I dont know anymore

I don't know how to function, I don't know how to be happy, I don't know what I'm doing... I just dont know anymore.

Maybe its better for me to save everyone upset before you realize who I really am... an idiot who cant control herself and tries and fails to help everyone and a person who cant take care of her own bloody life. Maybe I should leave. Maybe I should stay. Maybe I should shut the bleep up.

Maybe I was happy before. I dont know anymore.

I'm sorry. So sorry.

edit: it is so blatantly appparent to me that I'm a selfcentred nincompoop. I dont think i'm doing this for attention but maybe I am. Maybe I should fade away into the background again. I cant help myself I cant help others.

I think it is why we all come here - to figure it out - to vent - to rant - to support each other...Right?

Canders? What's the matter? You're ALWAYS helping people here on PC, silly. ((((((((((((Canders)))))))))))) You need hugs and lots of them. Noooo, you can't leave.
Now what was that quote I had about happiness-Seeking Happiness can lead to much unhappiness. Or something along those lines. Think of happiness like a dog. It comes to you and wags it's tail on it's own-but when you call it, it runs the other way.
More hugs!!!
(((((((((((((((((((CANDERS))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
~You are awesome-don't you forget it!

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Direction said:
I think it is why we all come here - to figure it out - to vent - to rant - to support each other...Right?

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

I suppose. It just seems that everyone else is entitled, and my brain begs to disagree otherwise.

you knew that putting anything about a dog would get a smile out of me... didn't you. hehe

dunno whats the matter just want to lay down somewhere and stay there for a very long time. I feel useless and unmotivated and i hate my life and blah blah blah. I complain too much.

I don't think you complain too much and I personally would like to use your comment to express how I feel...

"dunno whats the matter just want to lay down somewhere and stay there for a very long time. I feel useless and unmotivated and i hate my life and blah blah blah"

We are in this together...

funny how I know what i'm feeling is bad, how what i'm thinking is bad and all I can feel and think about myself is that I'm bad. Am I? stupid head stupid cognitive distortions I dont wanna be alone. stupid issues. I should be abandoned and left alone. I dont deserve anything better.

okay really Christina, shut up now.

I think we are good people - good people who are struggling...

(((((((((((((((((((Christina))))))))))))))))

I hate to see you hurting like this. And I'd like to think that you know you're not an idiot .. because you are the furthest thing from it. You're funny, and caring, and helpful and just such a good person, you truly are.

Happiness.... well its a tricky thing. I don't think that anyone really knows what constitutes it. Thats what makes it hard to recognize - esp people who are struggling like most people here. You know, you try and put on that "happy" face and convince other people that you're happy ... even convincing ourselves. Somewhere along there we lose track of why we're pretending, when we started, and it makes it more difficult to try and stop it.

Start with the basics. Spend time/talk with people that you care about and who care about you. Do things that you enjoy, not just things you have to do, or things that you feel you should do. Find something and put your whole heart into it. Volunteer somewhere? Join a club? Do something that will make you feel good about yourself, and how you are spending your time.

I know its hard. And i know that this search of finding something can sometimes make things seem worse if you dont exactly know what you're looking for. But i know for sure that leaving here, or running away from something... well its not going to help matters. Here, you have a community of people who care about you. Want to see you happy, and will do anything it takes to make you feel better about yourself. I most certainly am one of those people and you know that i'm here if you want to talk. Please don't hesitate if you're feeling bad ... i've been there, and you have been one of the people who have tried to help pull me out of it. Its okay to need the same thing for yourself - it doesn't make you self centered, or an idiot, or anything remotely incompetent or unworthy.

I think that what Pickle said about happiness being like a dog hit right on the spot. Try and be patient ... let happiness come to you, go easy on yourself.

You deserve so much my friend,
big hugs
xoxoxoxo Jacq

(((((((((((((((((Direction))))))))))))))))))))
(((((((((((((((((((Pickle))))))))))))))))))))))
(((((((((((((((((((((Jacq))))))))))))))))))))))

Thanks all you lovely wonderful friends

I don't know whats gotten into me but I don't like it... not one bit. Thanks for all your love and support, it is so much appreciated.

Don't know what else to say at this point except for thanks and I'll try to hold in there. We'll see if that works...

I'm so sorry that you are feeling so down. But there seems a lot of good sense and empathy in what others have written.

((((((((((((((Canders)))))))))))))))))))

((((((((((((Wants2Fly))))))))))))))))))

Thanks I have always found your username to have such positivity... so thanks for that (Weird thanks, I know)

(((((((((((((canders))))))))))))))

(((((((((((((( Christina )))))))))))))))

((((Christina))))) I need you, you can't go anywhere! So there.

((((((((((((katheryn)))))))))))))))))
(((((((((((((((Fuzzy))))))))))))))))))
((((((((((((((Candy))))))))))))))))))

Thanks for the hugs all

I'm having trouble deciding if I should go back to bed at this point and sleep away my entire weekend (forced to go out tomorrow ). Can't figure out if I'm sad, or apathetic or just plain fed up. Sighhhhh...

As for needing me ... you all don't. If I had to leave, you'd find someone much better to be a friend than me. Sad truth, I suck at being a friend - too self-centred. But I'll try to not completely disappear okydokey?

Much love to everyone who's listened to my whining ... I'm going to keep my mouth shut in the future.

Please don't keep your mouth shut

If you're a whiner then so is almost everyone here.........................................

((((((((((((((( Christina ))))))))))))))

love,
Fuzzy

You are no whiner at all. Please stay with us and keep expressing your pain if it will help. We are here to support you too. Please take care.

BB

((((((((((Fuzzy))))))))))))
(((((((((((BB))))))))))))))

Thanks you wonderful bears.

Don't wanna take up anymore space here, if I'm being annoying please ignore me. I deserve it. I'm sorry. Sorry for being self-centred.

Why do they always win? Why is it the small bad ucky part of me that always beats me up? Why do I believe the nasty words that it tells me I am?

I don't wanna be alone. I am alone, even if there are people here. Nobody knows how bad it's getting. I'm trying. Failing. Slipping. Bad spot to be in.

I'm being good though. Trying very hard. Slowly draining my energy.

Can I please please PLEASE just get my life on track?

.... has anyone seen my marbles? I seem to have lost them. hehe at least I can still sorta smile.

((((((((((((((((((((((((canders7))))))))))))))))))))))) You are not annoying nor are you self centered. I am sorry the old tapes keep playing through your head. I know how hard it is to resist listening to them too. Try and know that is the depression talking. Please know I am here and I care. Take care of you.

BB

(((((((((((((((( Christina ))))))))))))))))

((((((((((((((((((((((Christina))))))))))))))))))))))


ps i think your marbles are lost and hiding somewhere with mine!

dont let the mind tapes ge the better of u... you sound like me,,, and you shouldnt believe that you could ossibly be that bad a person coz u arent.
puppy puppy puppy puppy puppy puppy hehehe
take care of yaself
self