I'm done

Yesterday, I was kicked out of an online community (reality show forum) I was a part of for over three years. Sure it was just online, but over three years is a long time for anywhere. I grew fond of a number of people there throughout that time, including some of the people who ran the site.

Now, I've been struggling for a while, with certain issues. Since my therapists aren't available 24/7, I had to find someone else to talk to about them. Being a part of that site for so long helped me form trust and connections, or what I thought were connections, with people. Not only that, but my specific issues were the kind that most people don't want to talk about. So I told them everything. Then the next day I notice that I've been kicked out. This is the final message they left me:

"After being held hostage by your rants and your menacing creepiness, and after multiple discussions with staff about your behavior, we’ve reached the end of our patience. It’s time for you to move on. Please seek psychiatric help. NOW."

I feel betrayed. I feel like people I put trust in and was nothing but kind to have turned on me. And I am still angry. I still feel like ****. Especially since this isn't the first damn time something like this happened. I thought I was past those times. But apparently not.

I don't want to get into specifics here in the public forum about what my so-called issues I needed help with are, but if anyone wants to PM me, I can explain.

But, soon enough now, I feel like I'll be finished. Done. being nice to people gets me nowhere, and I'm sick of people who I thought had my back turning on me. I still find it hard to do **** I usually do daily. It's really distressing. They think I'm crazy now, probably. So damn it.

I'm so sorry. I imagine it can hurt just as much being kicked off a forum as it can if your friends suddenly said they were "busy" all of the time.

I am curious as to why you were talking about your issues on a reality show forum, but if you got comfortable with them I can understand.
Then again, only people that have depression can truly understand, don't you think?

Either way that was a HORRIBLE message to leave you.....There's simply no excuse for it. Clearly it was written in anger.
I am sure that not everyone felt that way.

I am not familiar with what a "online community (reality show forum)" is.

@sophiesmom

Yeah, I know the forum wasn't intended for that but like I said, trust builds and that comes naturally. A couple days prior I tried coming here with the same issues, but I felt like they weren't well received and as I stated, nobody wanted to talk about it. so I was desperate and went back to where I was a part of longer. so I don't know.

I just did a quick look through.....

Please don't forget that we are all here for reasons. Sometimes it's easy to feel ignored, but don't take it personally...It's just that we all have issues.

I would say that you will find someone to connect with here, although I am only on this forum because that's the problem I have.

Have you looked around the forums?

I'm really sorry that happened to you, though (and without knowing the specifics) I am not that surprised, which is not a reflection of you but the site itself.

As others above have said, opening up on a non mh specialist help site is both risky and brave.

I'm a moderator on a large gaming fan site and though yes, I have opened up a little (mostly for the sake of explained absence) I wouldn't dream of 'opening up' on the public side of the site... And I'm very careful when it comes to anything leaking out (I can handle trolls, but I try not to give them ammunition).

So yeah... I guess it's a case of differentiating where you are and how honest you can be for your own health and well being.

Try to take this on the chin and see it as learning curve rather than letting it hurt you. I'm sure there will be other communities (such as this one) that you'll again feel at home in

I guess I should have mentioned that, like most reality show fans, I would openly express disagreeance and anger at certain results on the shows, especially when it's America that votes for someone to win. I've been doing that on a regular basis for idk, seven months? But I thought most recently I kind of cooled down with that, and that's why I think my HELP SEEKING is what got me banned.

I'm seriously full of rage and am too depressed to do anything. If I lie in bed, the angrier I become. The more hateful and betrayed I feel.

Honestly, right now, I'd want to tell everyone involved in my banning to go **** themselves.

Can you do something to get your anger out? Maybe write it down?

Feel free to vent here all you want.

I did send the staff a lengthy email a couple nights ago. Not too rude, but mostly wanting answers and letting them know how I feel.

So far I got nothing back. Which makes me view them as cowardly. I still fume.

I can understand your still fuming, i've had such instances in the past. Where you feel you built a relationship with trust enough to be honest and open about stuff and then one shows their true self. However i have no 'advice', no faith in it changing. (((((jaydkay))))).

I'm sorry this happened to you :/. I'm also sorry you haven't felt heard here. It's a big place with so many needing help, it's easy for someone to feel lost and unheard. If you ever want to talk to someone , feel free to reach out to me.

Still nothing from them. You know, I'm not going to let them get rid of me and completely ignore my existence. Most of the time now I am over it, but sometimes, like now, I am completely pissed off and in rage. I sent them another email to show me some darn respect and not have my long email be a waste of time. I feel like I oughta have that much.

The way I see it is this:

If people are nice to me, respect me, and treat me genuinely, I will try to do the same to them. But if they backstab me, turn on me, lie to me, betray me, or screw with me in any way, I will fight back. And I will most definitely not let them get away from the situation that easily. Which is what the they are trying to do right now. I will not drop it until I feel like things are clear.

That's not meant to be a threat, but I think most of us feel that way. No hypocrisy.

I have noticed long ago that most people, well, normal people just don't want to hear about or listen to peoples issues. I'm not sure why? Maybe they are afraid its catching? Or afraid of confronting their own inner-struggles? Who knows. The world is void of empathy and compassion. Its hard to heal when you're dismissed or tossed into labels or things like that. I'm sorry this happened to you. You can open up here.
I now guard my heart for the most part and don't open up to people much. Places like this makes me feel safe, tho.
Hang in there.....when one door closes, another one opens. The next door to open just might be live-giving for you, without the dismissing 'politics' involved.

I should probably stick to PM on here when it comes to discussing this specific issue. I've already, like I said, felt shunned and, wrongly viewed by people. It makes my options even less.

You are not "shunned and wrongly viewed" here, at least from what I have seen.

So your options here are not limited.

Are you able to put this into some kind of context in your life? I know that it hurt you and you feel betrayed, but this is one instance.
If you look at the big picture, how important is this to you?

Similar stuff has happened before, with other people. So I couldn't say it's just one instance.

I guess it's important to me in the way that I now feel like I should no longer try to be nice to anyone. I've lost a lot of patience. And, I think I am done with forums now. This will be my last one until I get banned from here, too.

I see no reason why you would get banned here. In the depression section in my experience you will only find, encouragement, understanding, no judgement, and acceptance. Maybe there are some who don't like me here but they are decent enough not to tell me that. The other sections may be different I do not know. I stick to depression, addiction and psych meds forums. The psych meds forum does get a little heated. There are passionate views on that subject.

(((((((( JayDKay )))))))

I'm also done with Psychcentral chat.

?
((((((jaydkay))))))

Well I had to come back here because I got nothing else.

Is there something that is causing you to be depressed?

Hello there, JDK,

Yep. Same with me.
I hear ya.

Sorry that it is so for you.
Thinking of you.

What I discussed on that forum prior to getting banned was an issue, yes. But it is not one I want to discuss in public. Only through PM. Like I think I already said.