[happytulips]

Hello Community,

This will be my very first posting here. I am glad to find you and look forward to reading your posts as well.

I am in a state of depression lasting now about two weeks. I am just not very fun to be around right now. I am the matriarch of the family, and I have lots of responsibilities, so I can't be down for too long I'm having a hard time securing vital women friendships in my 40's. Can anyone else relate? I seem to fall on my face at every turn, which has made me feel terribly insecure. I moved away from "home" 8 years ago and haven't been able to feel comfortable in my new surroundings for quite some time. I know, if I could establish a few good friendships, I would feel better about things. My problems are much, much more complex than this. But, that in a nutshell is what has caused my current state of depression. As the Beatle's song goes, "All you need is love..Love is all you need."

[Rohag]

Hello & Welcome, Happytulips.

I'm glad you are reaching out for support early in your struggle with mood problems. Only if you care to share, what are the ways you are attempting to eliminate or manage what's going on? Are you able to get to a doctor to "rule out" any other medical problems that may be causing your symptoms?

[worthit]

I agree with Rohag. You need to know if it's pre menopausal or anything else. Then you can get the right medication to help you through these down times. Thanks for sharing and good luck.

Sent from my VS920 4G using Tapatalk

[Fuzzybear]

[happytulips]

Originally Posted by Rohag

Hello & Welcome, Happytulips.

I'm glad you are reaching out for support early in your struggle with mood problems. Only if you care to share, what are the ways you are attempting to eliminate or manage what's going on? Are you able to get to a doctor to "rule out" any other medical problems that may be causing your symptoms?

Thanks for your response Rohag. To answer a few of your questions. I'm pretty aware about what's going on with my physical health. I keep up with my yearly exams..etc. I have always suffered from low self-esteem and Social anxiety which in turn drives the depression. My GP has me on Wellbutrin. I have been on it for about a year. All it takes for the depression to rear its ugly head, is to feel rejected in some way. I know I really could use a good therapist to help me see things in a different light. You get so used to thinking the same limiting and destructive thoughts, it's almost impossible to change.

I want to try meditation and I know I definitely need to get out there more. It's a catch 22. You know you need people, but then you are disappointed by them at every turn. I'm a very avoidant personality, so if I'm not comfortable around somebody or some place. I avoid them/it. This has caused me to feel so disconnected from life. I struggle right now with these tendencies, but my responsibilities/children keep me going. I am afraid, if I don't change...this loneliness and depression is going to follow me into my golden years and cut my life short. I am healthy physically...why can't I be mentally? I wish I could just sit around and ponder how to be a better person, but I just don't have the luxury to do that. My laundry is piling up! HA! Thanks, again!

Hi Happytulips...

I'm in pretty much the same boat. We moved about 10 years ago and I started to feel isolated. I made some friends here, but about 7 years ago the depression hit. It has been alleviated some with Wellbutrin and hormones....I would have to say that the combo saved my life. But not enough to keep up with the friendships. I have isolated myself and hate leaving the house, for the most part....

Menopause is a killer....

[happytulips]

Originally Posted by sophiesmom

Hi Happytulips...

I'm in pretty much the same boat. We moved about 10 years ago and I started to feel isolated. I made some friends here, but about 7 years ago the depression hit. It has been alleviated some with Wellbutrin and hormones....I would have to say that the combo saved my life. But not enough to keep up with the friendships. I have isolated myself and hate leaving the house, for the most part....

Menopause is a killer....

Hi sophiesmom,

I'm good with the hormones as far as I know, a few years ago I had them checked and I did do a little hrt. It is that time of the month and my problems are just exacerbated because of it. I was in pretty deep about 2 weeks ago before my cycle. SO...just compounds everything.

I moved out of state also about 8 years ago. I had high hopes that I would do much better than this. It is just so much easier sometimes to keep to yourself. You rationalize, if I can't be the most interesting and happy person in the room, who wants to get to know you anyway? Then, low and behold~nobody knows you. You're a mystery. Labeled in some way and people grow leery of trying to crack that shell to find out who you are. You start to believe your own insecurities and act upon them becoming that very person, you don't want to be. It's a never ending and vicious cycle. I do hope that we can all help each other here. It is wonderful to know, I am not alone.

Oh no you're not alone at all....We have something of a reputation as being the "weird people" in our neighborhood.....

Re hormones---Mine tested "within range" too....I was insistent that things were changing. Long story short, huge HUGE improvement.
It makes me wonder if there is a connection with men and women and age and depression....

[live2ski66]

Originally Posted by happytulips

Hello Community,

This will be my very first posting here. I am glad to find you and look forward to reading your posts as well.

I am in a state of depression lasting now about two weeks. I am just not very fun to be around right now. I am the matriarch of the family, and I have lots of responsibilities, so I can't be down for too long I'm having a hard time securing vital women friendships in my 40's. Can anyone else relate? I seem to fall on my face at every turn, which has made me feel terribly insecure. I moved away from "home" 8 years ago and haven't been able to feel comfortable in my new surroundings for quite some time. I know, if I could establish a few good friendships, I would feel better about things. My problems are much, much more complex than this. But, that in a nutshell is what has caused my current state of depression. As the Beatle's song goes, "All you need is love..Love is all you need."

Hi Happy Tulips,
I can so relate to your experiences. I've been looking for friendships in my age group, I'm 47. I never had kids, I was married, now divorced but get along with my ex who lives 5hrs away. I'm not into religion, and my biological family is useless. I'm somewhat new to the area (4yrs). When I moved here I thought it would be Nirvana. Now I'm not sure, but the only place i would consider moving to is London. This is my escape mechanism, something is not right, pick up and move. If you figure out how to make friends on line or otherwise let me know.

[happytulips]

Hi Nikki,

Good to hear from you. The old adage "Good friends are hard to find". Is so very true. Unless, you make friends in your youth, and carry those with you your whole life...making new ones can be a bit challenging. Of course, I'm a bit reserved and a homebody, so I've never made it easy on myself to establish friendships. If I could change one thing about myself, it would be social anxiety tendencies. I guess in my youth, I had some bad experiences and it's kind of followed me into adulthood. My 30's was my most fulfilling decade so far. I was too busy taking care of babies to care about anything else! I'm not a religious person either, so attending church to meet folks, is not really an option. I'm sorry you're having a rough time there in Aspen developing friendships. What a beautiful place. A Nirvana for sure!! Are you socially anxious as well, preferring to keep to yourself or just not happy with the group of people you're presented with. What holds you back? London would be an awesome place to live and they speak our language. A plus! Sorry to hear that you are not able to rely on your family for support. I have a sister in Texas that I love very much, a "built-in" friend if you will. There's not a day that goes by that I don't wish we were closer. She is a very positive influence. Heart of Gold. I will be thinking about you Nikki, and hoping that things get better for you there in Aspen. You deserve to be happy as we all do here on Psych Central. Keep in touch!

[jagenzwei]

I don't have friends. Except for my husband and occasional chatting with someone on facebook. I don't know how to make friends, or keep friends. And people drain me anyway, they make me tired, and I feel the need to be alone to recharge ... no matter how much I like being around them. And I think I am a magnet for drama llamas. People that do want to be around me bring their baggage, or don't understand that I don't want to smoke, drink, or do drugs, go clubbing, or ...uh, public, things. I feel like such a weirdo, then I am more isolated.

But I do like people, or at least I like to be around good people. I thought about volunteering for a medical bus that helps the homeless, but they might think I'm too weird and not want me around either.

Sometimes it seems like it is easier to just be alone.

[worthit]

I find people draining as well. They tire me out. I don't like people though, so there you go. I prefer to be on my own with no outside stimulation. I'm working on it though.

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Originally Posted by jagenzwei

I don't have friends. Except for my husband and occasional chatting with someone on facebook. I don't know how to make friends, or keep friends. And people drain me anyway, they make me tired, and I feel the need to be alone to recharge ... no matter how much I like being around them. And I think I am a magnet for drama llamas. People that do want to be around me bring their baggage, or don't understand that I don't want to smoke, drink, or do drugs, go clubbing, or ...uh, public, things. I feel like such a weirdo, then I am more isolated.

But I do like people, or at least I like to be around good people. I thought about volunteering for a medical bus that helps the homeless, but they might think I'm too weird and not want me around either.

Sometimes it seems like it is easier to just be alone.

If you can bring yourself to volunteer, it's a wonderful thing. Win-win for both sides.
Bless you for considering it.

[happytulips]

Originally Posted by jagenzwei

I don't have friends. Except for my husband and occasional chatting with someone on facebook. I don't know how to make friends, or keep friends. And people drain me anyway, they make me tired, and I feel the need to be alone to recharge ... no matter how much I like being around them. And I think I am a magnet for drama llamas. People that do want to be around me bring their baggage, or don't understand that I don't want to smoke, drink, or do drugs, go clubbing, or ...uh, public, things. I feel like such a weirdo, then I am more isolated.

But I do like people, or at least I like to be around good people. I thought about volunteering for a medical bus that helps the homeless, but they might think I'm too weird and not want me around either.

Sometimes it seems like it is easier to just be alone.

Thanks for your nice reply jagenzwei. People can be draining. And, I'm sure I am draining to my husband right now! My kids are still pretty young and oblivious to the depression, so they're good. I am also one who prefers solitude, especially when I'm feeling down. I also tend to get nervous walking into a room already full of people. Something I'm working on. It is so good that you don't have any vices! I'm glad you're not swayed by your friends who drink and smoke. I think if it's in your heart to volunteer, you should definitely try it. You may find that you love it!! Good Luck to you!

[StephanieBsad]

I am the same. I don't know what to do