​I have been sleeping a lot more than normal (for me) lately. And I am still always tired. Unmotivated. Sure- if I am asked to do something - I will tend to get the task done (I have always been a person to do what has been asked of me).

And for those of you who have seen me here and read my posts..... you may be a little surprised to hear me say that I tend to try to be very positive (or i "used to" be that way).

Today I woke up in a medium mood. Not a great mood, but not dark (what I call my depression) either. Lately, I find myself almost afraid to say I am in a good mood - as if that will tempt the darkness to attack me and put me in a very depressed mood.

So - I exist in a world of medium to dark to super dark. Never upbeat anymore. Never happy (other than a moment here or there). And even when I do have a moment of happiness - it usually is followed by a deeper sadness when the happiness fades.

It makes me wonder if I am just putting off the inevitable. That ultimately the darkness will win.

I just want to sleep. forever.

((( UM )))) I am beginning to wonder the same thing about myself. We have to hold on. Something HAS to change eventually - - doesn't it?

Hang in there newgal.

[bazzinga1990]

Originally Posted by Useless Me

​I have been sleeping a lot more than normal (for me) lately. And I am still always tired. Unmotivated. Sure- if I am asked to do something - I will tend to get the task done (I have always been a person to do what has been asked of me).

And for those of you who have seen me here and read my posts..... you may be a little surprised to hear me say that I tend to try to be very positive (or i "used to" be that way).

Today I woke up in a medium mood. Not a great mood, but not dark (what I call my depression) either. Lately, I find myself almost afraid to say I am in a good mood - as if that will tempt the darkness to attack me and put me in a very depressed mood.



So - I exist in a world of medium to dark to super dark. Never upbeat anymore. Never happy (other than a moment here or there). And even when I do have a moment of happiness - it usually is followed by a deeper sadness when the happiness fades.

It makes me wonder if I am just putting off the inevitable. That ultimately the darkness will win.

I just want to sleep. forever.

when my parents see im doing ok or "good" that day, im always up in the air to about because what was once the feeling of "good" could turn to very bad and dark feelings within myself very quickly. so yeah i get the never having a stable mood or like when ive got to make plans with someone, i can almost never give them a heads up of if im going to be able to come or not because my moods and mental state change so drastically. i often wake up feeling tired too. so of it could be not sleeping through the whole night or the meds you may be taking. wish i could be more of help to you my friend but im good at hugs and being there for my friends and comforting them the best i can.

I also just want to sleep. Unfortunately, what I want and what the world gives to me are often two very different things.

Ah, insomnia.

It is nice to hear, though, that you attempt to be positive, in spite of all this darkness. Sometimes that's the only thing I can do to get through the day. And surprisingly, it's not always a futile attempt. Sometimes it actually works.

Sorry to quote such an overused song, but keep on believing.

[regretful]

I know the insomnia effect very well. Without ambien, I don't sleep for more than 30 minutes at a time. When I do take ambien, I wake up groggy and confused the next day. Those that have commented above, please hang in there...depression is terrible, but I am hopeful for a turnaround for all of us.

[Frankbtl]

Hi UM, maybe having a bit more focus in knowing that the brighter times are coming could help?? They may not last long, but they do come, they do break through.
I know that might not help a lot if you're going through dark times but there still can be a hope there. And when the happier times are coming just try to hold onto them as long as you can. I know that can be completely out of your control at times but if you can just try to hold onto the thoughts/feelings/memories of that feeling of happiness.
Maybe at some point you could write down the feelings when you're happy to remind yourself of them, even if you can't feel that again at times when reading it, at least you'll know you can do it.
So maybe cherish the "happy" where you can instead of being scared to say it???? You need that maybe??? And it's definitely something to celebrate after/with the amount you have struggled at times!!!
If you're needing to sleep more, you know depression can take so much out of you, don't complain at yourself about that!! You need a bit extra rest, you have a bit of extra rest!!!
Just try to line yourself up with/schedule in the tasks you can do (one's for you as well as others if you can!), Whatever may help you feel just a little more motivated.
But really well done on the trying to be positive bit, even if you can't do it much, even if it's not working that much, you can only try. And it is something!!!!
Alison
P.S. sending just a little sun into that darkness:

[Frankbtl]

P.P.S How's about we start calling you- UM aka ComfortingSoul- then you still get to keep your name??? Compromise???

I have been called a LOT of things in my life.... I will stick to the name that I have chosen - but you can call me whatever works for you.

[Fuzzybear]

[SeekerOfLife]

Originally Posted by Useless Me

​I have been sleeping a lot more than normal (for me) lately. And I am still always tired. Unmotivated. Sure- if I am asked to do something - I will tend to get the task done (I have always been a person to do what has been asked of me).

And for those of you who have seen me here and read my posts..... you may be a little surprised to hear me say that I tend to try to be very positive (or i "used to" be that way).

Today I woke up in a medium mood. Not a great mood, but not dark (what I call my depression) either. Lately, I find myself almost afraid to say I am in a good mood - as if that will tempt the darkness to attack me and put me in a very depressed mood.

So - I exist in a world of medium to dark to super dark. Never upbeat anymore. Never happy (other than a moment here or there). And even when I do have a moment of happiness - it usually is followed by a deeper sadness when the happiness fades.

It makes me wonder if I am just putting off the inevitable. That ultimately the darkness will win.

I just want to sleep. forever.

Depression certainly does make a person tired. I have seen that in myself. I like to see that you try to stay positive. I do the same. It often seems like an uphill battle. But I will not give into this monster called depression. Happiness seems like an elusive thing. Usually, I aim for contentment. It's somehow different. UM, sometimes we DO need a nap, or to extend our sleep hours.
Please try to bring comfort to yourself, like you have done for so many of us. YOU DESERVE IT!!!