[Dashiok]

For years I have struggled with a constant feeling of worthlessness. I feel that I am worth less than any others around me, and that my wants or needs should never be put before another's. Everything I do feels like I did it poorly, that someone else would have done it much better.

I'm always afraid that I annoy people, at all times. Any time I talk, laugh, work, anything, I'm afraid I'm annoying them.

I'm 20 years old, never had sex, never kissed a girl, never had anyone even remotely interested in me. I've been bullied, beaten, and treated like trash. I don't even trust my parents enough to tell them how I feel. I have very few friends, but mostly internet friends. I do have a job, part time produce clerk at a grocery store. When I'm not working, I'm gaming, which has helped a bit, since it allows me to escape, but recently it hasn't been working well.

I did the Sanity quiz thing, and my self esteem score was a 100, so that's obviously the problem, but no matter what I do, I can't seem to even slightly raise my self esteem.

I just needed to get this out there.

[roads]

Just as a beginning, have you investigated the "Self Esteem Forum" here on PsychCentral? Here's the link--Steps to Better Self-Esteem - Forums at Psych Central

If you read and post a lot, Dashiok, you'll discover you're fairly normal here. Most of us think of ourselves as being not as good as most of the people in our lives.

No matter how many successes I've had, it seems the failures are more numerous and more important. But I'm better than I was! I catch myself listening to these old tapes telling me I'm not living very well--I come on here and talk it out with someone or make myself bring it up with my therapist.

There are many generous folks here who have been where you are and gotten better. They will share coping skills with you, if you can make the effort to connect with them in the forums.

Welcome to PsychCentral and keep coming back. This place has saved my sanity and my life.

Roads

[Secretum]

I used to feel the same way you do now. I've since realized that the value of a human being is infinite. It doesn't matter if you're a virgin or if you've kissed 100 girls. It doesn't matter if you make six figures or are barely scraping by. It doesn't matter if your IQ is 20 or 200. Everyone has infinite value, including you.

You matter, and in time I hope that you will see that. Having been where you are, I know how incredibly painful it is to not like yourself very much. I hope that you find a way to cope with this and feel better soon. You are beautiful the way you are, a wonderful child of the universe, with a special mission in life that you, and only you, can complete.

[Dashiok]

I'm too much of a coward to commit suicide, albeit I know of only 2 people who would miss me if I was gone that aren't family.

And I'm gonna be honest, I was debating removing this post due to my inner critic telling me no one cares. I guess you can just call me afraid.

[Dashiok]

I just feel so alone all the time you know? Like no one really cares that I'm in pain or that they think I deserve it.

[Fuzzybear]

[geez]

Dash I can relate to feelings of worthlessness and that others can do better than I. Unfortunately that side effect makes it impossible to attempt to do what I'm interested in life. I am trying so it's a start. It's hard to not listen to the negative self talk especially when others in your life have treated you negatively. Today I'm chasing my dream and I'm really hard on myself the entire time. When I have successes I don't embrace them but when I have failures I take them on as being all of who I am. I wish you well on your journey and hope you can see you are worth something in this world.

[kittydag18]

You're worth more than you know. I've struggled with the same thing for quite some time and recently discovered that having a small pet helps me significantly. It's just something that needs you every day and will love you unconditionally.

[Dashiok]

I have a dog, but its the family dog, not just mine. And to make everything feel even better, I was trying to talk to my friend from work about how I'm feeling, and they just bailed on me after about 15 mins. I can't really fault them since we both worked a long shift yesterday and it was very busy all day, But still it kinda hurt to just be forgotten like that.