[Curupira]

I am pretty familiar with mental illness. Seceral member sof my family have one type or another. I never saw them as weak or lazy, but now that it is me, that is all I can think about myself.

I hate needing help. Everytime my husband or my friends have to check in on me, ask if I've eaten, get me out of bed, or help take care of my daughter, I feel useless, a burden.

I feel myself spiraling and I cannot get control. I am seeing a psychiatrist and am on medication. I had to quit my counselor because she was not helping. In my final session she said I should just try to be happy.

My coping mechanisms are becoming more destructive and it scares me

I don't know if I am looking for advice, or support or what. I just needed to be honest with someone

[gayleggg]

That's the depression talking. I'm sure your family doesn't see you that way and are glad to help out. If you are getting self-destrutive please call you pdoc.

This is a great place for being honest and getting support. Keep posting. It really helps.

[Rohag]

Originally Posted by Curupira

I had to quit my counselor because she was not helping. In my final session she said I should just try to be happy.

Uh, maybe quitting that counselor was a positive step.

One of the things my meds do for me is diminish my frustration with myself for needing help.

[smmath]

I too have a double standard when it comes to mental illness and weakness. Do you talk to people about how you are doing mentally? What coping skills have you been using? Are there coping methods that you learned and could try?

[Curupira]

Smmath I am lucky to have a husband and a close friend whom I can talk to. It's hard though. I feel like I have to translate the crazy in my head into something coherent. It can be exhausting I don't want to confuse or worry anyone so...
On the healthy end of the spectrum I used to cope by reading, running, doing yoga, or baking. But it is hard to get the energy for that right now.

And guess that is the real problem. I just don't care enough to challenge the negative thoughts, the guilt, and shame. I feel beaten. And I don't know how to get back up.

I want to get better. I have a beautiful daughter and at my absolute lowest I held on for her. I really want to do more than just survive

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[Fuzzybear]

I agree! I think quitting that counsellor was a positive thing

Originally Posted by Rohag

Uh, maybe quitting that counselor was a positive step.

One of the things my meds do for me is diminish my frustration with myself for needing help.

I have a really hard time accepting help too. Hmm I think, what I did anyway was (somehow magically) let the guilt of being taken care of ebb away slowly. Because really that's the best part about family and close friends. They should be with you when you are feeling down and breath life and hope into you when you have none. They take care of you when you fall down and heal you until you can stand again. I can see that you're really beating yourself up for not being able to stand back up on your own but no one is an island I don't know if it'll help but for me, learning to accept love from other really helped me love myself.

And just food for thought, you may want to talk to your psych to consider upping your dosage of medication. At least for a short while to get you back on your feet. Or maybe try to find a new counselor?

You sound like you're trying so very hard I hope healing comes soon!