[mydog2003]

It's sometimes difficult to talk about this. I'm aiming more towards an audience that are no longer depressed, or are still depressed, but are no longer in that real heavy, raw stage. I know that it bums me out to talk about it. It just brings out bad memories and feelings. However, I find that when I do talk about, it takes a load off of my shoulders, and I hope this is the case for you (otherwise it might not be a good idea to participate in this thread).
By the way, I'm new to forums and threads and stuff, so I hope I do everything right. This is my first one. I think I'll post on my own thread just to get things started, I hope I can do that.

[regretful]

At its worst, I considered the unthinkable. I've been sleepless, and anxious along with the depression. You're doing fine with the forums/threads. This is how they start. As you can see, there's a lot of depressed folks here, and I think we all draw support, otherwise we wouldn't be visiting these pages.

Hi.....welcome..

I just answered another about my experience, I'll recap...

At it's worse, I stared down a bottle of pills. I couldn't see any other way to get away from the incessant "brain pain". I was in bed all day. I didn't care if I ate. I simply didn't care about anything. I wanted to not be here.

But I have kids...It still was immeasurably painful and I wanted oblivion.

Finally my husband dragged me off to the doctor...I would not have gone otherwise.
I started on anti-depressants and, through trial and error, started to climb out of the well.

Now I liken it to a graph with 2 lines...the flat one is my standard. If I fall below that, then I need outside intervention to get me back...above that standard is a wavy line...it's my highs and lows. Don't get me wrong, even the highs are not like before depression hit me, but it's a little bit of sunshine. And the lows still suck, but I know that they won't last long (if they do and I get too close to dipping below my standard, at least I am aware of it and can help myself.

I hope it helps you to post here....people here understand.

ETA did I misunderstand the question? If so, I'm sorry

I tried to press my delete button. Unfortunately it didn't work...

What was your depression like at its worst?

Eating a peanut butter and rat poison sandwich.............. or having the cops take me to a lovely 5 night, 6 day stay at the mental hospital.

[Kabuto]

I often just want to lie in bed all day when I'm depressed- without dealing with anyone or anything. This is not uncommon for what is happening now. I don't want to go out or do anything.

When it's worse than this, I drown myself in regret and often feel like life isn't worth living.

[SeekerOfLife]

At its worst--landed me in the psych section of a hospital for trying to end my life. Doing better now.

[ToeJam]

Originally Posted by seekersinking

At its worst--landed me in the psych section of a hospital for trying to end my life. Doing better now.

Same as the above. Had a similar episode about 3 months back but the worst was while at Uni.

For me it gets to be an almost dream like state with narrowing options. It's like all rationality and resolve go out the window and I become bombarded with intrusive thoughts and a kind of notion that it's ok to just stop.

Is surreal and at certain points feels completely right.

Obviously I don't want to give real term examples as that would be trigger central.

Suffice to say at the time it becomes normality... But once it abates, to know that is where I was at is scary as hell... Like a totally different person was inhabiting my body, rather than the me who is rational, at times motivated and has dreams and ambitions for the future.

[mydog2003]

Okay, so here's mine. I'm pretty long winded when I write stuff like this, so bear with me. (btw, thanks for posting on my first thread. depression sucks)

So, I first got it when I was 15, and it's been an ongoing thing, but its worst was about a month in. I felt raw in my stomach, like a physical feeling, like waves, or a vacuum, or something. I was off my prescribed anti depressants (I definitely don't recommend this) because I knew that it would make it worse (it did), and I felt I deserved it. I didn't stop believing in my god, but I hated him so much because I felt like he didn't care about all of the suffering in the world. I wanted to run away somewhere, like Missouri (I don't know why MO, I wasn't really thinking clearly at the time). I hated myself, and I thought that the world would be better off without me. I constantly thought of suicide. I didn't do it, though, because it's not really in my personality (I'm very passive) and also I was afraid. Afraid that it would hurt, afraid that I would go to hell. I just wished someone else would do it for me. The only things that kept me going were my mom and my dog. I was slightly psychotic, too. I was real shaky and sweaty and wasn't quite sure what was real. I honestly thought I was possessed. I listened to crazy depressing music, which din't help.
Anyway, that's the worst it got. It probably lasted about a month (the worst in the last ten days of the month or so). I'm okay now, though, and I hope you guys are too.

[Altered Moment]

At its very worst I had a plan to end it all. I would think about it every night. It was a comfort to think about it and plan it out. I would pray to God every night that I not wake up and not have to do it myself. I also got slightly psychotic and paranoid. Every car that went by I thought was the cops coming to get me.

[Espresso]

I guess the worst was when I was seriously considering suicide. I'm still moderately suicidal, but I don't know if that's from the depression or something else.