[Shadow figure]

Today has been a really bad day. My pills aren't even helping anymore. It all started when I dragged myself out of bed, got ready and left the house. I knew I should have stayed in it would have been better. I went to meet a friend for lunch(trying to do things like the doctor ordered) waited for my friend for an hour before giving up! Never texted me or anything! That got me upset. I had lunch myself. Walked around for 3hrs myself before meeting up with a different friend. In those 3hrs I cried a lot! All because everything reminds me of my ex fiancé! (He couldn't cope with my depression so broke up with me) I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with him. Have babies with him and now I've got nothing. Everywhere I turned there were happy people, couples and babies! The toilet attendant must have thought I had the runs with the amount of times I ran to the toilet(to cry) I am totally lost. Since this morning all I've thought about is not being here anymore. I wish I didn't exist. I can't stop crying and just want to stop feeling this way. I feel for my friend who tried to cheer me up, she just couldn't and I felt like I was bringing her down so told her I had to go. I just want someone to hold me

[Altered Moment]

There is a point. I do not know what it is but there is one.

Sounds like you are grieving the loss of your fiance and that has triggered depression. Break ups are the hardest thing especially when it is because someone could not accept you the way you are. I have been through that. Lost a two year relationship that was the healthiest I had ever had. But then my depression hit and she just couldn't handle it. Then she told me she didn't want to spend any time with my daughter like just the three of us. That hurt. She did that before she finally broke it off. I know it was really because of my depression and that hurts to the bone.

Give yourself permission to grieve. There is no time limit on it and you bounce all around like a ball between the different stages of it.

[paynful]

I'm so sorry you are still struggling. It was very ****** of your friend to leave you hanging.

Are you in Therapy or did you just go to the doctor for medication? (I still love that you yelled at the receptionist!)

Remember the meds can take several weeks to kick in.

Today did sound rough for you, but I'm glad you got out into the fresh air. If you had stayed in bed you would have gotten rest, but you would have deprived yourself of the possible opportunities, and you would've beaten yourself up wondering.. about the what ifs?

As far as the bathroom attendant goes... don't give it a second thought! Women crying in the bathroom is the definitely the norm. I don't know a single woman who hasn't cried in the bathroom! Let's be honest... we go in there to fix make-up, cry, get away from boring dates, gossip with girlfriends, and SOMETIMES use the toilet.

Not that you asked for an opinion and I hate to say it but someone should...

As far as your ex goes... I think you dodged a bullet! Think about it... marriage isn't a fairy tale. It's supposed to be forever, through thick and thin, health and illness... and he couldn't handle an episode of depression!? What would've happened if (God forbid) your children got sick, one of lost your job or house? If he doesn't have the nads to stick by you when there are available treatment options and positive results in sight.... he doesn't seem like the type to stick.

...Which, of course, does NOT mean anything to you, because you are heartbroken, and are probably, still love him. But when you get to the anger stage of the greiving process.. remember...

You can do so much better! I think you deserve a man who is unwaivering in his loyalty and love to you. A real man would've stood by you, and held you up when you couldn't stand on your own. You shouldn't settle for less!

Once again, I'm sorry for adding my two cents when it wasn't requested. Please, ignore me if I have offended, but keep posting!! I really hope you feel better soon.

[Shadow figure]

Thank you for your kind words. I've got a therapist and meds. I had an emergency appointment with my doctor because she was worried. (I also found out the receptionist is getting re trained) I'm feeling a little better now. Still lost and confused but I'll get there.

[Altered Moment]

Hang in there.

[littlemiss44]

I'm so sorry for what yr going through. It was so unfair that yr friend stood you up. Doesn't sound like a good friend to me.

Give yr self time to grieve yr relationship. It just hurts to the core and makes our depression that much worse. I'm glad you got out of.the house. That is a very positive move. Somedays we need to stay in the house but it's good to push ourselves to get out into the fresh air. So kuddos to you! I mean no disrespect but you deserve more in a relationship. To leave you while yr sick is heartless. He probably means the world to you and I wish there was something I could say to make you feel better. All I can say is be easy on yr self. Don't beat yr d self.up because of.it. it isn't yr fault,! He sounds like he couldn't handle real life and that's his problem. Cry as much as you need. Grieve the.loss. please know that you are Gods child and he wants the best for you. He wants you too feel better. Pray.hard every day for God to hep get you through this. He will never leave you. God bless you. Hugs

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