Ughhh

I hate crashing down. I had three good days and once again I am at the bottom. I am just so tired of never knowing what to expect. Today was just one of those days. I hadn't realized how behind I was with my school work. I just hate myself so much, how I look, talk, am, just everything. I am just so tired of it and don't know how to deal with it. I hadn't had urges to cut in a few weeks but they are back, and they are strong. I am really trying to stay strong but it is just so hard.

Is there anything you can do to distract yourself from cutting? Call a friend or family and just talk...like now?

I don't feel comfortable talking about it with anyone. The only person that understood moved and I can't see them anymore.

All I can say is don't cut, you are worth more than that, you are stronger than you think. We are all in the suffocating grips of depression. All struggling, its a new story everyday, a new plan must be made, a new tactic drawn out, a new battle fought. Win some you loose some.

Although I'm not an addict I've found some of their stuff helpful. Like the one day at a time, when one day is too hard I make it into an hour at a time, or even one minute at a time. You can tell your self just for today I shall not cut, or just for the next hour I shall not cut, and then after the time passes say it again.

I've used this to stop myself from acting on the suicidal thoughts that come with deep depressions. There is something calming about telling myself I don't have to deal with te thoughts until the next day.

It is so hard. I don't know what to do. It's been a couple of weeks since the urge was so strong.

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I fought the urge for a couple of months before the thought stopped coming into my head. Just take it day by day, that's all you can do. It helps to talk about the urges and not suppress them. I'm always here to talk if you need to.

I am really scared of actually doing it. My parents always worry and hurt when they find out I do but I just...it is just so hard to cope.

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I can understand that completely. But you need to find other ways to cope with problems. Although cutting may give you some relief, its just temporary.

I used to cut, but I eventually got to a point where I realised that it wasn't helping me - just leaving scars that brought me more shame...

I have some ideas for coping with the urges (some have probably been mentioned many times in other posts):

• Rubber bands on the wrist
• Finding something else to take your pain out on (I was often outside hitting bushes with golf clubs!!!). Maybe a punching bag, rolled up carpet, kicking a ball - something physical.
• Whatever you find relaxing (music, reading...).
• Doodling or drawing something that requires a lot of concentration.
• Disposing of tools (or getting someone to hide them) that you could potentially use to hurt yourself.

Just try and think about something that will work for you.

I know it is difficult, but I hope you soon realise that cutting yourself won't heal or help any pain that you are feeling.

I wish you all the best.

bluegoat

I have never cut but I would be willing to bet it is very much like addiction. Is it the endorphin high that brings the relief? Behaviours can be addictive. Maybe being addicted to endorphins that bring relief.

Maybe try reading the 12 steps of AA and see if you could apply them to cutting. Just a thought.

I will definitely look into that. I have tried ice and rubber bands but right now I feel like that isn't enough

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