running out of steam

For nearly 15 years I've been treated (on and off, mostly on) for depression and anxiety. I get better, stay OK for a while, then -- inevitably -- fall down again. I've had great therapists and good p-docs, tried every medication known to man and babbled for what seems like thousands of hours.

I'm just not fixable, and I'm wasting everyone's time and money. That's the way I feel. I want to throw away all the meds and say goodbye to my T (thanks for trying) and let nature take its course ... I will be what I obviously was meant to be.

I am just so tired.

I joke with my T about living in a cardboard box under a bridge but I really feel like that's not a joke.

My life has been a waste. I've put my wife through hell and it just doesn't stop.

Sorry for the incoherent rant. What a mess for my first post.

First of all you are not worthless and you are not a waste of time. You are who you are and only you can change that. If you are unhappy with the way your life is going then change your situation to fix it. The medications not going to do all of the work. You have to be able to help it along. It is in your will to change things you just have to do it now!! Good luck to you and hang in there!!

been having some similiar thoughts occasionally. i'm doing better and then i slip backwards.........i understand your feelings. life is hard and then we die.

keep talking here and we'll see what we can do to help. pat

I went through about 35 years of what you are describing (since I was 15). I finally got a correct diagnosis of bipolar & the medications for that were amazing. I've never felt like that in my life & I'd been on basically all the AD's & anti-anxiety drugs. They'd work for awhile then I would slip back into a depression. Maybe you don't have the right diagnosis. Keep searching. There is hope. If I found relief after 35 years, I bet you can, too. Take care.--Suzy

don't give up......we all have ups and downs and when we're down everything feels so hopeless......this time of year is particularily hard on folks with depression.....hang in there.......talk to us........we understand and we care......

Hello I hope things get better for you soon. Sometimes unfortunately diagnosing mental health disorders take a lot of time for some people. Have you had a physical lately? Thyroid problems and other ailments sometimes complicate a diagnosis as well. I am going to leave you the hotline number to call if you need to call, and talk to someone in person. Take care sincerely Soidhonia

Thank you all for posting. Sorry to have been so whiney ... just a bad stretch, I guess.

Hi Graystet,

I'm sorry you are so down. I have been in and out of depression since I was 14 and I'm 52 now. I have come to the conclusion, I will fight this the rest of my life. I guess some of us are just destined to be depressed.
Hang in there and keep trying. That's the key. Don't ever stop trying to make yourself better.
Good luck,
Linda