[Elektra_]

... u have nothing to live for, no one cares about u, and just probs u need fixing but cant be fixed, u do what????

[hownowbrowncow1212]

u look at a flower in all its wonder. u wonder what that flower has been through. you wonder who will pick it. but u know that u wont. u want to see it live out its life in its entirety. and no matter which way the wind knocks it, what bugs bite it, what mold infects it, it thrives for life and will not go down on its own will. be like flower my friend

[healingme4me]

Thanks, that was beautiful

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[mountainstream]

Thanks for the beautiful thought.

[Elektra_]

now i ask: are u ****ing kidding me?

[wolfpup54]

Originally Posted by Elektra_

... u have nothing to live for, no one cares about u, and just probs u need fixing but cant be fixed, u do what????

Elektra you want a reason to live ok then how about this live so we can be friends so we can talk an be friends i care about you ur one of my frist friends even if you dont think of me as a friend i think of you as a friend we all got problems we have to except them an move on we just keep living keep trying we make friends we try to make a difference be respected an find a meaning in this dimension

[Hoppery]

People care about you, but you push them away

It's really hard to find a reason sometimes but I think one of my favorites is to share the love that has been shared with me. Or to do the things I've always wanted to do. Sometimes when I feel hopeless I just sit outside and meditate. And then I think about all the dreams that I have for the future and things I definitely want to do before I give up. I look at where I've been and where I'm going and think hey maybe it's alright for now but I can get to that nice place someday. I'm still growing and there are a lot of people much worse than me and I may be small and weak but at least I have a good heart so even if I'm general not that helpful at least I can help balance the scale and move the world in the direction that I think is a good one. And now I'm babbling sorry if this didn't help >_<

[CastlesInTheAir]

Originally Posted by Elektra_

... u have nothing to live for, no one cares about u, and just probs u need fixing but cant be fixed, u do what????

Whatever you want. If you have nothing to live for then nothing is tying you down, if there is no one, then no one is tying you down, and if you have "problems" (external) that can't be fixed....well...let it be...delete it...

Just wander aimlessly with no agenda look at everything

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[Clara22]

Lastly, when i feel lost there is no way I can see life as a valuable thing. I just try to survive until I am better because as far as I know this feeling does not last forever

[Elektra_]

the prob is i dont see a future and i have no dreams...

Originally Posted by keeprolling

It's really hard to find a reason sometimes but I think one of my favorites is to share the love that has been shared with me. Or to do the things I've always wanted to do. Sometimes when I feel hopeless I just sit outside and meditate. And then I think about all the dreams that I have for the future and things I definitely want to do before I give up. I look at where I've been and where I'm going and think hey maybe it's alright for now but I can get to that nice place someday. I'm still growing and there are a lot of people much worse than me and I may be small and weak but at least I have a good heart so even if I'm general not that helpful at least I can help balance the scale and move the world in the direction that I think is a good one. And now I'm babbling sorry if this didn't help >_<

[Elektra_]

is been like this for long ime now..

Originally Posted by Clara22

Lastly, when i feel lost there is no way I can see life as a valuable thing. I just try to survive until I am better because as far as I know this feeling does not last forever

[CastlesInTheAir]

Originally Posted by Elektra_

the prob is i dont see a future and i have no dreams...

That emptiness is the hardest thing to cope with. At least if we had dreams we would have a feeling for something to strive for. Its funny though I've got myself caught in a paradox of thought lately, where I think yeah I have nothing to live for, then I think well that means I have nothing to die for either. But both life and death are inevitable anyway. You may not see a future , but in truth no one sees a future , all you can really see is right now. Find a little joy, even if just a small fraction of it in the ordinary things like music, warmth of being under the covers, a book, TV show , to pull you through. I like to think that if I keep it moving even if its ever so slowly that I'll walk into a feeling other than this, eventually.

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[Clara22]

The future is there, but it is hard

[Elektra_]

should have killed myself when i had the chance

[Alone & confused]

Originally Posted by hownowbrowncow1212

u look at a flower in all its wonder. u wonder what that flower has been through. you wonder who will pick it. but u know that u wont. u want to see it live out its life in its entirety. and no matter which way the wind knocks it, what bugs bite it, what mold infects it, it thrives for life and will not go down on its own will. be like flower my friend

Very well spoken!!

[Elektra_]

Originally Posted by Alone & confused

Very well spoken!!

go **** urself.

Originally Posted by Elektra_

the prob is i dont see a future and i have no dreams...

Even when you don't see a future there must be quite a few things you've always wanted to do right? Start out really small. Maybe you've always wanted to learn how to make sushi. Or maybe there is a video game you've always wanted to try?

Then go a little bit bigger. Just because you don't have a dream yet don't mean it will always be this way. Why don't you think of one now? Do you want an apartment or a house? Roommates or pets? What kind of kitchen? What kind of work? Would you fill your living place slowly or all at once? What kind of crazy adventures do you want to go on?

I've always wanted to build my own kite. Get a cat. Live in a nice apartment with a few roommates. Grow my own garden. Start little and piece it together.

Originally Posted by Elektra_

go **** urself.

also, some people find profound beauty and answers to life in flowers and nature so give them a bit of slack. I think it's really nice for people to understand their own lives by using their own compassion in other types of living things.

[Clara22]

Hi Keeprolling
The issue is that when you are very low there is no desire, no desire for the big, no desire for the small.

Hi Clara

I mean, I felt it too. Last year I was literally an empty shell that stayed in her apartment and didn't leave for days at a time. Everything was muted and I felt hollow until I realized "what the hell, this is terrible I might as well take this time to do something I've always wanted to do" so I went out, bought a ukulele and taught myself how to play. And then while playing I thought some more, and went to go buy a harmonica and learned that. And then after that I signed up for martial arts classes. And it helped bit by bit.

So yeah, I understand that self-motivation is really hard to come by but if you can find it somewhere and keep it moving it really does help to pick up things that interested you or interested you in the past. That was what I was trying to say anyway. I don't know if it came across correctly or not.

[Clara22]

Hi,
I think we are talking about no desire within the context of depression. Sometimes, you do not want to exist. And that status can be almost invariable for months. I am disabled because of a car accident I had when I was a teen. Around my twenties I had a series of surgeries. One of the consequences was an infection that would not go away. I had to had several additional surgeries to clean the infection that did not work. I was sent home with antibiotics and at that point I just felt I wanted to die. I could not walk anymore and on top of that, my last five years had been spent in the hospital, dealing with various health issues caused by the accident. I saw my future would be ugly. I have no desire, no motivation for living. I was trying to study but the illnesses would not allow me studying. I stop eating. I remained in bed waiting for death. It is a very profound sentiment. You cannot snap your fingers and say:"I will play ukelele". Believe me.

[Hoppery]

Originally Posted by hownowbrowncow1212

u look at a flower in all its wonder. u wonder what that flower has been through. you wonder who will pick it. but u know that u wont. u want to see it live out its life in its entirety. and no matter which way the wind knocks it, what bugs bite it, what mold infects it, it thrives for life and will not go down on its own will. be like flower my friend

Nice words right there, thank you

Originally Posted by Clara22

You cannot snap your fingers and say:"I will play ukelele". Believe me.

Hi Clara!

First off let me say I too have been at the point where I laid in bed and waited for death. In fact I laid on the floor holding sleeping pills wonder what it would be like to end it because god I just wanted to get off this crazy carousel we call life so believe me I have been there.

Perhaps I haven't been able to word what I was trying to say well enough. I know that gathering the desire to do anything when you're severely depressed is literally like a mouse trying to pull a lion across the ocean (or something to that ridiculous level of "NOPE"). I failed all of my classes one semester because I could not even gather the ability to even hope to go to class. Which brings me to what I wanted to point out at the beginning but didn't get my point across quite right.

1. Hope is the most powerful thing in the human mind--it's why the It Gets Better campaign and several other sorts of things really work. They inspire people that things improve and maybe if they fight a little longer they can get there. Which is why building dreams and hopes is important.

2. It all depends on circumstance for an individual to actually get it into their brains. You can read a book or watch a movie on repeat and different things will stand out to you because what is happening in your life at the current moment is exactly what will effect what you hear and what you don't.

Now, I've gone back through the post history again to reread it and make sure I haven't missed anything and I don't think I have but I apologize if I did. I don't mean to say that you can snap your fingers and find the motivation immediately. In fact, maybe my advice on trying to create your own "bucket list" and fulfilling it won't even work but that isn't what I was trying to do. I was trying to help connect a future with their past interests. I've found it useful, when I feel terribly alone to imagine what kind of future I could have. Be it big and grand or small and silly, it helped ground me. It's not a matter of fulfilling the dream but having a dream.

Now I have to apologize just in case I got the idea wrong again haha I have a bad time wording things and sometimes I interpret things wrong. Either way, I hope you feel better! (Your status says you're feeling sick D: )

[Clara22]

Hi keeprolling
Please, do not apologize! You did not offend me at all