[brainbeforebeuty28]

I've had a lot of stress lately. And a few days ago I was super stress and feeling upset and hopeless like there was no point in living. Well I didn't feel like being by my bf and he just wouldn't leave me alone so I said the worst possible thing I could say just to get rid of him. I really didn't realize the whole weight of what I said before he reacted to it. Then I felt so bad about what I said that I had something between a anxiety attack and a mental break. I thought about how bad of a person I am and how I only harm people and I suddenly couldn't breathe. I keep huffing and gasping for air and couldn't start again. It wasn't like I was panicked I couldn't breathe I didn't really want to breathe I was just so upset that I had hurt my bf feelings. I felt useless and like a bad person and that was all I felt. And finally after a while of my bf trying to snap me back I was able to breathe. I wanta know what this was it really scared me afterward it was like I completely lost control.

That sounds really scary just because you make a bad decision does NOT mean you are a bad person. In fact, because you felt so guilty about it just goes to prove that you are in fact a really nice person.

Sounds quite like a panic attack though. Have you talked to a counselor before? It might be more helpful for them to give you advice on how to better cope and find strategies to help it from escalating. What I find usually helps is just getting away from the issue (but that's not really feasible all of the time). Then again I usually have my panic attacks by myself so haha. I normally am fairly quick to recognize it and slow my thinking down and switch gears into something else. In any case, though it might be a difficult conversation I hope you'll reconcile with your bf. I would definitely tell him about what you were feeling early and maybe find a way to signal an anxiety attack, in the worst case scenario of it happening again so that way both of you can calm a little bit and stop the panic in it's tracks!

[brainbeforebeuty28]

I've have talked to a t before but I was a kid forced to do it so I lied I didn't wanta talk about my issues I've had small incidents like it but never something I couldn't pull myself outta or didn't even want pull myself outta my bf and I are ok he recommended this site for me because of my dislike of all medicine and doctors he used it when he was going through a very rough time

glad you joined this site.

sorry to hear that the world has been "dumping" on you a bit. i am happy to hear you have a person you can rely on. I hope you find some good fortune soon.... sounds like you deserve it!

Gods blessings to you.

[brainbeforebeuty28]

Thank you for all you help I am strongly thinking about going to a therapist but because of my past I'm a bit paranoid to talk to one I'm afraid of getting locked up or becoming a shell of myself from meds. I am the kinda person who believes medicine should only be used when absolutely needed. I haven't been to any sort of doctors in like 5 years. I work through the pain. what doesn't kill you makes you stronger but I guess that's not true when it mental.

Ahh. In the case of mental, I've found that, if you don't treat it then you may fall into the crack between the dead and the living and that is just not a fun place to be. Therapy is definitely a good thing to look into and try. You don't even need to be on medication if they don't recommend it but it's nice to have a place to vent with a professional to help move your thoughts and brain processes into a healthier wavelength

Best of luck!