[monkeybruv]

I feel like I'm only living for my boyfriend at the moment. I'm ok without him as long as I know he is on my side. But he's very easy to upset. Recently it seems that whenever I finally get excited about something or start feeling like I could get better, I manage to upset him and he makes me feel bad for whatever I wanted to do. When that happens, I just go immobile. My mum and my friends get annoyed because of it, because it'll usually happen on one of the few days I am strong and getting things done, then by the end of it I'll be curled up in a ball staring at the wall, there to stay for the forseeable future. It's amazing how sudden it can be. I felt better this morning than I think I have in 10 years. But for the last 12 hours all I've managed to do is eat half a meal and go to the loo. I don't even see the point in watching tv, sleeping, going on the internet. So I just stare. I've only just managed to snap out of it a bit because I needed to go to the loo. How do you keep going when everything seems so pointless? Should I bother? i feel like i have no control over it.

[LaborIntensive]

Keep trying to STAND TALL, it's all we can do for ourselves!

[Rohag]

Originally Posted by monkeybruv

...he makes me feel bad for whatever I wanted to do.

Speculation: He's accustomed to you being weak; he's comfortable with you in that state. When you show signs of strength, happiness, he acts to return things to the status quo where he's comfortable.

I hope you find MANY more reasons to go on...........

[Altered Moment]

Originally Posted by Rohag

Speculation: He's accustomed to you being weak; he's comfortable with you in that state. When you show signs of strength, happiness, he acts to return things to the status quo where he's comfortable.

Very insightful on Rohag's part.

Sound like his actions are a huge trigger for you. They say that we get in these relationships to try to recreate the past and heal it. I dunno. Its a theory but it makes sense to me.

The problem is that we choose people who are not good for us because we are trying to recreate a past that was not good for us. How is that going to be healing? It can be done with two willing people who are willing to learn how to help each other heal and get lots of individual help and grow together. It takes a lot of work and is not easy. Relationships are the hardest thing. I have had a couple of good ones where we were doing this but fears of commitment and fears of abandonment over ruled and they ended. We both learned a lot though and did grow.

If he is not willing and is not helping you heal then work on yourself and find someone who is. I hate to be blunt but that is what a very knowledgeable therapist told me straight up. Its not easy because "love addiction" can be involved but it was very good straight advice. Why waste your time. Is he gonna change? Can you change him? Maybe he is willing to change, I have no way of knowing.

[monkeybruv]

He's tried to change but i don't know if he can, and to be honest i think he doesn't feel like he's responsible for his actions or able to control them in any way. The problem is that even once we've talked it out and sorted it, I remain in the same state of mind usually for several days.

[SeekerOfLife]

My T would say we teach other people how to treat us. Makes sense, so I have at times called people on their mistreatment of me.

[Altered Moment]

Originally Posted by seekersinking

My T would say we teach other people how to treat us. Makes sense, so I have at times called people on their mistreatment of me.

I am not sure about that. It implies it is our fault for how other people treat us. But if we allow it and put up with it and refuse to stand up it then I guess in a sense it is true. Don't allow unacceptable behaviour if it effects you. Some people need a lot of help in healing and finding the strength to stand up.

[monkeybruv]

My boyfriend txted me to tell me he was online so could play a game with me at 10pm. He's had a really hard day today with his friend being seriously ill, I've been texting throughout the day about it. I said sorry but I was at the river with some friends and asked how long he'd been up. to which he replied 'wtf'. then asked who with and i told him and he replied 'right'. i said i was going back now anyway. no reply. asked what's up, if he wanted me to call him. no reply. said i wasn't drinking, if that's what he thought. no reply. now i'm freaking out because I know i've done something wrong and i think it's either because I was hanging out with someone he doesn't like (but he knows we're friends) or that I should have been at home waiting for him to call because of his day. but he won't tell me, so there's nothign i can do but worry. what can i do??

[healingme4me]

ever considered, it's him, not you? Relationships like you describe will suck the life out of anyone. Sounds like crud my ex husband would say/do.

Silent treatments, hot temper, doubting/snide comments.

Is this someone who deserves being your center of the universe?

Sent from my LG-MS910 using Tapatalk 2

[monkeybruv]

I've been talking to him since 8:30pm because he has decided he's not happy about me going abroad next year and au pairing in the summer. i told him this woman had offered to have me for longer than i'd wanted, but i hadn't said anything yet. he was upset he'd have less time with me. but he was calling me selfish and saying i didn't care and we should break up and swearing, no matter how i tried to work it out. eventually i flipped and told him to leave me alone and stop being mean and talk to me when he grows some balls. i told him he'd worn me down again and i probably wouldn't be going anywhere now because i feel too ****. i've just been crying on the phone to him because he said i was never there for him and his friend is dying and i should man up because a lot of people have it worse (i said i can't go back to uni yet because i'm not better and last time i was suicidal). i feel so horrible. i want to die. there's no point doing anything to better myself if i don't have him. and thinking about how other people have it worse makes me want to die more not less. i can't think straight any more because there is too much pain so i will just have to do what i can to hold on to him.

[Nammu]

Do you have a T you can talk about this with? He sounds quite emotionally abusive. You might try calling a domestic abuse hotline and talking to them about his behaviors and find out.

If going abroad is something you desire to do do not let someone else's behavior control your life. If anyone is selfish it is he. You need to do want is best for you.

[monkeybruv]

Yes but not at the moment as I'm away from uni for the holiday. I don't even know who is in the wrong any more. i know he going through a tough time and he's sad because he wants to see me more but he just makes me feel like a terrible person (or, i must admit, sometimes that he's just there to make me feel bad about everything i do...).

[monkeybruv]

he's just done a 180 on everything he's been annoyed about! I'm happy but at the same time afraid to jump too quickly in case he changes his mind or realises he's upset afterwards...or is pretending everything is ok 'for me' but i'll later find out i should have realised he was still in pain....