back on track. Things don't stay the same, things change and they will for you. You probably can't see that but it will. Best wishes and stay safe.

[gon3withth3wend]

I'm already behind because I failed a couple required classes last semester and I can't take them again until next year. It's stressful because I just don't see cutting back as an option. I can't take six years to graduate. If rather just drop out of school entirely. I often feel like I never should've come because these are all unresolved issues from high school. It started getting bad during my sophomore year but I kept on pushing myself and doing worse and hating myself for it. When I got to school my parents weren't worried about finding me a therapist at all. They said I didn't need one. When I'm unhappy they tell me to push through, work harder, and to tell myself that I will be happy - that happiness is a choice. It was my decision to see a therapist this semester because I know I'm doing worse, and it's the first time it's been my choice and I'm more open to talking about things. I just never get to see her because our school clinic always closes for snow. I'm ranting, thanks for all of the advice.

Ugh snow sometimes is literally the worst thing D: but shhhh let me give you a hug. If it makes you feel any better I might be stuck for 5-6 years as well. I'm a junior right now already and I have barely started on my major. But I am quite serious about perhaps taking a bit of time off. Start again with one class during summer break. Then a few more because the thing is that it's much more important that your healthy and happy than going through school in the fast lane. Because at least for me, trying to stay and struggle through it literally almost killed me. Everyone takes different amounts of time to get through their own issues and I can definitely say now that I'm so glad I took the time to learn about myself and work on resolving issues from my childhood before attempting a full load again.

As for the dropping out of school portion that is a decision you have to make yourself. It's a really tough choice to make most definitely and something you probably want to talk to your parents about. For me, I was too scared to do something like that because all my friends are ridiculously high achievers and I felt as though I could never show my face at family parties ever again (this was a crazy mental exaggeration I had but then again I also have a lot of pride). So I decided taking a little time off would be better and rethink it to come back later.

But either way, I wish you the best of luck! You can always contact me if you have questions!