Dont want to try anymore

During the various periods of depression I've gone through before, I never really felt like I wanted to quit. I figured things could get better, and eventually they would - only to become bad again. I dont care so much anymore. I feel like hell. I'm in a pit, I feel tired, I am disinterested in anything that doesnt involve being left alone to do something entirely escapist. I dont want to do business, I dont want to talk to friends, I dont want to discuss anything with my family...I'm not even sure I want to feel better anymore. I dont think I care anymore, or maybe it would be easier if I didnt care... The suicial thoughts are getting really annoying, though I know they aren't real and I wont act on them. But what's worse is the anger. I'm so angry at everyone and everything that ultimately put me in this place I'm in - and that includes being angry with myself. When I feel like this, I dont even want to have fun. It would take too much effort.

"A wise man leaves the road, and finds the way."
- Lao Tse

seasidebiff

I know all to well what you are talking about and feeling. There are so many times where I just want to give up, why bother when nothing is going for me? You start to think negative, and it's hard to get away from that.

Sometimes, well most of the time when I feel that way, I got to one of my many support boards and purge, or write in my journal that I keep... sometimes that helps...

Good luck to you.

~Sundance

#1 We understand those feeling of anger and hopelessness here... so feel free to vent, discuss, ask for support, ask for a cyberhug... whatever. That's what we are here for (be aware that suicidal posts are forbidden here... if it ever gets that bad for you you should call your doctor or hospital or a hotline number immediately. Hopefully with support you won't get to that place)

#2 Do the people around you understand what you are going through? I know you prefer not to identify it as an illness, don't stick to that though if it would help others around you understand this is not something that you are doing "purposely" or out of laziness or something. You seem quite well spoken so hopefully your friends and family understand the situation as you describe it.

If you can talk to them about it try to make them understand that a lot of the anger you feel is not because of them. Another problem with depression is isolation and pushing people away. Make sure they know you aren't mad at them, and make sure the people who provide you good support don't step back because they mistakenly think you want them to.

#3 if people understanding are a problem I wrote a paper that might help it is as http://www.idexter.com

I agree with Ozzie. I found that a good night's sleep can help a lot. Although it's hard to get a good night sleep sometimes, but if you can take naps that might help too. Well speaking of sleeping, i should do that now too.