[willowbrook]

I hate it when my depression is like this. I can fake happy, interested, excited etc. I can twist my face into the right expressions when I need to. Sometimes for a fleeting moment I almost think I can feel the emotions. But my friend dies, and I'm so beyond disconnected from everything at the moment that I can't even cry for her.

[gayleggg]

Sorry to hear about your friend. We each grieve in our own way. Don't be too hard on yourself because you cannot cry. Grief is not measured in tears but in our hearts. Take care of yourself doing this time of grief.

[paynful]

I can't speak specifically toward your situation, because I don't know you, but I think...

We do all grieve differently. Sometimes, our body knows when we can't handle it yet. I know you feel numb. Maybe being numb is what YOU need right now. Your friend that just passed... was your friend. I don't think that they would mind, because they knew and loved you in this life as how you ARE.

Grief isn't measured in any certain way. You care for them enough to be upset that you aren't upset. That is something. You will deal and feel in your own time. Don't set your watch to anyone else's schedule. Try not to judge yourself too harshly. You are already in pain. It is easier said than done, but be patient and gentle with youself. You are feeling what you need to be right now.

If you are up to it, I would suggest doing something that honors your friend, you and the relationship you shared. Maybe you got together for coffee and a chat, or to watch a certain TV show, etc.

(It is my personal belief that the people we care about can still hear us in the next life.)

Maybe just making that cup of coffee/tea for yourself and your friend, or just lighting a candle/insence... think of them, and tell them exactly what you feel in your heart. It doesn't have to be terribly meaningful. Don't think of it as a good-bye. Just have a conversation. Just like you typed out here. You can always mourn him/her in a different way when you are up to it.

[Alone & confused]

I'm so sorry in regards to both your loss, and your depression!

[atomicc]

My best friend was taken from me six months ago and I know exactly how you're feeling. How long ago did you lose her? For the first few months after she was murdered I felt nothing. I didn't cry really, I didn't feel anything at all. I was numb. I found out that this pretty normal, you're experiencing shock and possibly even PTSD. I thought I was a monster for not feeling, but I will tell you that you will feel again and it will hurt. It will come back to you and you may not be ready for it. If you ever want to talk feel free to reach out to me. <3

[Pierro]

I am so sorry that your friend passed away. My brother passed away 2 years coming up this year and I felt numb for such a long time so I know how that feels for you. Just go with it, you cant force our feelings. Everyone has their own way of coping with a death,theres no set way to get over it I am afraid

[healingme4me]

sorry to hear of the loss of your friend.
Numb, lacking tears, albeit a couple tears escaped, when my mom died. Various moments, since, are when the tears flowed.

Just be gentle on yourself. It's ok, that there's disconnect, at this moment.


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[willowbrook]

Originally Posted by atomicc

My best friend was taken from me six months ago and I know exactly how you're feeling. How long ago did you lose her? For the first few months after she was murdered I felt nothing. I didn't cry really, I didn't feel anything at all. I was numb. I found out that this pretty normal, you're experiencing shock and possibly even PTSD. I thought I was a monster for not feeling, but I will tell you that you will feel again and it will hurt. It will come back to you and you may not be ready for it. If you ever want to talk feel free to reach out to me. <3

First of all thank you to everyone for your kind words, advice, and support.

She was a friend I knew through another support group, I'd known her on and off for almost 12 years. I only got the news of her death last night. I've wept for all the other friends I've lost, I can't seem to cry for her. Maybe I will soon, maybe it will hit me and this is just like a delayed reaction.