[Maskon]

When I'm having my worst days due to depression I feel like my partner should run for the hills as it's not fair to him to have to be around 'this', and I see myself as a completely undesirable mess. He's incredible, does his best to support me, I just fear 1. I'll Never get better 2. He'll eventually tire & leave me. We are getting married next January, and I'm even having a hard time with the planning etc due to mood/motivation/decision making difficulty... This "should" be the happiest time, but I feel like I'm ruining it or rather that the illness is. Can anyone relate?
(Wasn't sure if I should post this here or in relationship forum...)

He is a big boy. He is making this CHOICE for a reason. Maybe, just maybe it is a thing call love. He loves you unconditionally. Which makes me think of two questions.....

1) Would you do the same for him? If he was totally messed up - would you stay with him? Forever.?

2) Will you accept his love?

Nothing else matters (in my opinion). To me - it sounds like you have a keeper.

and by the way - CONGRATS to you

[snarkydaddy]

I agree with Useless Me' advice and kudos too you!

Is there any way you could reduce the size and the obligations of the wedding? Making it simple and small? Something you would both enjoy? Or maybe just going off together and get married; celebrating with friends and family after?

Originally Posted by Maskon

When I'm having my worst days due to depression I feel like my partner should run for the hills as it's not fair to him to have to be around 'this', and I see myself as a completely undesirable mess. He's incredible, does his best to support me, I just fear 1. I'll Never get better 2. He'll eventually tire & leave me. We are getting married next January, and I'm even having a hard time with the planning etc due to mood/motivation/decision making difficulty... This "should" be the happiest time, but I feel like I'm ruining it or rather that the illness is. Can anyone relate?
(Wasn't sure if I should post this here or in relationship forum...)

I worry, too, about my husband. He didn't sign on for this and living with me is, for the most part, depressing in itself. Good days are few and far between.

However, you have to have hope that things will improve. It could be in a week, a month, or a year. But they will get better.

I suggest that you have a daily check in with him. I usually simply email my husband at work and tell him it's a bad day or an okay day. That way, when he comes home from work he's prepared that I might be in bed and don't want any pep talks or tales of work.

Congratulations to you. Try to be positive about your relationship.

[SeekerOfLife]

How long have you two dated before you became engaged? How long have you been engaged?
Have you two really known each other long enough to make a lifelong commitment?

[lizzpayan]

Gosh I can relate very well ....
I got married 2yrs ago and I've had depression for about 4 yrs now my now husband met me when I was on my meds (I still am) I was afraid of telling him abt my depression. But like @Useless Me said "he is a big boy" he knows what he is doing, he loves you. Don't you ever feel like you are less than him . You are sick that is all, just like ppl have diabetes, cancer, etc. We need our meds like a diabetic needs insulin. Let your self be loved that is the best feeling we need when struggling with depression.
LOVE.BE LOVE.

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[recentdiscovery]

Don't worry about it too much, he knows what he is getting into. Have you talked to him about your concerns? If you're planning to get married that is a conversation that you two should be able to have honestly and openly. Maybe ask him his expectations, ask him if he expects you to "get better" and how would he feel if you didn't. Make it clear that is a possibility.

I am willing to bet he's marrying you because he loves you, depression and all, just put everything on the table, hide nothing, if you two can do that and be ok with it, you have nothing to fear. I am speaking from experience from NOT doing that about a lot of things with my wife from the get-go and I regret it, if I could do it again being completely open and honest is what I would do.

[Maskon]

Originally Posted by seekersinking

How long have you two dated before you became engaged? How long have you been engaged?
Have you two really known each other long enough to make a lifelong commitment?

We dated 4 years prior to engagement. Yes I think we've known eachother long enough. I feel like I've known him my entire life; it's strange but amazing.

[Maskon]

Originally Posted by recentdiscovery

Don't worry about it too much, he knows what he is getting into. Have you talked to him about your concerns? If you're planning to get married that is a conversation that you two should be able to have honestly and openly. Maybe ask him his expectations, ask him if he expects you to "get better" and how would he feel if you didn't. Make it clear that is a possibility.

I am willing to bet he's marrying you because he loves you, depression and all, just put everything on the table, hide nothing, if you two can do that and be ok with it, you have nothing to fear. I am speaking from experience from NOT doing that about a lot of things with my wife from the get-go and I regret it, if I could do it again being completely open and honest is what I would do.

Yes we've talked about my concerns. Thanks for your support. Guess I needed some additional support from y'all.

Maskon, you have something that most people only hope for.....A man willing to dive in to a permanent relationship even knowing the worst of what we are.....

I find it best to look objectively at the good things in my life and sort of separate them from getting mixed up in my depression.

So take the knowledge of what an amazing man he is and don't let your depression jinx it.....

I am, of course, available to plan your whole wedding for you.....it would be entirely my likes and dislikes but I would be happy with it