[Christina86]

Nothing to say.

[complic8d]

(((((canders))))) Hoping you'll feel better soon.

[lenjan]

((((((((((Christina)))))))))) Right there with ya, gf. Can I come over? They say misery loves company.

Candy

[pamelasu]

I hope you get feeling better soon! *hugs*

[biiv]

me too canders. me too.
(((((((((((((((((safehugs)))))))))))))))))))))

[Christina86]

Life sucks.

People being mean to each other AND I JUST CAN'T STAND IT.

(And for the record, not about any of you.)

Nothing left to say again but life sucks.

Life sucks life sucks.

[pamelasu]

I know what you mean! I really hope you get feeling better soon! Hang in there! *hugs*

[Boopers]

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Christina))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))



Hope you feel better soon!
Linda

[jacq10]

Couldn't agree more ....
Hope things get better soon

[Fuzzybear]

((((((((((((((( Christina ))))))))))))))))

[(JD)]

Move your tush over, I need to sit there too!

[Christina86]

I'm sorry everyone is feeling crummy but all I've gotten is worse.

Regardless ((((((((((((hugs)))))))))) to everyone since being like this at all - SUCKS.

[Christina86]

Dont wanna take up space.

I'm sorry for complaining.

I've lost it. Some people are worried, some people are being mean and some people are trying to understand...

But nobody can help me.

I give up.

I'm stuck in this cycle with no way out.

I'm so tired. I want to just stay in bed away from people. Hide away. Make my problems go away. Drink them away. Starve them away. Just need them to go away. I can't do school anymore. I can't function. I can't be happy. I can't take care of myself. I can't. I'm sick of trying.

I wish I could cry right now - but that would be bad -- last thing I need to do is trigger myself and do something really bloody stupid.

[LMo]

((( Canders )))

what is going on, specifically? what's triggering these thoughts?

[Christina86]

I don't know what's going on LMo.

Tuesday some people were having a heated (friendly) discussion and I just started crying. Negativity and loud in any way really sets me off.

Stress of university is getting to me. Exam in 13 days, haven't started studying. I can't concentrate. Have no will to go to class. Can't smile. Can't be happy. Just want to cry.

Maybe I'd be better off not here.

That's the one scary thought.

It would be so easy to deal with the stress by SIng. It really would be easy.

I'm trying to be good. I just want it to end. Just want it to be over. Why does it just keep going on and on?

[LMo]

ok, now wait a minute. I have a few questions:

a) remind me again what you're studying
b) you still have 13 days
c) it's not a catastrophe if you don't do well this particular term. If you need a break, then you need a break. And it sounds like you do.
d) it keeps going on and on because you've got some good karma built up and these bad times are leading to much, MUCH better times ahead of you. I promise.
e) yes, you must be good. No SI.
f) I like you a lot and am sad that you are having a hard time.
g) what can I do? can I help you in any way?

[Christina86]

a) Studying psychology and english - 3rd year - currently taking three classes, exceptional children (psych), canadian lit, and sociology

b) 13 days is not enough time. Sociology is impossible

c) It is a catastrophe. I need to do well. I'm already messing up academically

d) I'm running on autopilot - so I guess I'm stuck going on and on and on ...

e) I want to. Really.

f) Thanks - I like you too and thanks for trying to help. I don't make it easy.

g) I don't know.

[LMo]

a) ok, I remember now. very good
b) it IS enough time. Look, I'm now 37 and graduated from college 16 years ago (ack). I can remember so many times that I procrastinated about studying and felt completely overwhelmed and unprepared and panicky. And now, 16 years later, it HAS NOT MADE ONE DIFFERENCE. Worse thing that happens is that you have to take the class over again, and perhaps pay for it. You might be delayed in your progress, but you won't be entirely derailed. This too shall pass.
c) no it's not, for the reasons stated above. But I'm sorry it's feeling like one right now Life and career don't completely depend upon academics. Your education helps, certainly, but it's not everything.
d) the term will be over in two weeks and you can enjoy a well-deserved break. I'll celebrate it with you
e) I don't want you to. Thanks for understanding and cooperating.
f) you make it easy to like you, though
g) that's ok - just know that I'm here and I care

[Christina86]

Term's over in about 4 weeks. First exam is in 13 days, second is on the 20th. And then family gettogether junk which is sure to make me more insane and miserable and crazy and thinking about things I shouldn't be.

Eep. I didn't just write that.

Shouldn't put up with me when I'm like this, I know I'm a pain to deal with when I'm like this (says people in real life).

When will I snap out of this. I don't even know if its situational or not but it freaking sucks.

And now I want to cry again. Yeesh. I am quite pathetic and whiny sometimes. *facepalm*

[LMo]

Dude, we have talked about this. I do not want to hear you call yourself names.

You have some brain chemistry that is sticking you with negative thoughts. That is NOT your fault -- NOT NOT NOT. I don't want to hear any self-blame because it's not nice.

I want you to be nice to my friend Canders. Be kind to her. Help her through this tough time by speaking gently and generously about her. Please.

[Christina86]

I wasn't.

I was stating a fact.

I can call myself far worse. I really feel I should.

Argh.

It is my fault. If I tried harder I could fix it. I'm not trying. I've done something intrinisically bad by being an idiot and stupid and rigid and stubborn.

Too late. Maybe I should go hide. I'm being a pest again.

[LMo]

((( Canders )))

[Christina86]

I'M SORRY.



I'm being frustrating to deal with.

Perhaps Christina should go hide again. I'm no use to anyone like this.

Thanks for listening ((((((((((LMo))))))))))

[LMo]

Well, you can hide for the next 24 hours because I'm off to bed and then am flying back to the west coast tomorrow. But I do expect to see you online and with an update when I get home tomorrow night. Ok? Ok!

[Christina86]

Okay!

Have fun